URGENT! Termination booked for tomorrow, am I doing the right thing

[Lostinlife89]

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Once you had the baby, you would have different benefits than before. Child benefit, tax credits, income support. Once you factor that in, I imagine the situation would seem better. You are catastrophising with very black and white thinking. If you want a baby and based on the your fertility, now is the time.

OP, it's normal to feel ambivalent and even scared in the early months of pregnancy. The hormones do it to you. I remember bawling on the phone to DM about the terror about to be inflicted on me and the ruin my life was about to become ...
Well, none of that awful stuff happened. My life did change, but not that much (I didn't even get stretch marks ), and the changes were all good. As someone on MN told me back in 2007, when I was in your position, "Babies are lush." They really are.

Of course you can travel with a tot. Heaps of people do. DB and I travelled a lot as kids, including to India and east Africa. You mention Bali and Thailand; those countries are incredibly welcoming of babies, and you're likely to have an easier time there with a bub than without. I've been to both. I also took baby DD bushwalking in rugged terrain; just strapped her into the Baby Bjorn, slung the nappy bag over my shoulder and off we went.

Call and delay. Seriously, the clinic staff will be used to people having second thoughts, as you seem to be.

Oh, and a kind word for your DH -- how wonderful to have a man who would wholeheartedly welcome a baby. Many women miss out on children, or have to go it alone, because they never meet such a man.

In your situation, I had the baby. She is 10 months old now and is the light of my life. She wasn’t planned, and I cried out of shock and fear when I found out I was pregnant. Like you, I was married, owned a house, had (have) a good career. I knew I wanted children, I thought I had a couple more selfish years left. I felt overwhelmed and fearful, but it never crossed my mind not to go through with the pregnancy, and I don’t have any fertility difficulties.

There’s nothing wrong with not wanting children. It’s okay to say that there are other things that are more important to you. I think the fact that you are even considering a termination when in a stable relationship, owning your own home, and having a career, especially given you know you will struggle to conceive later, means you probably don’t really want to have a child. If that’s the case, you need to tell your DH and let him decide what he wants, too.

If you do want to have a child, then this could well be your baby. Sometimes the best things aren’t planned. If you are going to be a mother, you’ll need to get used to not being in control - this is a good introduction to motherhood! But if you do choose to have the baby, allow yourself to grieve the loss of the life you had envisioned, and then let go. Growing up feeling resented and like an unwanted burden would be so damaging to a child. If you decide to go through with the pregnancy, do so with your whole heart.

Wishing you the best, whatever you decide in the end.

Thank you for your kind words and advice. Nice to get a broad opinion

Sounds like you've made your mind up. You both need to be ready.

We have 3 children and they have traveled all their lives. Been to NZ twice, first when first 2 were just 12 and 34 months. Been to Kenya and South America. To Berlin almost annually. It is great to be able to share all those amazing places with your children and they talk about them all the time now, mainly wanting to return themselves so we have passed on a love of seeing the world. I guess with your difficulties conceiving, the question is whether you ever want a child, rather than its the time right now, as this is quite possibly the only chance. You should not really go forward with an abortion unless you are really sure which you do not sound to me. Maybe you need to physically list the pros and cons.

Have the baby then fit your life around it, rather than the other way.
Things happen in life and we have to adapt to them.

I don't know if it makes any different to you but we travel iften with our children. Obviously not at the moment but we have done australia, the west coast of America and Thailand in the last few years.

Sounds to me like you want us to talk you out if it.
You are more likely to regret the abortion than the child.
You could always leave baby with DH and holiday with a friend if you want child free travel, lots of people do that. But I've been all over with dd1 when she was little. Mostly carefree all she did was sleep in her pram. Couldn't do it now with 2 but it's doable with one. Now we have beach holidays.

@Lostinlife89 sorry if I missed this part, I know this was unplanned but was your first pregnancy?
Also, do you have anyone in real life you can talk to about this (aside from husband)?
What time is termination booked for and how are you feeling about it after the replies?

My whole life would change where as husband would not that much. Men get the easy part

If you think, even before a baby is here, that your husband's life won't change that much it sounds like you aren't really in a particularly supportive relationship in terms of trying to maintain a career.

It's okay to be selfish about this decision. You're almost certainly right that your life will be impacted to a significantly greater extent than his and there are physical aspects that fall on you regardless of how hands on he's actually prepared to be.

You need to do what’s right for you BUT, as you have asked on here, in your shoes, at 30 years old with reduced chances of conceiving I would personally have the baby. You know you definitely want children, what if this is your chance? It took us 3 years to conceive our first with no detectable issues, I was 35 when I had her and still had all the same doubts as you. She is the best thing in my life.

In any case, I think you should definitely delay.

If you do want kids eventually I would have them now. For the sake of a few holidays I wouldn't think holidays are more important than having children if it's something you want from life. Holidays end, children are forever.
I am 30, I have a 5 month old. We are planning to go on a holiday as soon as she's old enough to stay with her grandparents for a week.
Mind wise my mental health has actually never been better, I've had anxiety disorder all my life but I got sooo much better when pregnant (probably all the hypnobirthing) and now wouldn't even label myself as anxious. Body wise I gave birth 5 months ago and I fit into all my old clothes, size 10. I didn't diet or exercise I am just lucky that I am naturally slim built so I wouldn't necessarily believe that your mind and body will be negatively effected. I also had a fairly easy pregnancy only had morning sickness mild up until week 12 so if you haven't had any yet chances are you won't suffer with it.
Its your choice and I would never judge a woman for her choice, but personally I couldn't abort it if its something I eventually wanted. I think if you had a scan you would feel more connected to the baby.

I wouldn’t terminate in your situation. Having a baby doesn’t mean the end of your life. You can still travel and work. Having said that it, if it really doesn’t feel right it’s your body and your choice. I hope you’re ok OP

There's always time to travel and buy another house in the future, maybe when the kid is slightly older and can stay with a relative for a week or so, we did this growing up and it was so much fun and mum and dad got their break away. But killing a baby and not necessarily having the chance to have another is something you can't take back or change.

I was going to say, if you want a baby at some point and are struggling to conceive then I’d go ahead with this pregnancy. If you don’t ever want one then it’s a different matter. Then I saw that you are 30 and want a baby in two years...definitely go for this baby ... it’s a rubbish time to travel now, no-one ever feels exactly ‘ready’ for a baby (you’ve got 9 months and the baby’s life to ease in to that) and 30 is young enough that a career can be picked up again.

And as previous posters said, if this might be your only chance as it’s difficult for you to conceive, one child is very portable to go round the world with!

Good luck!

If you aren’t 100% sure then don’t do it. When I was pregnant I was upset that I ‘wouldn’t’ be able to do all the things I wanted to do, plus I was struggling money-wise (still not great). But having the baby was the best thing I’ve ever done.

travelmadmum.com/

aw doll. for fucks sake.how far are you?
are you certain its not good with where your at/where headed
if youve lost one before-keep it real..is it fear?

Like a pp said, no choice will be pain free, sadly.

Just want to mention that you can travel with a child or baby (easier with baby as you can put them in a carrier and as long as they're fed and clean, they're happy being taken anywhere).

Children adapt to what their parents do. You may have to change your travel plans slightly, but you can still do it.

Now, the big question is, would you regret it if you didn't conceive again?

I have a toddler right now and having her is the best thing that happened in my life. There is no sadness that isn't eased a little by just seeing her. I love being a mother more than I could ever have imagined, but it is hard work, of course.

Good luck with your decision, OP. I hope you make the one that brings you the least pain

Hi op
Only you can make this decision but can I give you my experience?

At 25 I found out I was pregnant, due to get married and have my hen, just started a new job. My sickness was so bad, even fresh air made me vomit.
Went via the nhs route for a termination, my husband was very supportive of my decision, he would of also been happy to keep the baby. One thing I wasn't prepared for, before they give you the tablets they scan you. At eight weeks I could make out alot of the baby, you are almost twelve...
I still went ahead with the termination, at the time I felt fine, no guilt, sickness disappeared. Then, my sister announced her pregnancy. I never told anyone apart from a close friend and my mum so to this day, my beautiful niece is a constant reminder of what I could of had, they would of been days apart in age.
However...
I'm thirty three and currently expecting number two. Had my first at thirty and it has been the best decision we ever made. But, I became a stay at home parent as nursery round here is so pricey. My husband works full time, we have a mortgage, but we have to claim top up in the form of universal credit.
Second baby is due early June, I finish my degree end of May. We decided I would change my career so once this baby is nearer two I will return to work. We've accepted our financial situation cannot get any worse, but we are lucky that I have been able to stay at home and those luxuries can and do wait.
With your fertility issues, I would really think long and hard before committing to something and please take the counseling they offer afterwards if you feel you need it.

I don't think you will be able to travel as you want without restrictions for at least 12 months. There is never the perfect time to have a baby, but you adapt quickly. There will be time for travel/career later, but I think you may regret in your later years not having this baby. Also if I was 30 I wouldn't want to delay having a baby any longer. I found pregnancy in my mid 30's a lot harder than in my mid 20's.

We've done Bali and Thailand with a toddler, a very difficult one - strapped him in a sling and off we went. It's absolutely do-able, you just need to be more organised and have different expectations.

All the best with your decision OP.

The thing is no can predict the future. You may well be planning for the temp job or the new house or whatever but you can’t say how these things will go.

The pregnancy is real and now and an opportunity you didn’t think you’d have.

Even if you wait 5 years who is to say life will be easier/better then?

My DH dearly wanted a child - I was not at all sure, but we had got married with agreement on both sides that we would have children.
When i conceived I was still very unsure but felt I ought to keep to my side of the agreement. (No pressure from him, it was just the way I felt) Meanwhile I had a great job, we were reasonably well off and wanted to travel too.
Long story short, I had the baby, a boy. Best thing I ever did.
I kept my job and we were able to continue to travel, took him abroad when he was six months old. We still love travelling. He's grown up now but sometimes he comes too.