TFMR at 21 weeks - surgical or medical?

[peamad]

My husband and I have made the heartbreaking decision to terminate my pregnancy due to multiple major heart defects and a choromosonal disorder, which were discovered at our 20 week scan (on christmas eve :(). However we cannot decide between a surgical or medical abortion. I desperately don't want to have to deliver the baby in hospital, on the labour ward, mainly due to the fact that it would take so long. I also have PTSD from a previous traumatic hospital labour when our 2yo DD was born. I would much prefer to have a surgical abortion through a charity and just wake up and it be over. However my husband and I would ideally both like to have the opportunity to see the baby and say goodbye, which isn't possible with a surgical procedure. Does anyone have any experience with this, and can help me with this horrible choice?

I have no advice to give - I had a surgical at 14 weeks - but if you really want to see the baby, then I would do that as it will help with your grief. I wish I had taken mine home and buried under a tree in our garden (as was offered to me). I am sure an abortion counsellor will be able to help you with your decision. Sending lots of hugs and thoughts. xxxx

I am sorry you are facing this peamad. I went through something very similar but was not given the option of surgical. Do not worry about being on a labour ward. You will be in your own private room and for me it felt more like a hotel than a hospital, kitchen area, sofa, tv etc. The midwives were amazing and you can’t hear anything from the labour ward.

I was very unsure about seeing my little boy after but as soon as he was delivered I just wanted to hold him. I really believe this helped me come to terms with everything. He was my son and to hold him and spend time with him felt like the natural thing to do. I know I would have deeply regretted it if I didn’t.

Only you can make the choice and it’s such a hard and personal one. I am here to talk if you ever want to pm me. Will be thinking of you.

Thank you both. We have started the process of a medical abortion 🙁 I am dreading what the next few days will bring but also know that this is the right decision for the sake of our baby.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.
We had a tfmr and lost our little boy on the 14th December.
Thinking of you.