URGENT! Termination booked for tomorrow, am I doing the right thing

[Lostinlife89]

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Generally when the foetus is recognised to have sentience. Which is when the brain and nerve receptors are fully formed, which is at the third trimester. Many others believe when the born baby takes it's first breath. But the earliest generally accepted in the scientific arena is at sentience.

I had a whole bunch of links saved on my Fb account, but since Fb have changed the setup, I can't find a single thing. So am trying to google. I also have images of info from scientists but can't find a way to post the images.

The bigger question is do you want children in the future, be honest with yourself.

No judgement here. If you don't ever want children then terminate. End your marriage and your husband has a choice to move on and be a dad. You can live your life as you plan, career, travel and freedom.

If you do really want children in the future you are taking a huge risk now. What if your DH leaves, what if you can't get pregnant again...will travelling and a good job be enough.

It does sound like you want it all, I feel for your DH who clearly loves you but wants to be a dad.

I predict the nhs will stop ivf treatment in the areas they are still doing it to save money post covid and brexit. Do you know how expensive ivf is? Any money you save in job terms now might be lost in years to come if you want IVF treatment- that's a major consideration

@FluffySocks75

I predict the nhs will stop ivf treatment in the areas they are still doing it to save money post covid and brexit. Do you know how expensive ivf is? Any money you save in job terms now might be lost in years to come if you want IVF treatment- that's a major consideration

What the fuuuuuuck is this shit??

Guilting op like this is truly reprehensible. Op is considering buying a second home, I doubt the costs of IVF are an issue for her. AND EVEN if they were, having a termination because of any reason, does not mean you get to make women feel guilty and try to shame them for making choices about their own bodies. Truly, truly disgusting.

thebrainbank.scienceblog.com/2012/12/04/what-can-science-add-to-the-abortion-debate/

I don't know when you're appointment was / is OP.
But if I was you I would keep the baby.

But that's easy for me to say isn't it?

Good luck with whatever you decide, it could all be fine and you could conceive in a few years when you're ready and more secure.

It's just the "what ifs" that might get you in the future - either way.

I think considering you would like a child in the future and given your medical history I wouldn’t terminate. It’s completely understandable that you’re worried, but I think it will be doable to travel with a baby. Of course its still your choice, but if you’re having doubts I would reconsider your options

[quote Cokie3]@Sparrowcrane Most doctors and scientists are pro-choice and believe that a baby's life begins with sentience. And that, is not until the third trimester.

www.livescience.com/54774-fetal-pain-anesthesia.html

How do I add photos here?[/quote]
I don't disagree about the heart and the nervous system but this doesn't contradict the NHS site info. To be honest, I'm not even sure why I'm even having to defend the formation of the baby at 12 weeks, I don't think I have said anything on those lines in my previous posts? I'm pro-life in most cases and would chose the inconvenience a baby brings instead of an abortion if I'm in stable committed relationship like in this case. By the inconveniences I mean lifestyle changes etc. i do think there are circumstances when an abortion or adoption are better options , for example rape. I accept other people will not agree

In your shoes I would have the baby. I think most people don't feel ready to have a baby, Although we were trying I got pregnant a lot quicker than I had anticipated and then felt I wasn't ready.

If you're unsure I would delay as I think it's something you need to be 100% certain about.

Your life doesn't end when you have a baby. You can still travel, you just do it differently. I would say when they are babies it's probably easier in a lot of ways to travel than when they are older. When we had a toddler and a baby that's when we we took a break from anything- travelling, meals, holidays as it was just too much stress. People take their children travelling all the time. You can still do all those things you wanted to, either with the baby or later in life. I had my children fairly young so that when they are older I can do all the other things I wanted to do before I am too old.

Sounds like your DH has a secure job so I wouldn't worry about the job situation too much if you can afford to live off his wage. You could claim statutory maternity pay, it's not much but we found it doable.

@Ostryga

To be fair I don't think @FluffySocks75 was shaming/guilting the OP she's just saying that with one less tube IVF is a distinct possibility for her. IVF success rates are still woefully low - average of 23%. Took me 5 cycles and £35k
In my mid 30s. IVF isn't guaranteed and yes is likely to be cut further in the future. It isn't designed for women who want to spend a few years going on holiday and having a career and terminations (presumably on the NHS) when the timing isn't right only to turn round in as little as 2 years and expect fertility services to be there for them and most importantly for it to work? These are important considerations for the OP to consider?

Anyone can have an abortion at any time, for any reason. It’s law.

Even if you don’t like the idea, that’s fine, don’t have an abortion.

Op is well within her right to terminate now and try again in the future. If she can’t get pregnant or can’t afford ivf then that is for her to weigh up now whilst making her decision. It is not for people to use against her to try and guilt her into making a decision. Which the pp was absolutely doing.

Well any time up to 24 weeks unless medically necessary - but I think you understand what point I’m making

@ivfbeenbusy thank you yes you are right @ostryga I wanst shaming her at all. She can do what she likes. But the nhs wait times are getting longer and longer and staff being deployed. Wait already backlogged from hfea advise to stop fertility services earlier this year.

More people going private- so longer for that too.

Plus just cos you can afford a good few rounds of private doesn't mean will work. Cost can be huge.

It IS a factor if op is in a stable relationship and just wants a baby in 2years instead of now then imo it's a major consideration.

Also ivf doesn't always work. Even if on paper you are a clinics ideal candidate all sorts of things can get in the way.

It's a huge thing for her to be aware of. Wasnt meant as shame. But it seems bizarre to have an abortion when have known fertility issues and want a baby in a fairly short time anyway eg 2 years. If start trying in 2 years and fertility issues make that unlikely then with ivf wait time even longer.

Up to op but she needs to consider that and weigh that up as part of her decision making process.

Given you’ve said that you want children in maybe 2 years (when I’m assuming you’re closer to 32), then if you would need to start trying again in about another 15 months-ish. That’s really not that long away and assumes that you won’t have any issues conceiving again

Exactly. And let's be honest, travel (to Bali, Thailand) is most probably not going to come back during those 15 months, and besides, your job situation is not ideal for long distance travel. So if you do want to have children, and soon, I recommend viewing this as a small scheduling issue and having the baby.

(You also really might end up not getting pregnant when you finally want to - it took me 7 years and about 35000 dollars to conceive my firstborn, and I was already 41 when he was born).

Of course, the matter is completely different if you actually don't want children at all. If that's the case, that is of course fine, but you need to be honest to your husband about it.

30 is a great age to have the baby. If I were you I'd keep the baby. I understand your concerns but I think they'd all fade into oblivion once you have a beautiful baby.

Post natal depression doesn't exist. Neither does abuse or neglect. Neither do divorce or custody battles or children who struggle to special needs or any of that. Tra la la babies are cute.

FFS. I was a woman who loved travel, didn't want a baby. I ended up being convinced by DH and I am glad about that. But I would have also enjoyed my life without DD. DD (10) has been to 10 countries, been on countless flights, we've travelled alone without DH and thank goodness she's an adaptable, uncomplaining traveller but they aren't all like that. My friends spent a year in Nepal with their 4 yo. My family member went to China and SE Asia with her baby. It's possible but very different. I'm glad I have a travelling kid to replace DH when he grows tired of my wanderlust.

But OP, you don't sound like you want a baby. And if you don't want a baby, you shouldn't have one.

Post natal depression doesn't exist. Neither does abuse or neglect. Neither do divorce or custody battles or children who struggle to special needs or any of that. Tra la la babies are cute

FFS any of these things can happen to wanted babies as well as unwanted ones, so not sure what your point is here

That troubles fading into oblivion because a baby arrives isn't true. I thought that was clear.

Hi OP. I’ve not read others responses I’ve just read yours.

From reading your OP... you say you would like a baby in 2 years that is soon and more importantly you don’t have the guarantee of just be able to start trying and fall pregnant at 33.

The harsh reality is if you could not conceive again how would this effect your husband? Would he leave you?

You can travel with a baby and I’m sure the job situation will all work out for you.

@MrsTerryPratchett

That troubles fading into oblivion because a baby arrives isn't true. I thought that was clear.

Thought it was her specific concerns, which are milder than those you just listed.

Also, if you are as wealthy as people are suggesting, send the little one to boarding a school at 7 so you regain some independence. There are so many options

Ok actually hiding now. This thread is a disgrace. No woman should have a baby she doesn't want, regardless of her reasons. Good luck op.

@Myheartisbroken91

Your dh wants a baby, you don’t. Did you discuss having children and when, before you married him? If so, what did you both agree? I’m not saying you can’t change your mind (or that circumstances can’t lead to changes of mind), but it will be an indicator on whether you and your dh have a future together.

This could be your only chance of having a child of your own. How does that make you feel? If you are happy to terminate this pregnancy, knowing it might be your only chance of motherhood, go ahead with the abortion tomorrow. Do not have a baby just because your husband wants one. If you do, you will resent him and that will likely lead to the breakdown in your marriage. However if you go ahead with the termination and can’t become pregnant again, he will likely end up resenting you, with the same outcome of a breakdown in your marriage.

Be honest with each other and if your views are no longer compatible, rather than allowing a slow decline into resentment, split now to give you both the opportunity to find someone else who you are compatible with.

I think this post sums it up best.

I think you’ve already made your mind up, your looking for reassurance that what your doing is right. No one but you can tell yourself that.

Having a baby dose not stop you travelling, Covid will. It also won’t stop your career, I know and have worked with very successful women who have families. A baby won’t stop a house move either, if anything a baby will drive you to make sure you have a big enough home in the right catchment area.

Given your age and chances of getting pregnant again I would choose the baby. But if your going to resent this baby by doing so then don’t as it’s not the babies fault you have gotten pregnant.

Babies never seem to come at the right time. But there's no reason why you can't do all the things you planned on doing just at a different time in your life. I've extensively travelled the world been to every continent and still am planning trips just now a bit more family friendly.

Also I'm 39 and pregnant but it was hard getting to this position with 3 miscarriages this year the later you leave it the harder it gets.

There is no reason why you still can't do everything you set out to do. Just be more flexible with your time frame.