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Pregnancy choices

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18 weeks pregnant - need abortion

223 replies

Cookiesandcream123 · 01/08/2015 18:36

I am 28 years old. I was a single mum to my now 9 year old son. I went back to study and have graduated last year with my degree. I started a job 3 months ago and found out I was pregnant. I won't get maternity. Only maternity allowance. My partner is unemployed, can't read or write, has no work experience and lacks motivation to find work. I have given him opportunity after opportunity to get a job and help out. He lives in my house, drives my car, uses my money and now it's got to the position of my payday being 2 weeks away and I've just run out of gas and there is one run of tomato soup in the house and no money. I'm considering an abortion. In fact. I have one booked. I've worked so hard for my degree and my job as a single mum and now I've got this new man dragging my life down. I earn decent wages. But not enough to support a grown man as well. I don't want to be a single mum to two children with no money or help and thrown my career away for a man who may be going to prison. I'm 18 weeks pregnant today. Please advise

OP posts:
twofingerstoGideon · 02/08/2015 09:52

OP, Glad to see you've had some good, practical information from people in a similar career. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. It's your choice and it's up to you to 'explain' (or not) in whatever way you see fit. It's your body and your life. A couple of people have made the very good point that going ahead with the pregnancy would tie you to this man for a long period of time. If you don't want him in your life, I think that's an important consideration here, too. On the other hand, if you decide to stay pregnant, good luck - many single parents do manage (I'm one) even though it's no picnic!

BabyMum1 · 02/08/2015 10:03

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pinktrufflechoc · 02/08/2015 10:07

Man that's just wrong

To you. Other people feel it is right for them. If you feel terminating a pregnancy at 18 weeks is wrong, don't do it.

OP has explained clearly and articulately how she ended up in this relationship.

You seem to have got your pronouns confused BabyMum which suggests to me you didn't read it very closely Hmm

She is trying to get a job and support her child and this will be made infinitely easier by NOT continuing with this pregnancy.

Your post is unpleasant and unsupportive.

twofingerstoGideon · 02/08/2015 10:12

Oh dear, BabyMum. Why don't you read the thread instead of just jumping right in with your judgments?

BabyMum1 · 02/08/2015 10:12

Sorry but she's using her money to support bf than give the baby a chance!!
Even if she gets a job money will go to bf
That's the sad truth!!!
After all this and bf is still in the house.......no regret? Not a word about the bad choices OP made.... Cud happen again u know!!

Ilovecrapcrafts · 02/08/2015 10:13

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redsquareyellowsquare · 02/08/2015 10:14

As you have said yourself, it is completely a choice for you and you alone, but in your position I would certainly terminate. I would also definitely be telling family and friends that it was a miscarriage (as opposed to a termination for medical reasons, mainly because that would raise further questions).

Perhaps irrelevant, but I am currently 18 weeks myself, planned, and I am personally very excited and happy, but for me, feeling the baby kick and seeing the scan photos would make a difficult decision harder, but certainly not impossible.

You have clearly worked really hard to get where you are, and even if there is potentially more financial support/time to complete your studies, you have waited a long time already and deserve your success now.

All the best in making this very difficult decision, but you will undoubtably make the right choice for you.

(...do ditch the bf though!)

pinktrufflechoc · 02/08/2015 10:15

Does anyone seriously think a badly written post like that would make someone think 'oh yeah hang in, I'll go ahead with the pregnancy after all.' Hmm

Op has made her decision.

Ilovecrapcrafts · 02/08/2015 10:15

Exactly who cares what Babymum thinks?

Gileswithachainsaw · 02/08/2015 10:17

piss off babymum

you have no idea what's happened that has lead to this point. or what op has been through.

unless you are going to house feed clothe and keep her job open or boot camp her boy friend I suggest you keep your mouth shut.

People are perfectly entitled to exercise their legal right to choose fir whatever reasons they deem fit.

BeeMyBaby · 02/08/2015 10:22

Not read the other posts but as he does do the childcare then presumably he is helping and if you had the baby maybe he could look after it and possibly childmind some other children to bring in some extra money? I'm presuming he is good with the children as you leave your son with him.

BabyMum1 · 02/08/2015 10:23

Stop attacking the ones who r anti choice... Don't be aggressive because u don't like to be faced with the truth
I didn't hear OP say how she regretted it how she ll be careful from now on etc I hear someone making excuses taking no responsibility

Cookies whatever u do make sure u don't do it again! Not good for ur body or ur mental state
Whatever choice u make be responsible mother from now on and most of all get rid of the trash in ur life.. Otherwise u might do the same mistake again!!

Ilovecrapcrafts · 02/08/2015 10:27

I can't believe you have posted that you are anti choice Shock

SueBigFatSue · 02/08/2015 10:28

Goodness grief. I've always thought I would never ever consider an abortion but in your situation OP, I'd probably do it.

Go with your gut instinct. You know what's best. Yes, you could probably cope on terrible money but then, it's being bonded to a man child for life?

It's a terrible situation to be in and one I hope, nobody else on this thread has to face! It's very easy to say 'keep the baby' until you find yourself in cookies position.

SueBigFatSue · 02/08/2015 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn.

BabyMum1 · 02/08/2015 10:34

OMG!! Really? U were shocked that I said she has a girl not a boy and not by the fact that she must be responsible as a mum and ensure she doesn't repeat it??!

Ilovecrapcrafts · 02/08/2015 10:37

Who on earth do you think you are Babymum? I feel sorry for your friends and family, god forbid they should need your support for similar

Cookiesandcream123 · 02/08/2015 10:37

Babymum1 - perhaps a better way to spend a Sunday morning for a self declared anti-choice woman would be anywhere else but here - in pregnancy choices section - one could be inclined to think you purposely seek posts such as these

OP posts:
GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter · 02/08/2015 10:40

Any chance the anti-choicers could back the fuck off?

Take your misogyny and finger-pointing elsewhere BabyMum1.

pinktrufflechoc · 02/08/2015 10:41

Give it a rest BabyMum

Everyone is fully entitled to feel how they feel but you are being extremely unhelpful.

You should NEVER judge how a woman found herself with an unwanted pregnancy as there are sometimes reasons for it that you cannot know, and they are certainly not all 'didn't use contraception, how irresponsible!'

However even if we assume (quite possibly incorrectly) that contraception was used badly/not at all, don't you think going ahead with a pregnancy you do not want and a lifetime of raising a child you did not want is a draconian 'punishment'?

Ideally, no pregnancy would be unwanted. Contraception would always be used and always be effective. People would not change their minds about the pregnancy once they became pregnant and all babies would be healthy.

That's not going to happen, is it? So we have options ONCE SOMEONE IS PREGNANT!

Marie Stopes are very keen on giving you the implant by the way - I had to be quite forceful in telling them I did not want it when I terminated my pregnancy. It is not an experience anyone wants but people go through with it because they want a baby less.

The only reason anyone needs for terminating is 'I do not want a baby.'

Now it is fine if you disagree with that. You don't have a termination!

But I presume you have children. I presume you know how horrendous pregnancy can be with sickness and exhaustion and weight gain. I presume you know how vulnerable and lonely and terrifying pregnancy can be. I presume you know the agony of childbirth. I presume you acknowledge raising a child can also be lonely and frightening and expensive and stressful.

Motherhood can be wonderful but easy it isn't and NO ONE has the right to insists someone should undergo all that because they were 'irresponsible'. It's none of your business!

specialsubject · 02/08/2015 10:42

ok, it seems adoption is a bad idea for reasons of which I am not aware. Apologies.

I am firmly pro-choice and believe that an abortion is better than an unwanted child, so in this position, I would abort. So I would fully support anyone else who does. But I would also not judge anyone who doesn't. That's what choice means.

there is a legal cut off in the UK and the OP is before that, so she has the choice. And so she should.

BabyMum1 · 02/08/2015 10:44

Ilovecrapcrafts don't feel sorry for them they r doing just fine .. They ve had my support over the years, but I'm not going to hold by the hand someone who's doesn't show any regret at all

Obviously we r making mistakes sometimes huge ones but it's for OP's best to try to have a think about her actions and what she can do better in her life. An abortion is not easy on anyone's body or mind, she won't do it and live happily without any consequences... She will hurt emotionally as she's loosing a baby, psycologically and physically
It's for her own benefit to reevaluate her life, to see what she needs to fix to bring the best out of this nasty situation
If everything stays as is after such a choice and loss it will be a massive shame

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter · 02/08/2015 10:47

Bollocks, Babymum. Horrible doom-mongering post.

There was a long thread recently full of MNers declaring that they had to regretted their abortion or felt guilt/shame in any way. The anti-women, anti-choicers (like YOU) like to pretend that every woman is negatively affected by her abortion, but that simply isn't true.

whydoicare · 02/08/2015 10:48

babymum what a load of bollocks. So, the OP hasn't told you she regrets anything and how she will be careful from now on? So fucking what. Why do you, me or anyone on an anonymous forum deserve to hear that. Maybe she doesn't regret it. What the fuck does it have to do with you. We aren't here to watch the OP wear a sackcloth and ashes in apology. She may decide to exercise her legal right to terminate her pregnancy. She has no need to apologise, justify or explain herself.

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter · 02/08/2015 10:48

*not regretted