He’s had a vasectomy and I’m pregnant

[OverThinkingUnderDoing]

I’ve been seeing someone for about 6 months, thought all was going really, really well. We’re both divorced, 2 dc each and neither of us want more. He had a vasectomy after his youngest was born 8 years ago (he’s definitely not lying about this due to a funny anecdote that all his mates love to remind him about).

I’ve been feeling really under the weather for the last few weeks. Did a CV test, all fine. It was only at the supermarket this morning that I suddenly thought maybe I’m pregnant and grabbed a test just to put my mind at ease. I’ve always had irregular periods, not had one since September but that’s nothing unusual.

Just did the test and I’m pregnant. I could fucking scream. I’ve just had the worst year of my entire life, meeting this man is the only good thing that’s happened to me in years.

I know what I’ve got to do. I just don’t want to do it and wanted to vent somewhere.

Oh dear OP! This is so unlucky!
You must be quite schocked!
I only have a handhold and to offer.
Best wishes for you.

OMG! Did he not have the checks afterwards to ensure it had worked?

Oh wow @OverThinkingUnderDoing ❤️. What does your gut tell you that you want to do? X

is the vasectomy tale about someone else?

Vent away. How far gone do you think ?

how old are you?

good luck op

I’m 36, he’s 48. He had it checked a couple of months after he had it done as his ex wife had a condition where she could get seriously ill if she fell pregnant again. We used condoms for the first couple of months, then both had STD tests before having unprotected sex. I thought I was doing everything right for once .

I had my last period beginning of September. I only got a cheap pregnancy test as didn’t really think I was pregnant at all. I’m hoping and praying it’s a mistake. I’m going to get one of the Clearblue ones that show how many weeks when I go into town after school.

Also we live 100 miles apart, neither of us are going to move nearer the other as we both have kids settled at school. It was going really well just me going to his every other weekend and him coming to mine for a couple of days during the week. But that wouldn’t work with a baby.

Plus I’ve had a chunk of my cervix removed due to cervical cancer and would have to have a stitch put in to even have a chance at going to full term. I have sole care of my 2 dc 12 days out of 14 and could barely get out of bed during my last pregnancy due to constant HG. Ex DH works away so physically couldn’t see dc more to help out.

But then I can afford a baby myself even without any input from man I’m seeing. My house is big enough and I live in a wonderful area for kids to grow up in.

Fuck. It’s such a mess.

hopefully it will prove to be negative op and a cheap faulty test

@LemonBreeland

OMG! Did he not have the checks afterwards to ensure it had worked?

Vasectomies can spontaneously reverse in rare circumstances. Less so the more recent ones as they now cauterise both cut ends. But it happens. No form of contraception is absolutely 100%. If getting pregnant would be a genuine disaster and/or you struggle with the thought of termination, it's wise to use two forms.

I'm really sorry for the dilemma you're in. If you want to terminate, an early termination is a very straightforward procedure and women generally get over it just fine if it's what they want. You do have options. I hope you find the right one for you.

@Respectabitch I'd never heard about that. You always learn something new on MN.

Thanks so much. I know I should’ve used contraception as well. I just had such a horrible time trying to get both the implant and the coil removed and the pill makes me feel constantly queasy. I didn’t know too much about vasectomies before I met him but I read up on it and it seemed so unlikely to go wrong. Ffs.

Oh OP I didn't know a vasectomy could still mean you can get pregnant. Do you think this guy will support you if you chose to keep the baby?

I think he would support me. He absolutely adores his kids but has made it very clear he doesn’t want more, as have I. But I wasn’t expecting to be in this position.

I’m not going to tell him until I’ve done another test.

Have you done another test? Good luck

Oh, jeez, @OverThinkingUnderDoing what a nightmare!

Have a cup off tea and take some deep breaths. You have time to think about what to do.

I would find this incredibly difficult too 💐

good luck op!

A vasectomy is very, very unlikely to go wrong fwiw. Especially many years later and if the man has had a follow-up with a blank sperm sample. "Extremely unlikely" isn't impossible though, and scale things up across a whole population and a few unfortunate souls are learning the difference. Nobody could blame you for thinking you were safe. (DH has just had his own blank sperm sample back and I'm thinking about removing my coil, but another conception wouldn't be a disaster for us.)

Best of luck OP.

OP I wouldn't rely on a digital test to know how many weeks. If your last period was beginning of September you could be 10/11 weeks gone by now.

Hopefully you ovulated a lot later if your periods are not regular and you can treat at home however you may need to contact GP as the number of weeks will determine how you move forwards.

respectabitch it looks like it’s less than a 1 in 1,000 chance of going wrong if he’s had a follow up blank sample. Now I’m questioning if he’d even had it done in the first place. But he knew if we had STD tests so we didn’t have to use condoms that I would go on the pill (I was the one that wanted to stop the condoms as for some reason they always give me thrush). But his mates told me his funny vasectomy story before he could even tell me himself. And it’s not a story where anything went wrong with the operation- just that a student nurse came in to weigh and measure him before hand, he thought he was supposed to have taken his clothes off in preparation for the operation itself and she ran out screaming.

Whatever you decide your dp needs to see a gp if he definitely has had a vasectomy so that he can get referred.
I guess his reaction will tell you what you need to know. Some men would assume the gf had sex elsewhere if they’ve had a vasectomy and their gf gets pregnant.

Have you ever seen the scar?

You know if you don’t want to have a baby, you don’t have to?
An termination is a perfectly reasonable solution.

@HollowTalk

Have you ever seen the scar?

Have you seen a vasectomy scar? If it was done any time recently, she'd have to have gone over his balls practically with a magnifying glass. Both tubes are done through one tiny incision. And what would be the point of trying to catch him out at this stage?