18 weeks pregnant - need abortion

[Cookiesandcream123]

I am 28 years old. I was a single mum to my now 9 year old son. I went back to study and have graduated last year with my degree. I started a job 3 months ago and found out I was pregnant. I won't get maternity. Only maternity allowance. My partner is unemployed, can't read or write, has no work experience and lacks motivation to find work. I have given him opportunity after opportunity to get a job and help out. He lives in my house, drives my car, uses my money and now it's got to the position of my payday being 2 weeks away and I've just run out of gas and there is one run of tomato soup in the house and no money. I'm considering an abortion. In fact. I have one booked. I've worked so hard for my degree and my job as a single mum and now I've got this new man dragging my life down. I earn decent wages. But not enough to support a grown man as well. I don't want to be a single mum to two children with no money or help and thrown my career away for a man who may be going to prison. I'm 18 weeks pregnant today. Please advise

So, your son will lose two from his life, a man he has probably got used to and the brother he looks forward to having in his life

Marxist, the OP says her DP refuses to get a job and could well end up in prison. Is it really best for OPs 9 year old son to have this influence in his life? For a child of hers to have a pretty useless man-child father?

@librarieshave opoerr. This is definitely something I will be looking into further on 'Monday. fingers crossed as although it would not dramatically change the scenario. It would present more options - TC's are like gold dust these days so to go from that to a single mum on benefit money is what can only be described as a nightmare. Again, many cope on benefits who have no choice - but currently I have a choice although somewhat difficult

OP, if you don't want this child, have the abortion, tell people you miscarried/had to terminate for medical reasons or tell them nothing. It's entirely up to you and none of those options are 'sick', some posters are projecting (if understandably). You could even be honest and find that you have more support that you think.
If you want the baby, keep it. Either way, get rid of the bf, he sounds like he brings nothing to your life other than free childcare and you sound like you have no feelings for him.
It's obviously your choice but if you are looking for outside opinion, if I were you I'd terminate. You are on the cusp of professional success and financial independence (bf aside) and would struggle with another child, this child would also tie you to bf for life.

That's adifficult situation. But get rid of this man as a priority before you decide anything else. He is doing nothing but dragging you down. In your circumstances I think such a late term abortion is not an easy choice.. But it's up to you. As long as you won't regret it in future.

I think Dr Lego makes some great points. Look into what you're really entitled to at work, not just what they say.

It's your choice.
I had an abortion at 23 weeks a few years back, not that it should be relevant but I didn't know until 19 weeks, and the system had me wait four, I have never regretted it.
Contact Marie Stopes or BPAS.
Wishing you the best.

Sorry, posted too soon.

This right now is about OPs decision to terminated she doesn't need people to make her feel guilty about the position she is in now. She's in it, so let's focus on supporting her, yeah?

I think people are forgetting that this baby ties the op to this man for life. She will constantly have to fund his travel or time he spends with the child. put up with his unreliability which will make work harder.

give her a break seriously.

op

www.sra.org.uk/documents/students/training-contract/requirements.pdf

Try this pdf OP. Page 11.

Hi Cookiesandcream123,

Sorry you have such a tough decision ahead of you.

Would it be okay if we moved your thread over to our Pregnancy Choices topic?

MNHQ why does it matter?

Cookie my situation was slightly different in that I had a tfmr. My dd2 had trisomy 18 which is incompatible with life, she most likely wouldn't have made it to term and if she did would have died very quickly.

However, I have struggled with guilt as well as grief. It has been a very hard time. Dd2 was planned, tried for and much wanted. I think that will have made it harder.

It sounds like (please correct me if I've got the wrong end of the stick) this baby was unplanned and possible unwanted (I hate saying that, sorry!) but now you have seen the scan you have started bonding and couldn't go through with an earlier termination.

I cannot imagine being in your situation. I really feel for you. You have to do what is right for you and your family. I will say that after 21 weeks it is a little more grim in that you have to have an injection to stop the heart (I'm not sure if this is the case in a surgical procedure or if they would do that while you were under anyway) either way, knowing my dd would never survive, having that injection is easily the most traumatic thing I have ever done and experienced. I don't want to scare you but I would urge you to try and make your decision before this cut off, I wouldn't wish that on anyone that could avoid it.

I think it's fantastic that you have managed to get your degree and a TC, and I think you should hang onto that - they are as rare as anything so if your enjoying it then hang onto it.

Money wise - stop supporting the guy, could you survive a a couple of months on maternity allowance and go back to work early? e.g - hit the credit cards for 3 months if needs be, could you find low-cost child-care when you do go back? so rather than the £1200+ a month nursery could you find a cheap childminder, an au-pair, a nanny share etc, or get a friend or relative to help out with child-care?

I'm saying this because I think your worried that your options are very black and white and limited but I don't think they are, I think you can find a way to ditch the guy, survive on less money in the 'very short term' and ultimately have a great career.

A friend of mine recently went back to work (in london) two weeks after a c-section, she got a friend to look after her baby, unusual but that's what she had to do, keep posting here - atb.

MUMSNET - don't move it to pregnancy choices, move it to the legal section!

MNHQ why does it matter?

Because its more appropriate to that topic and she might get less shitty answers.

Why would you move it to legal?

I completely understand why you might not feel able to be honest with friends and family. An abortion is private if you want it to be. I hope you reach a decision you feel best about.

This does sound really hard, you've missed that "early" option through not knowing any sooner. If you do have the termination, will you stay with the father? (I think all of mumsnet is hoping "no" to that one).

super how on earth can you judge someone for considering an abortion when you have had one? What is the difference between 10 weeks and 18 weeks as the foetus will not be conscious yet? The only difference will be increased trauma to the OP due to the procedure.

Very judgemental and unnecessary comment, you chose to have an abortion and that's fine but OP has to suffer for her contraception failure - why precisely??

Hi there

It is your choice, just make sure it's as informed as possible.

I had an abortion, and yes, while I feel it was the best decision for me based on the information I had. I do regret that I didn't have all the facts regarding time off and financial support. It was similar, I'd just taken my final accountancy exams.

There is a massive difference between an early term termination and one at 18 weeks.

I would definitely get some counselling and ditch this drain of a partner. Obviously you are an intelligent woman. I'd ditch the lodger and make your choices based on your immediate family.

I doubt pregnancy choices gets as much traffic as pregnancy, sounds like they're trying to appease the pro life view point who must have complained. Anyway, I'm not bothered if the OP isn't.

Op whichever way this goes I would strongly recommend getting some counselling. If your firm has an employee assistance scheme you may be able to access some that way.

Off you pop, Vixxface. Take your judgement with you.