Unexpected pregnancy at 39 with an eight year age gap

[Pepsimax6]

I need words of wisdom!

I have just found out I am pregnant. Was vehemently one and done, I have one 8 year old DD. Used the ‘ovulation tracking’ contraception for the first time and it’s obviously failed! I’m 39, will be almost 40 when baby born. I am feeling a bit all over the place and overwhelmed! Supportive DH who is so chilled he is almost horizontal (which helps as I’m not!) This was not in the plan!!!

Anyone been through this? Tell me all will be okay?! Huge age gap? parenting young kids into 40s?! In fairness my DD will be absolutely over the moon, she loves babies and younger children but wow this is going to be life changing for us all.

I think this is meant to be, congrats! Join the thousands of other Mum’s having babies in their 40’s! It won’t be such a shock as you’ve been there done that. And you’ll get to snuggle a scrumptious baby again❤️

We have an 8y gap by choice. They get on brilliantly. I was younger at 33 with second. Oldest is now 18, fully independent in the sense he has college, part time job and a driving licence. He’s always been an amazing big brother and 100% horizontal with laidbackness too

Even though our 2nd was planned, there def was a WTF have I done moment.

It will work out, whatever path you chose.

I have a 8 and half year gap between my older 4 and my last, i will have one leaving college and one starting nursery next year!- she was also unplanned.

Congratulations OP! It will be okay. I had a friend who never wanted DC. She got pregnant by accident and kept it and then went on to have a second DC. It's like in Jurassic Park - life will find a way

Firstly, congratulations - I feel from your post that you are happy (if surprised!) with this news, and I apologise if that’s not the case.

My mum had me at 38. I’m in my 50’s so that was in the 70’s and very unusual then. My siblings are 10/12 years older. I’ve since talked to her about the experience and she was obviously feeling a lot of the same things as you (albeit in a different era).

Pregnancy was straightforward and so was my childhood. I wasn’t especially close to my siblings as a child as the age gap was too big and they are the opposite sex so I was basically an annoying toddler. We are extremely close now. I wasn’t especially definitely not planned btw!!

My SIL had her youngest at 44/45, second marriage and same age gap to her first as yours would be. She has found it more tiring in many respects but also more rewarding (I think she was just a different, calmer person aware that this was definitely her last child and so she wanted to savour it). Both siblings are very close.

I don’t know if this is helpful in any way but it’s definitely doable. Good luck OP. X

My youngest was born when I was nearly 40 and it was fine. I was more tired during the pregnancy but I think I’m a better mum than I was in my 20s! Congratulations. An 8 year gap can be good.

38 here and due baby at Christmas with a 10 year age gap.
bricking it doing it all over again but excited too.
im worried I’ve forgotten everything but im sure it’ll all come back.
good luck 💜

I had my surprise at 43, 12 years between siblings. It’s lovely, they get on great and my oldest loves to babysit!

My DGD, aged 9, took me into her confidence. Much as she loves her younger sibling, she wished there was an 8 or 9 year gap and suspected mummy, the same age as you, wouldn’t have another. You’re her dream!

My kids are 8.5 years apart. My youngest is 3. I’m 41, DH is 43.

second pregnancy was much harder in terms of I just felt way too old LOL

but I did it and she’s here and I wouldn’t change it.

its a huuuuge change, just as you feel youve done that hard baby bit you’re back to square one 🤣

it will be an adjustment but you’ll be fine x

I think big age gaps are underrated. People say the kids won't play together, but that hasn't been my experience at all (5 year gap so admittedly smaller than yours), they just play together in a different way. They are still company for each other and can still scrap with each other like most siblings. The benefit we have is that my older one (now 9) finds the younger one's moods funny and so often we laugh together at her antics rather than them winding each other up, although she can annoy him sometimes. We didn't have any sibling jealousy whatsoever and the older one viewed the younger one as a good thing from day one since he got so many 'big brother' points from helping with the baby and felt very important. He is her absolute favourite person, hugs her after school and looks for her when he gets home and they are great company for each other.

He asked the other day if we could have another baby (definitely no 😂!) so the experience can't have been that traumatic for him. I was a little younger than you when DC2 arrived but loads of my friends are presently having first or second babies in their early 40s and it seems to be working out fine for them.

I found it much easier having an older child and a baby, rather than a toddler and a baby. I think that would have been too much for me!

38 year old with a 14 year old, nearly 19 year old and a baby, absolutely fine, baby fits in perfectly

Congrats. I am 39 expecting my 3rd very wanted. Will be 40 when born i think it will be a nice.birthday present.

I’ll be the dissenting voice in the crowd. I had my second at 38, my eldest was just under 8. It was fine when DD2 was a baby/toddler (although she was five months old when COVID happened so she had a very different first couple of years than my eldest did).
They are now 6 (nearly 7) and 14 and it is hard. They are very different personality-wise and it is also difficult to have family days out as DD1 is in her shopping era and DD2 still wants to go to soft play. So we very often end up in two pairs, one parent with one child, so they can do different things.
I love both my children, but I do wonder what it would have been like to just have one.

Hi, I could have written this myself! I'm 39 in November and just found out I'm roughly 5 weeks pregnant. My daughter is 8 also. I'm so worried about how she'll take to it (she has a different dad) and also worried about complications in pregnancy being 'geriatric' 😂

Thank you so much for all the replies! It’s lovely to hear all the positive experiences and also the realities of the big age gap!

Taking a bit of time to process the news… solidarity to all the new mums in their 40s! Xx

From the other perspective, there is 9 yrs between me and my sister (she was also a surprise!). We are best friends. Have always been very close, we’re now in 30s/20s and still best friends. I love the gap we have 🙂

I agree that big age gaps are underrated, there’s a lot of pros imo, congratulations! A midwife once said to me the surprise baby’s are always the best ones 😉😂

Let’s hope this surprise sleeps better than the first planned one 😅!!

I was 35 with my last baby and there is a 15 year age gap between her and my oldest, then my middle child was 10 and a 7 year age gap between her and who I thought was my last 😅, I was joking how when she leaves primary school it will all start again from the begining as my youngest will be starting when she leaves, it's perfectly fine though, my oldest is now nearly 18 so there's a big difference between them but she interacts with her well and loves her to bits.

I did this ! Had a 10 and 8 yr old when my surprise 3rd arrived. It was honestly great. The older ones really loved having a little one and there has been no.issues at all. They are all v close as adults especially the 2 girls and any gap.ceases to matter after a certain age .
So congratulations . Enjoy it !

I have a a 9 year old and an almost 11 year old and now a two year old.
The plan was always 3 but after a couple of loses and feeling it was never going to happen, it did I was 41.
The older two are girls and bicker and bitch at each other all day but they both absolutely adore and dote on their little bro.

Edit to add there is 8 years between me and my brother too and we are very close.

PS I was 36 at the time .

I was one and done, had my first at 34, then my DH had a wobble when we turned 40 and said he would like a second, so we tried thinking it wouldn't happen and it did, had DD2 at 41. So 7 year age gap, I'm a bit fitter than i was when i had my first, so found the pregnancy itself better, the 7 year gap is a struggle at times, different interests on days out now that they are 4 and 11, but if I could go back and change my mind I wouldn't. DD1 struggled when her sister was first born, we put in focussed time where she would get one of us to herself and that helped. It was strange going back into sleep deprivation, nappies and nursery costs and all the other stuff after a long time, slowly getting easier :)

Congratulations! 44 here with an 8 month old, and 8 year old and 11 year old. (I was 39 when we started trying following an unexpected early MC). The age gap actually works really nicely as the older two dote on their baby sister and can occasionally watch her for me whilst I’m doing some laundry or whatever. They’re currently all enjoying playing with the Duplo!