Hi, this is a long! Hope it makes sense, I’m at my wits end, so I’ll be 38 if this baby is born, meaning I’m like literally so old to be doing this again, I’ve 5 kids, from a lazy 18 year old, 14, 14, 8, 7. This wasn’t planned in fact hubby was meant to be having the snip, but the system here is shitty, they call and ask for you to come in next day !! Which obv he couldn’t do! So we obv decided a long time ago that we def had enough kids! I mean life’s so stressful at times, so many kids, so many different dramas that go with each one 🙄 we even moved a year ago, away from everyone because it’s cheaper here, so we could get rid off our Mortage! But this house is too small for us!! We’ve still got like 14k debt which will hopefully be gone soon, I’ve got a job finally!! Which I start next week! I’ve never really worked that much because it just made sense I’m home and cheaper! But we are just starting to get life back on track, we can leave the house, leave the younger ones with my older lot 👏, I’ve not really got any friends where I am now, & don’t seem to meet anyone, most people I meet, I already know I’m too crazy or different to them. I’ve only told a few people who are all quite sensible, one or two kids, I’ve 5 😂
Anyway I’ve known for a few weeks, and on Wednesday I’m expecting to go to hospital and end this pregnancy. I feel distraught over the whole thing. But I know deep down it’s the right decision especially for the family that I have! We’re pretty skint, don’t receive any help, and never will, not that any money unless rich would be enough!
My husband obviously doesn’t want it, neither do I? So why am I even questioning it? Tomorrow I have to turn up on my own, hoping that I’m gonna make the right call.
But is it right??!
My husband I love so much he really is my life we’ve been together 19 years & been through some crap!
I’ve been drinking & smoking with the intention of termination (please no negative comments I’m not 12) but now I’m like should I just keep it? I mean I know we could make it work? But at what cost?
I know that no one can tell me what to do, & that it’s my decision which is making it so hard! Usually it’s just our decision or family choice!!
My pregnancies have all been ok I guess no real complications births all ok, all vaginal.
I’m just worried I’m gonna make the wrong choice? I’m crying my eyes out as I type, because everyone is just like yeah get rid, like it’s so easy! Not any of my pregnancies tbh anyone’s ever actually been happy for us really, everyone looks at us like we’re freaks 😂😂 but we’re just a normal but crazy working family .
I’m not sure I’d cope with the sleepless nights, I’ve no baby things so would need to buy all over again? Do we really need this for another 20 years!! But next time I’ll be almost 60!!!
I know my hubby will go along with whatever I choose but I know he thinks end and I know that’s what I should do. It just is the hardest choice ever! The waiting for the appointments of it all has been almost 4 weeks! I had a scan but didn’t look, she said only 5 weeks, that was last week, however my last period was May 19th so slightly confused over that? But I was on the pill, but I’m assuming maybe ovulation changed or whatever?
I just don’t know what to do 🤷♀️ What if I go tomorrow and back out ? Would that be my worst decision ever??! I knew this would happen it’s all the hormones making me think I can do this! Do we really wanna struggle for money? I can’t get my kids half the stuff there mates have, or go on fancy holiday or anything really? Seems stupid to make more financial strain on them & us?
Anyway any advice or experience will be much appreciated. Xxx
Thanks so much
Xxx