18 weeks pregnant - need abortion

[Cookiesandcream123]

I am 28 years old. I was a single mum to my now 9 year old son. I went back to study and have graduated last year with my degree. I started a job 3 months ago and found out I was pregnant. I won't get maternity. Only maternity allowance. My partner is unemployed, can't read or write, has no work experience and lacks motivation to find work. I have given him opportunity after opportunity to get a job and help out. He lives in my house, drives my car, uses my money and now it's got to the position of my payday being 2 weeks away and I've just run out of gas and there is one run of tomato soup in the house and no money. I'm considering an abortion. In fact. I have one booked. I've worked so hard for my degree and my job as a single mum and now I've got this new man dragging my life down. I earn decent wages. But not enough to support a grown man as well. I don't want to be a single mum to two children with no money or help and thrown my career away for a man who may be going to prison. I'm 18 weeks pregnant today. Please advise

I wish you well cookies. and I hope whatever you do, you are ok x

I may be wrong, but you may have to deliver. Someone correct me here, but if you do deliver, the baby's life will be terminated beforehand. Why not put baby up for adoption? I know... I know, going through an unwanted pregnancy would be tough.
I feel so sad for this baby. :-( I feel sad for you. I was a single mother myself and I was recalling lately this absolute loser I nearly got caught up in dating. He was just totally dim, uneducated, just the kind you don't bring home to mama. I would normally NEVER look at a guy like that, but single motherhood is tough. You just get so darn lonely as a single mother, even if you are 'strong' and determined and driven and a great mother... I think the self-esteem when it comes to men just tanks. So trust me, I get you. But sweetheart, don't bottom feed. Don't. Anyway, try ringing up Marie Stopes for medical advice. They will answer all of your questions. Good luck, sincerely. I feel, feel, feel for you. Get this joker out of your life, ok?!

I'm stepping away from this post now.

I am not comparing myself to you OP like I said I had no choice in my matter.

And yes I have been able to justify my decision to myself and find peace (wow that's big of you hoping I've found peace with a forced on me decison!) because the decision like I said wasn't made by me, I had no choice. Seriously. I would've been cut off forever by my family and I felt I had no choice in the matter.

I was trying to make you see that yes you do have choices, earning money, in a job etc. ultimately it's up to you what you do. I wasn't trying to make you feel guilty but hey I'm a dick like the rest of the people here who disagree with your decison and for what it's worth I'm trying to make you see that if you do regret this why you will. I know my brother's ex GF regretted her decisions which again she didn't have a lot of choice over.

Putting a baby up for adoption is not as simple as 'I would like to have my baby adopted please' 'oh ok, here are a loving couple who would be delighted to have him!'

OP would be subject to some heavy pressure to keep the baby with her.

Then if she resisted they would try to place him within the family.

She would have to explain to family friends and colleagues about her decision and why.

Her baby would be placed initially in the care system.

He would be able to find her at 18 and I'm fairly sure would be encouraged to keep a relationship with her other son up which would throw obvious questions about 'why did you keep him and not me' into the equation.

I'm pro adoption but I would never do this and understand why others couldn't too.

OP hasn't posted asking if she should have him adopted.

This is my point super. You may have felt like you had no choice - ultimately you did. It was your decision - no one held you down and removed the pregnancy. You chose to do that because of the options you would have been left with had you not made that choice.

I wouldn't usually continue with this - but you are so quick to judge your brothers girlfriend and I that you fail to be self aware of your own choice. You continuously say you had no choice. But abortion is always a choice and is could not be psychically forced.

Some people aren't strong enough to account the decision they made as theirs as it ultimately can be the mother and the mother Alones decision

I'm sorry you're in such a difficult predicament. Have some counselling, or talk it through thoroughly with somebody you trust and make the decision that's best for you, in full possession of all of the facts (particularly in relation to finances). Really hoping life turns a corner for you whatever you decide. Really can't abide the women who feel they have the right to judge you- I wonder how or why they think they've earned this special entitlement. I dread to think of how unhappy they must feel to thrive off upsetting others under the guise of taking the moral high ground.

cookies please read the comments and make up your own mind what's right for you.
I'd personally feel it had to abort at 28 weeks when I was in my 30s, but now in my 50s I'd go for termination asap as it wouldn't be right for me.
Please do what is right for you at this moment. Good luck with your decision

Would be hard to abort at 18 weeks.

Fuck Ginger that post is not helpful.

If I say what I'd like to say to you I'd be def banned so I won't but please consider OPs feelings.

From your post it sounds like you'd be getting rid of your baby because of your partner? Sounds like he's the one that needs to go. Good luck with your decision

The reason the law is drawn at 24 weeks is because after 24 weeks the baby can survive independently from the mother.

Prior to that they can't.

I think most people regardless of how pro choice they are agree that the sooner a termination can be performed the better but it isn't always possible.

I terminated a planned pregnancy at 8 weeks. I didn't feel good about it exactly but I did feel relieved.

Have reported Gingers comment.

It isn't because of her partner.

She didn't plan the pregnancy, she feels she wouldn't cope as a lone parent and doesn't feel the father is a positive contributor to the baby's life.

Whether you or anyone else deem these good reasons or not is beside the point. They are good enough for the OP.

Personally i couldnt live with it. I was faced with a decision many years ago and didnt go through with it. I have lovely twin boys [ now adults]. I was unmarried and very young and had no prospects. There is always a way. You just find a way to manage it. I think abortion at 18wks is very late. In the end however, you will make a decision but in your heart you must have some doubt or why come on here?
What will you say to your ds?
Ditch your partner and keep your precious baby boy imo.

Sometimes it's easier to go ahead with a pregnancy when you have no prospects.

The OP has got prospects. Understandably she wants to keep them.

There is a 'way' but some people don't want to choose the hard way - it's fine if others do but it's not a choice we should demand others make.

Op- hope you're feeling ok and not regretting asking for advice. The majority here clearly want to support you and offer genuine kindness. If you can, ignore those who clearly have no regard for how other people feel/have issues with decisions they've made themselves

Didn't want to read and run. Hi op hope your ok I think you have responded very well to some vile people on this thread. I think it's your body, your life and your choice. Thinking about you and good luck whatever you decide x

Sounds like you've worked so hard to get to where you are, and you deserve huge respect for doing that. Really hope you'll find more self-respect and get rid of the deadweight male that's draining what you've worked for.
The abortion is totally your choice, and the reason you decide if you have the abortion or not is also totally yours to share or not, no one else has the right to know your reasons for whatever decision you make, only you know what will be best for you and your current situation. I really hope you can find the answers you need within yourself and get your future on the track you want it to be. All the best

Green, she doesn't have a 'precious baby boy' - thats projecting and very deliberately attempting to guilt the OP. She is entitled under the law to terminate the pregnancy and that is the decision she is carefully weighing up. You don't have to agree but no one here has any right at all to judge her.
OP I think you are spot on - those posters saying they had no choice of course had a choice - it may have been for them a hugely unpalateable choice but they still had the choice. And that it is ok to terminate at 10 weeks but not in later stages - how marvellous for them to get to decide that for you - who knows where they would decide to make a cut off point and thankfully its not their decision to make. I don't even want to touch the 'please consider adoption' comments - and I'm saying that as an adopter of a toddler.
I hope you are ok and get the support in real life that you need.

In the most sensitive way possible, the tone of your posts comes across as you wanting to have to abortion, and that is absolutely ok. You do not need to justify yourself to anyone. You are allowed to find this decision upsetting and still go through with it. This is about you and what's best for you and the son you already have. If you find a way to keep the baby and truly want it and that decision is 100% yours then that's also ok. Please don't make a decision based on what other people want and what other people would feel though. A couple of your reasons for wanting to terminate were worrying about how your son would feel and having to explain yourself to people who know of the pregnancy. Those are not reasons to keep an unwanted baby and correct me if I'm wrong but I don't remember reading that you want this baby. You absolutely have my support and zero judgement

Apologies, for not wanting to terminate

Op, you won't have to deliver, that's complete nonsense.

For those advocating adoption (and I am adopted).
How do you explain this to your 5yr old?
How do you explain this to your small town?
Do you really think even the pro lifers here would congratulate you on giving your baby away, and that's how it would be viewed.

Op, you sound very level headed and i'm really impressed with the way you've responded to some posters here.

I'm so sorry you're in this position. This clearly wasn't a planned pg; it must have been a shock for you to find out about it.

If, having weighed up all the options, you think abortion is the least worst choice then you are perfectly entitled to make that choice. Wrt what you could say to people to explain it, you can say anything you want. Something went wrong, you lost it, you had a tfmr. Whatever will make it easier for you and your ds. It won't be easy, but abortion rarely is no matter at what stage the pg is.

Ignore those telling you you can cope. How do they know? Like a pp said, it wouldn't matter if you were a millionaire. I can't get on board with this idea that 'it was different for me, i had no choice'. There's always a choice. sometimes not a very nice one but there is always a choice to be made. You are the one in the situation You are the one who will have to feed, clothe and care for two children (possibly on your own). This is a decision only you can make.

As others have said, i hope you ditch the man whatever happens. You deserve so much better.