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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

I have a 8 month old and I'm pregnant

20 replies

Rose06 · 17/02/2019 22:30

Hi,

I have a 8 month old and I'm pregnant again. I around 9 weeks and I'm just petrified. My husband and I are both shocked. We both know financial we will be I we stretched and we will be left with nothing after childcare, bills etc. I have a consultation appointment for a potential termination tomorrow and I don't know what to do. I am so adamant that this is going to b difficult for us but I don't want the thought of killing a beautiful soul and not giving him/ her a chance. Please, any advice would help. Thanks

OP posts:

Starlive23 · 17/02/2019 22:34

Only you can answer this really, I suppose just talk it over with DH and see what they say at the appointment. Maybe don't rush into anything and give it a few days to sink in.

I had a friend that this exact situation has just happened to actually and she felt just the same.

Get your head around it for a few days and see how you feel

WombOfHerOwn · 17/02/2019 22:40

OP you have ended up posting in an odd corner of Mumsnet. Ask for the post to be moved so you get more responses.

for you. I know it’s tough but it is possible to juggle two under two. It just depends on what you think is best for your family.

Original poster

Rose06 · 17/02/2019 22:59

Thank you both for responding. I'm scared how this will impact us financially. I feel so selfish but I'm scared.

I've emailed them to have it moved. I'm new to all this and I want some advice because talking to family is out of the question

OP posts:

MNHQ

EstherMumsnet · 17/02/2019 23:07

We have moved this to the Pregnancy Choices area of the site

ReaganSomerset · 17/02/2019 23:17

There are counselling services you can access to help you decide. Google pregnancy choices counselling and look for one near you. Try not to worry too much yet.

DuffBeer · 17/02/2019 23:17

I think you are being very sensible when considering the financial implications.

However, would it be a possibility for you to be a SAHM for a while if you continued with the pregnancy so as to eliminate the childcare costs?

It's a very difficult position to be in, I'm sorry OP

SwearyInn · 17/02/2019 23:21

I got pregnant when DC1 was 8 months. It was hard but all is good. Financially tricky, but luckily manageable. I can’t comment on your financial position - only you and your DH can - but with regard to coping with 2 kids it is possible (and even possibly advantageous when they get older - and actually career wise as if you only have two - you get back to work more quickly)

But the right decision is the one that is right for you - do not let anyone tell you they know better.

Dippitydoodle · 17/02/2019 23:25

We have two with a similar age gap (16months)

Honestly, it's been fine. They're 4.5 and 6 now and the best of friends.

Paying for two lots of childcare was hard. We managed for a little while, then I left work as it just wasn't worth it. I stayed at home until the oldest got the 15hours (that was all that was on offer at the time) at preschool and then put the youngest in nursery and worked part time.
Once the youngest was 3, they had upped the the to 30, so I went back to working full time.

We planned the small gap so didn't have the shock. It's scary, but you know your family best. Let the news sink in and talk it through with your husband be kind to yourselves.

Drogosnextwife · 17/02/2019 23:25

There's only 10 months between my dp and his younger brother and he is one of 5. If you don't want a termination, don't. You will find a way to manage.
I was terrified when I got pregnant the second time, we were skint but we managed and everything worked out.
Only you can decide if a termination is the best thing for you.
Good luck

Original poster

Rose06 · 17/02/2019 23:27

Thanks for this. I have a appointment at a clinic tomorrow I might explore their counseling options.

OP posts:

MandalaYogaTapestry · 17/02/2019 23:32

I'd say if you know that you would want to have 2 children (i.e. not stop at one) eventually then you will just have to have the 2nd one sooner than you thought. Still the 2 children you wanted.

Original poster

Rose06 · 17/02/2019 23:32

It's so hard. I feel my choices are selfish. I want the best for my 8 month old but having a second baby means I wouldn't be able to dedicate enough time to him. Mentally I'm scared because I remember there first 10 weeks were so hard. I really suffered. This year has started off with no much hurdles with work, family and I first thought the news was great, a little shocking but great and now I just don't know.

OP posts:

dreamyflower · 17/02/2019 23:40

Hi OP, only you know what's right for you buy for a positive story, I fell pregnant with second when first was 9 months old. My second boy was born 3 months ago and it is a lot easier having 2 under 2 than I expected. On maternity leave again so have more time with ds1 too which is nice. I'm taking a career break as it made financial sense for me to stop teaching for 2 years than pay for 2 lots of childcare. It wasn't as expensive second time round as we had everything already. I've not bought anything new! The children a go to same baby and toddler groups and ds1 has matured and helps me with ds2. Ds1 adores his baby brother and it melts my heart to see how kind he is. When it's bedtime, I have to take baby with us as he ds1 wants him to listen to story too. I was petrified at first because ds1 didn't sleep well and I had only just gone back to work but it worked out for us. Good luck xx

Drogosnextwife · 17/02/2019 23:40

Of course you will worry OP having kids is stressful but if you were happy at first then maybe you want to have this baby, you are just letting fear run away with you.

EdtheBear · 17/02/2019 23:58

I've a friend with 18mth gap, she felt the first year was hard but beyond that brilliant. Kids are best friends who entertained each other from very young.

I have a biggish gap, not through choice, and feel my kids will never really be at the same stage in childhood.

Sit down and think carefully about the financial options esp in the early years before they get nursery funding.

KitKatCHA · 18/02/2019 00:06

My DDs have the same gap, not planned that way. I found it easier than I expected. Oldest still napped twice a day and newborn slept nearly all the time. I also had a 5 year old on top of that. Routine is key and now at 3 and 4 they're the best of friends. It's actually easier than parenting my oldest as a singleton as they entertain each other! I wish you the best of luck in making your decision

bumblenbean · 18/02/2019 00:07

There’s 11 months between my two DC (now 5 months and 16 months). It was a shock and took some getting used to, and it is hard work, but not as hard as I thought it would be. I now loving having 2 so close together. So I can reassure you that it is definitely doable - But it’s different for everyone and only you can decide if it’s right for you. I would say take some time to let it sink in, discuss all the options with your partner and whatever you decide don’t feel guilty. There is no wrong decision.

Foreverexhausted · 21/02/2019 23:02

I have two just 17 months apart.

Like you our second was a huge shock and financially we knew we definitely couldn't afford it, I had been made redundant so it would mean finding a new job whilst pregnant and we couldn't afford to live on DP income alone.

But, we decided to continue with the pregnancy and haven't regretted it. It was very tough for the first year, DC1 was little more than a baby when DC2 arrived but two years later I wouldn't change a thing. They play together, are very close and love each other to pieces. It's a great age gap.

And I never had time to get rid of all the baby stuff so I just re used everything.

HeyCarrieAnneWhatsYourGame · 21/02/2019 23:07

I do have a larger gap than your potential one, but not by miles- we did have two under two. And honestly, it’s been fine and now they’re older it’s lovely how close they are. Good luck with whatever you decide.

TidaQuel · 21/02/2019 23:07

I’ve 15 months between my eldest and DTs. Hard work and expensive but so worth it. They are best friends. They are into the same things, have the same friends, same abilities when it comes to parks and days out.

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