Have just found out I am pg with DC3 and its all such a mess

[SecretSlattern]

I've been a bit naive really, as I feel pg with DD very quickly after DH and I got together. I fell pg again when DD was 8 months but had a MC. After this, we waited 4 years to have DS and now, DS is 15 months and I am pg again with DC3.

It's very early days and we're both in a bit of a mess. I'm starting the last year of my degree on Monday and if this baby is due at the end of May, there is a possibility that I won't finish it, which I know is selfish, but I have put it off for 2 years to concentrate on DD and DS.

Don't know what to do or who to talk to. DH and I have agreed to keep it between ourselves but I feel that I need to talk to someone, hence my being here.

It's not only my degree stuff that I'm worried about. It's all the other stuff, such as where we are going to live, the impact on my other 2 DCs, the extra stress another DC could potentially put on DH and I. There's so much to think about and I don't really know where to start.

I have the same thing an unplanned pregnancy and a 14 month old. We were in total shock at first but I have accepted it now and dh is okay with it too. also have issues with only having a 2 bedroom house with what will be an 11 year old and 2 babies next year.

I was just starting to think about jobs, further study and stuff but will have to wait.

Not sure how to advise but wanted to reply to you.

Most dc 3's that I know of weren't planned - (including ours) but I think the shock is an initial thing and does wear off somehow, and given that there are only two sorts that the lo can come in then there will be some sharing arrangements that will work out - maybe using a downstairs room for the eldest, or possibly loft converting? and baby will be in with you to start with anyway. If you let your tutors know sooner rather than later (yes, I know... but think about it?) then there are ways of making the arrangements work out. what's your course?

Sending you a virtual hug (((hug)))

Sounds like you need some more support. Uni's tend to have very good counselling facilities who can see you much quicker than NHS ones. Maybe someone there could help you make sense of where you are and give you an idea of any support the Uni could provide.

I'm about to start on the final year of my BA (Hons) in Early Childhood Studies. I finished my foundation degree last year (2 weeks after DS was born) and so have taken an academic year off to concentrate on him. I was pg all through the second year and now again, I will be pg through my final year. This really wasn't in the plan!

We currently live in a 2 bed ground floor flat and are struggling a bit with rent arrears so moving any time soon doesn't seem possible (or I may just be feeling dramatic, I'm not sure!)

Whatever happens, I have made the decision to continue with my course. It won't be the end of the world if I have to return next year to finish it off, but at least I would have done the majority of it as planned. I have to do it now otherwise I won't ever do it. My plan is to become a teacher, but I am now grudgingly willing to wait a while to start my PGCE. I have to do my final year now though. I don't want to say anything at uni just yet, at least until we have come to a decision anyway.

The more I think about our situation, the more the reasons don't seem good enough to not go through with the pregnancy. That is how I feel at the moment anyway. DH has taken the DCs out for the day so haven't had a chance to speak to him yet. I just feel like there isn't a good enough reason to not go through with it. People cope with unexpected pg's all the time, my situation isn't too different from others.

It's not even that I'm dreading going through the baby stage again, DS still isn't sleeping through so it would seem like a continuation of that. I think I just thought I had been there and done it and wouldn't have to again. I sound terribly selfish.

I have read up on the alternative, but tbh, I've always been against it unless there is a valid reason. I don't think worrying about where we are going to live and putting careers on hold for a bit is a valid enough reason. I don't think I could go through with it for that reason. I think I would end up hating myself, especially if our other plans fell through regardless. It would feel like an unnecessary sacrifice iyswim?

I was pregnant through my final year. We were actually proof reading my dissertation on the labour ward. Dd1 was due on April 4th and my finals started on April 21st I think. She was overdue and I rang the head of the board of studies in a panic realising my first exam was three days after the potential birth. He was so lovely and said they would write a special paper just for me that I could do a month later. The other exams were a little bit later on and my mil or mum came and helped out on those days. The university were very helpful actually throughout - with accommodation as well - would they be able to help you with tha? It can be done - I got a first for that dissertation and a 2.1 overall - exactly what I hoped to get. The feeling of achievement - a baby and a degree is huge.
Good luck - it's not easy but you sound quite clear about what you can live with tbh.

Oh and just thought of something else - I also know someone who had a baby in her first year and agian her (oxbridge) college were hugely helpful. In the 'real' world women get pregnant and the organisations around them cope with that. Uni is no different.

A friend of mine actually was doing all her coursework and exams just after she'd had her DD. She had the moses basket in the room with her as she was typing up her coursework and feeding and changing the baby in-between. SHe said it was hard but it can be done. Of course, with your other children I guess you'll need a bit more solid help than she did with her one child - is there anyone who can watch them while you work? Or the childcare that you were planning on before for the other 2 could just be carried on in may?

Good luck.

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