Scared to think I may be pregnant

[RubyF]

Hi, this is the first time I am posting on the preg site. I had a first miscarriage over xmas last year and was devasated. It look a long time- 2 months for all the bleeding to stop but after it did my periods returned and I had two fairly regularly. We started to try again after the first period and now I am 2 weeks overdue for my May preiod. I have some preg symptoms aswell. I know this may sound strange but I am scared about thinking I may be pregnant again becasue of the worry of what happened the last time. It was my first preg and I have just turned 34.

Has anyone else had a similar experience and can anyone please offer any advice. Thanks

Hi Ruby, I do understand how you feel. I miscarried my first and was completely devastated by it. Even though I had been trying to get pregnant for years, when it happened again I felt very distressed and ambivalent - just didn't want to go through that all again, didn't know if I could stand it.

I have to say, those early weeks were dreadful - I didn't know time could pass so slowly! And then I started bleeding at 10 weeks, and carried on bleeding till I was nearly 20 weeks. But in the end the pregnancy was fine, and I had a beautiful daughter, and it completely healed the loss and misery of the first time.

A miscarriage can rob you of your belief in your body's ability to conceive and bear a child. It can drain all the joy out of pregnancy. A lot of women on here have been through it, and know that, and will be happy to offer you support (as they did to me).

I gather you haven't done a test yet? Who is giving you support at this time?

Hi thanks for the reply. Well I actually told my husband for the first time today that I m late but I haven't done a test. I m not sure he thinks it's real. I can't bring myself to speak to anyone. Thought I might see whata happens with the period this month but I think I am just being avoidant!

Oh Ruby, you sound so churned up. Can I ask what stage you lost the last pregnancy at? Do you think you might find it reassuring to have a pregnancy test and maybe an early scan?

I do feel like a mess still. I was only about 7- it was a missed miscarriage. I think I do need to do a test- am just worried in case it's negative.

Of course you are. I was desperate to get pregnant again immediately - as though I could somehow 'catch up' with the miscarriage, and undo it. Only you can know how best to manage your emotional state at this point - maybe give yourself a deadline, and decide that if you don't have your period by then, you will definitely test?

I found it very reassuring (though also terrifying) to have a scan at 6 weeks.

Ruby I've just read the thread and it really hit home with me, its not all that long since I could have written the same post. Just wanted to wish you well really, take care of yourself and let us know how you get on if you can. XX

Hi Ruby,

I've just discovered that I'm pregnant following an ectopic in Feb 2008. I am terrified! It took me ages to even consider trying to conceive again as I was (and probably still am) convinced the same would happen again.

I am constantly checking for any tiny symptom and can't sleep! Am probably going a little crazy, but have no option but to wait. Wish I had a magic wand just to make sure all ok!

Good luck with everything!

Thanks for the messages- one other question, did you find that you had any relationship difficulties with your partners? x

hi ruby once u know 4 certain you should join us on the 4weeks and bricking it thread were all in the same position and its really helpful talking 2 all the others there a great bunch all with a lot of experience and the same worries good luck xxx

Ruby Yes, it did cause a few problems as my DH knew I was struggling but didn't know how to help. I think that the important thing is to keep talking about how you feel. I felt a little ashamed that after TTC for so long that I wasn't over the moon at the thought I might be pg, but the worry just overshadowed it for me.

In the end I became more secure in the pg and we now have a DD!

Hi Ruby,

I just wanted to see how you were feeling, I read your thread and it hit home with me too, I totally understand where you're coming from.
I'm on my 4th pregnancy now and I'm 20 weeks today, this is the furthest I have managed to get as I've has 2 MC and had to terminate at 12 weeks when scan showed anencephaly.
I have been convinced from day one that something is going to go wrong, especially since I had some bleeding in week 13, I didn't dare move from the sofa that week, but it all turned out ok.
It is hard not to constantly worry, but it does get easier as the pregnancy progresses. I have my 20 week scan on Friday and I'm so nervous that something will be wrong, but that feeling isn't as strong as it was at the beginning of the pregnancy and I am looking forawrd to it.
The only advice I can pass on is to speak to your midwife if you have any worries, I've been lucky to have some very understanding ones at the end of a phone with reassurance, when I felt I was being a bit neurotic - they know it's totally understandable for mothers to worry even if they haven't had bad experiences with previous pregnancies.
I want to wish you the best of luck with everything and wanted you to know I'm thinking of you