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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

Don't want baby. CANT have termination

25 replies

heatherxo · 13/12/2016 19:37

Just found out I'm pregnant again. I have an 18 month old (different father) and I'm "depressed".
My boyfriend doesn't want this baby, he wants me to terminate.
I had an abortion 6 years ago and there is no way I can go through that again. I know I will hate myself if I do.
I don't know what to do, I'm scared and I feel so alone right now

OP posts:

Crankycunt · 13/12/2016 19:38

What do you want?

Stitchfusion · 13/12/2016 19:40

There is nothing to do. You have already made the decision. Deep breathes.
This too shall pass.

Original poster

heatherxo · 13/12/2016 19:44

I don't know what I want. I don't feel ready to have another baby just yet. And I don't want our relationship to be ruined (although it already is tbh)

But I don't want a termination..
I'm so confused right now

OP posts:

FatOldBag · 13/12/2016 19:46

What about adoption? Lots of loving families are waiting for a baby to adopt. How would you and he feel about that?

Sophieeleanorxx · 13/12/2016 19:47

Just keep the baby things will work out in the end they always do.

Original poster

heatherxo · 13/12/2016 19:50

I know I couldn't go through with adoption.
I have until next Monday to think things over before seeing the doctor about whether or not I want a termination. I'm hoping I know what to do then.
Thanks everyone

OP posts:

AllOfTheCoffee · 13/12/2016 19:53

Forget about what he wants. It is your choice. If he supports you, great. If not he wasn't worth keeping anyway.

Ask the Dr for counselling. I think you're always offered it prior to termination anyway.

FatOldBag · 14/12/2016 10:56

Ok, so you know what you can't do; you can't terminate and you can't adopt out the baby. So I think what remains really is keeping the baby. It's a case of coming to terms with that. I agree, forget about what he wants, he's not the one carrying the child so it's not as 'real' to him as it is to you. It's easier for him to say 'have an abortion' because he can't understand the reality of that, physically and emotionally.

Do have some counselling, it's a really hard time and much harder without a partner supportive of your decision. Remember to put yourself first.

specialsubject · 18/12/2016 10:30

Forget boyfriend, dump and chase for child support. Things dont just 'work out' so you need to decide how you will house, feed and clothe two children.

If you don't want an abortion and won't consider adoption - both of which are your call- then that's it. Every child a wanted child.

And please, double up on contraception in future.

peakzy · 25/12/2016 14:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lostmyemailaddress · 25/12/2016 14:42

Peakzy there is such a thing as contraception failure and I think your reply is disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself. If you can't think of anything helpful to say then it's best not to post.

Soubriquet · 25/12/2016 14:50

Peakzy

That attitude is digusting

I'm reporting your comment and hope it gets removed

Accidents happen. Don't be a dick about it

OP I hope you come to a decision you are happy with

DorindaJ · 25/12/2016 14:53

Wow. That a rather unkind and completely unnecessary post peakzy

CheesesofNazareth12 · 25/12/2016 14:56

Don't feed the trolls...

Cherryskypie · 25/12/2016 14:59

Ignore the troll.

You know you don't want an abortion. That means you are having a baby. There's never a good time and it's not what you planned but there will be positives. Try to focus on those.

lovelearning · 25/12/2016 15:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kr1stina · 25/12/2016 15:37

I'm sorry, I know it's very frightening . But you don't have to be alone there's hekp and advice out there to help you make your decision.

Do you know how many weeks you are, as that will affect your choices and how quickly you have to decide?

Here's your choices

Have a termination
Have the baby and place him / her for adoption
Have the baby and have him /her brought up by someone in your extended family or the fathers extended family
Have the baby and bring him / her up yourself

I understand that you don't want to do any of these right now. So maybe you just have to decide on the least bad option for you.

I know this is really hard , it's one of they most difficult decisions a woman ever has to make .

lovelearning · 25/12/2016 16:32

I don't want our relationship to be ruined (although it already is tbh)

heatherxo, your relationship has run its course. x

I couldn't go through with adoption

Don't even think about it.

I don't want a termination

heatherxo, I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy.

Crumbs1 · 25/12/2016 16:35

Use more effective contraception? Wait until you are committed fully in a relationship before having a child?

DeepanKrispanEven · 25/12/2016 16:47

Congratulations on a thoroughly pointless post, Crumbs1.

ILikeyourHairyHands · 25/12/2016 16:49

You know you could have a termination, sometimes it's the least worst option.

Why do you feel you couldn't go through that again rather than bringing a possibly problematic child into the world?

I am extremely sympathetic to your plight, please feel as though you can talk frankly.

ILikeyourHairyHands · 25/12/2016 16:50

And I'm sorry you've had a few dickish answers, I won't give you any.

Corabell · 25/12/2016 16:51

Oh fuck off crumbs. No contraception is 100 per cent effective. Well done for making a person in a shit situation feel worse.

expatinscotland · 25/12/2016 16:55

It's never worth trying to save a relationship with someone who tries to bully you into having a termination you don't want. Dump him.

AKAmyself · 25/12/2016 17:58

I wonder what's behind your statement that you can't have a termination. Is it because you had one before? The circumstances are very different and the experience of it might also be very different. If ther is counselling available please take it and explore all your options. You owe it to yourself, your existing child and any future child of yours (this one included if you decided to go ahead). Every child deserves to be a wanted child and every mother deserves to be a willing mother.

Be kind to yourself and good luck.

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