He’s had a vasectomy and I’m pregnant

[OverThinkingUnderDoing]

I’ve been seeing someone for about 6 months, thought all was going really, really well. We’re both divorced, 2 dc each and neither of us want more. He had a vasectomy after his youngest was born 8 years ago (he’s definitely not lying about this due to a funny anecdote that all his mates love to remind him about).

I’ve been feeling really under the weather for the last few weeks. Did a CV test, all fine. It was only at the supermarket this morning that I suddenly thought maybe I’m pregnant and grabbed a test just to put my mind at ease. I’ve always had irregular periods, not had one since September but that’s nothing unusual.

Just did the test and I’m pregnant. I could fucking scream. I’ve just had the worst year of my entire life, meeting this man is the only good thing that’s happened to me in years.

I know what I’ve got to do. I just don’t want to do it and wanted to vent somewhere.

Ah @OverThinkingUnderDoing

I'd second the advice to take another test as soon as you can, and maybe one that gives you an indication of how pregnant you are... because PP is right, if your last period was in September, you could be 10 - 11 weeks pregnant now.... but if your periods aren't regular, you could be pretty early on, too.

You have options, whatever you decide. I'm sorry that you're going through this

He needs to know he needs another vasectomy.
Hope things work out for you, OP.

I have actually heard of a person who had a vasectomy get s person pregnant. What happened there was the vas deferens joined back up together and fused. Do another test. Then if you are tell him and ask him to go for a checkout. A scan should show if fused together again. I had a late pregnancy and my youngest son is a blessing. I am closer to him than older children. Don't make any rash decisions. Let it soak in and consider all options.

Different mix of genetics might create a different pregnancy. A dear friend of mine was horrifically sick in her first two pregnancies with her first husband. The next two with her second husband were easy peasy. One of each both times

A "nurse ran out screaming" sounds very unlikely

That is either a very embellished anecdote or someone is telling porkies

I had a friend this happened to- genuinely shocking. Good luck with the second test.

"He had it checked a couple of months after he had it done as his ex wife had a condition where she could get seriously ill if she fell pregnant again."

A semen sample is an essential part of the vasectomy process. Semen is usually tested around 12 weeks after the procedure, sometimes earlier, to check for the presence of sperm. If sperm are found, the test will be repeated until negative. It has absolutely nothing to do with any medical condition anyone might have, and is not offered as an extra.

I'm not sure why he provided this elaborate and incorrect bit of detail, but it definitely caught my eye.

I know this isn’t a nice thought, but you’re now questioning whether he’s lied about having it done, don’t be surprised if he might question whether you’ve been faithful.

I’d hope he’d understand your concerns and you his.

Oh no, what a shock! However, it sounds like you have options. Get another test ASAP before you do anything else. If he lives away could you work out when you have seen him to make a guess at how far along you are?

So, it’s ok for posters on here to question his version of events and even to state that he must be lying? But if he isn’t lying then presumably it would be ok for him to end the relationship on the basis that the child (in his opinion) can’t possibly be his.

Time and time and time again on here posters tell people that if a man doesn’t want more children he should get a vasectomy, now it appears this man did just that, and the OP is pregnant so he must be lying?

Maybe the OP is the one not being honest here?

It’s really unlikely he lied. Why would he? Why would his mates be colluding in him having unprotected sex by telling the vasectomy story - it’s pretty far-fetched! Vasectomies do fail sometimes- rare, but someone has to be the 1 in whatever chance. I’m sorry, OP. What a shock.

anyfucker I don’t doubt it’s embellished considering none of his mates were there and they still find it hilarious. I do believe he’s had a vasectomy though, there’s just no reason that he’d have pretended to and also got his mates involved in the lie with some crap anecdote.

sightlinesandsolutions again, it’s not something I’ve asked about too much. He told me that was the reason he got the vasectomy and told me he’d had a blank sample a couple of months after the operation. I really don’t think it’s some weird, massive lie that needs holes picking in it.

I don’t know how he’ll react to me telling him I’m pregnant. Obviously if he doubts me (and even if he doesn’t) he needs to go and have it checked as it’s obviously stopped working somehow. It’s certainly not going to be a pleasant conversation.

A semen sample is an essential part of the vasectomy process. Semen is usually tested around 12 weeks after the procedure, sometimes earlier, to check for the presence of sperm. If sperm are found, the test will be repeated until negative. It has absolutely nothing to do with any medical condition anyone might have, and is not offered as an extra.

Bollocks. Excuse the pun. Yes it is recommended you get checked after a vasectomy but I can assure you it’s not essential. My husband had a vasectomy and was advised to get a semen sample checked but we haven’t ever and no one has chased it up or even asked tbh. I can see why the OPs partner would have been diligent in testing if his ex wife had a condition etc. So I don’t think that he’s lying at all. Why on earth would he?
@OverThinkingUnderDoing it’s a huge thing to get to grips with so don’t rush. Clearly you’ve not got HG this time as you’ve not been experiencing that and it would probably have kicked in already... so this pregnancy may not be like the others. You’ve already had cervical cancer- but many people are robbed of their chance to become mothers or to become pregnant again following treatment for this- so again it’s not a reason specifically to NOT remain pregnant should you wish to do so.
Wishing you all the best though as it must be a real head fuck...

Oh dear! If it was an asda own test though they are notorious for giving false positive.

Not all student nurses are equipped to do the job, especially as they are no longer expected to have any work experience. In 12 years of nursing I’ve met students who have refused to touch patients, had never seen a naked man and one particular gem who told I was bad at my job because I’d missed a grade 4 pressure sore on a skin integrity check..... it was his anus . I can quite believe his story unfortunately. I would personally ring and just get it out of the way rather than worry about it.

@user1471462428 hahahaha!! I had a student come to me at 3 am pale and sweaty asking me to come and help her wash a patient because he had pooed himself whilst asleep and as the hca was on break I agreed, got the stuff and went over to a patient who absolutely was not incontinent. So I asked her to show me and she lifted the sheet and pointed out his testicles

@Sightlinesandsolutions

"He had it checked a couple of months after he had it done as his ex wife had a condition where she could get seriously ill if she fell pregnant again."

A semen sample is an essential part of the vasectomy process. Semen is usually tested around 12 weeks after the procedure, sometimes earlier, to check for the presence of sperm. If sperm are found, the test will be repeated until negative. It has absolutely nothing to do with any medical condition anyone might have, and is not offered as an extra.

I'm not sure why he provided this elaborate and incorrect bit of detail, but it definitely caught my eye.

More likely they had the vasectomy because of his wife's condition and made sure they went to the check up because it's his wife's condition rather than an elaborate lie involving his friends to go around impregnating women against their will.

Oh wow, that would be bad luck. I hope you get another test, some aren't that great! Fingers crossed for you.

Do another test just to be sure. It could be a false positive. Don't know if the odds are more likely for that than a failed vasectomy.

@FMyUterus that’s so funny. I’m always surprised by the ones who don’t care at all, you do wonder why they chose nursing .

Oh OP

I know your partner said he's not interested in any more children but that's before he's found out his girlfriend is pregnant! I wonder if he'll change his mind once you tell him?

Do you want this baby? It kind of sounds like you do a little bit

@AlternativePerspective

So, it’s ok for posters on here to question his version of events and even to state that he must be lying? But if he isn’t lying then presumably it would be ok for him to end the relationship on the basis that the child (in his opinion) can’t possibly be his.

Time and time and time again on here posters tell people that if a man doesn’t want more children he should get a vasectomy, now it appears this man did just that, and the OP is pregnant so he must be lying?

Maybe the OP is the one not being honest here?

Whilst this is broadly the same point I was making it’s really harsh to accuse the OP.

I simply meant it would be understandable if he had those thoughts, not that they would be correct.

This is how my sister was conceived. My dad had the snip, had the check, told it definitely worked. It reserved less than 7 years later and so my sister came along.

I’m sorry it’s happened to you!

@Sightlinesandsolutions eh? you’ve read it out of context havent you?

He obviously was explaining that he knows the procedure worked because his semen was tested. The mention of his ex-wifes condition was obviously just context for the tale.

It’s not an incorrect bit of detail..

If you think there's any chance you will want a termination, don't tell him, as soon as you tell him it becomes a joint decision and it doesn't need to be.