He’s had a vasectomy and I’m pregnant

[OverThinkingUnderDoing]

I’ve been seeing someone for about 6 months, thought all was going really, really well. We’re both divorced, 2 dc each and neither of us want more. He had a vasectomy after his youngest was born 8 years ago (he’s definitely not lying about this due to a funny anecdote that all his mates love to remind him about).

I’ve been feeling really under the weather for the last few weeks. Did a CV test, all fine. It was only at the supermarket this morning that I suddenly thought maybe I’m pregnant and grabbed a test just to put my mind at ease. I’ve always had irregular periods, not had one since September but that’s nothing unusual.

Just did the test and I’m pregnant. I could fucking scream. I’ve just had the worst year of my entire life, meeting this man is the only good thing that’s happened to me in years.

I know what I’ve got to do. I just don’t want to do it and wanted to vent somewhere.

If he didn't have all his checks which I believe to be 20 ejaculations, then he wouldn't know if it worked

Er... What? Theres a sperm check 2-3 months after the procedure. If the sample is clear of sperm then the procedure is deemed to have worked, end of story. Nobody keeps testing years after the procedure if they got a blank post-procedure sample. Spontaneous reversal is extremely rare, especially years later.

@Respectabitch she doing mean you have 20 years, but you don't have the tests done until after a certain number of ejaculations, because there can still be some sperm in the tubes.

[quote AndThatsNotRight]@Respectabitch she doing mean you have 20 years, but you don't have the tests done until after a certain number of ejaculations, because there can still be some sperm in the tubes.[/quote]
That's covered by the 3-month post procedure check though, and the OP indicated that (to her knowledge) her DP had it and it came up blank. The PP seemed to be implying that the DP somehow missed "all the checks" and should be having his sperm count rechecked even after that blank sample.

Give this guy a chance to show his true colours in terms of supporting whichever decision you make for yourself. He'll initially be as shocked as you are presumably but who he shows himself to be after that will let you know if he is truly a promising future prospect or not.

@Respectabitch he'll need a new one now that it seems to have failed.

My dp should've had two checks after his, and for fairing reasons we didn't get round to doing either of them. So he had a single one more than a year after he'd had the op, we should've had two originally – so if he only had one the time it could be possible that he still needed one even if it weren't for the now apparent failure.

he'll need a new one now that it seems to have failed..
the now apparent failure. apparent failure.
Well there's no seems or apparent unless you're accusing op of lying. What he needs a second of is vasectomy ✂️

Hey @OverThinkingUnderDoing just hoping you’re doing ok?

When I got pregnant as a surprise at your age I went to a Babyshambles gig; it seemed appropriate 😂

Seriously though, hope you’re all right

@SleepingStandingUp

he'll need a new one now that it seems to have failed.. the now apparent failure. apparent failure. Well there's no seems or apparent unless you're accusing op of lying. What he needs a second of is vasectomy ✂️

I'd be more likely to suspect him of lying than the op, but it failing is most likely I would think.

@Overthinkingunderdoing how are you doing?

Pretty crap misssmiley, thanks for asking though. I’ve got a phone call with BPAS tomorrow. I had a video call with dp yesterday but he was a bit tipsy after a meal out so it didn’t really seem the right time to say anything.

@OverThinkingUnderDoing what a nightmare scenario. It is entirely under your control though, don't feel guilty if you don't want to go ahead. I think you do need to share this with your OH though, sooner rather than later. You're carrying too much on your own.

What a difficult situation OP

Hugs today @OverThinkingUnderDoing. Thinking of you 💐

@OverThinkingUnderDoing what time is your phone call? I'm thinking of you, do you think you'll still tell DP on the phone or wait until Saturday?

Thinking of you 💐

I hope you are okay OP 🌺

How did your telephone appointment go OP?

Hope your telephone consultation went ok xx

I hope your head is feeling a bit clearer after your phone consultation, @OverThinkingUnderDoing.

I hope you are wrong in that your DP thinks the baby is someone else's.

@OverThinkingUnderDoing

(I love your user name, I should have used that!!)

I've been thinking about you today, wondering how your phone consultation went?

Given everything it's unbelievable that you got pregnant. Bloody sods law isn't it!!
I hope DP takes it ok & is more concerned about you than accusing you of 'playing away' but I'd give him some leeway if that's how he reacts, given hiw fucking unlikely it must be!

Have you bought a microscope yet?

Sorry for not updating. I spoke to BPAS yesterday morning and was booked to go in next week where they can do a dating scan and procedure on the same day if I want it. I spent the rest of the day in bed as was feeling so rotten.

I video called partner last night and told him. He was pretty shocked but didn’t suggest I might have cheated or anything like that. He just kept saying ‘right, ok’ on repeat for about an hour. He’s got his kids otherwise he would’ve come down to see me.

I woke up in the night with stomach cramps, got up to go to the loo and realised I was covered in blood. Phoned 111 and went into hospital this morning for an ultrasound - confirmed I was pregnant but now I’m not and no large tissue left so just sent home.

So that’s that, I guess. Partner is sorting it out with his doctors. I’m going to see him tomorrow. I’m feeling a bit delicate at the moment but I think that’s probably just hormones more than anything else.

Oh, @OverThinkingUnderDoing what a horrible time you’ve had. I’m so sorry,

It does sound like your man is a good guy though. Have an unmumsnetty hug till he gets there

Well you have had a rollercoaster of a week filled with lots of anxiety and sadness. Be gentle with yourself.

What a shocking week for you. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Your head must be all over the place. Sending hugs x

OP what a crap week x