Single mum unexpectedly pregnant with fourth child and worried about starting again

[Sunnyparrot]

Please no judgement — I genuinely need some honest experiences from single mums who have been in a similar situation.
I’m unexpectedly pregnant with my 4th child and I’m struggling massively with whether to continue the pregnancy. My children are 12, 10 and 9, so I’ve reached the stage where they’re becoming independent and I’ve finally started getting some of my own independence back too.
If I continue, I’m making the decision on the assumption that I’ll be raising the baby as a single mum. I do have some family support, but ultimately it would be me doing the day-to-day parenting.
Part of me genuinely wants this pregnancy and another child, but I’m scared I’m focusing on the pregnancy/baby rather than the reality of starting completely over again — newborn nights, childcare, losing freedom, juggling a baby with three older children, finances, friendships/social life etc.
I’d especially love to hear from mums who already had older children and then had another baby while single. What was the reality compared with what you feared? How did your older children adjust? Did you find starting again harder or easier than expected? And looking back, what do you wish you’d known beforehand?
I’m not asking anyone to tell me what decision to make — I just really need honest lived experiences from both sides. ❤️

If you have this child you will hugely be reducing your already very stretched resources (energy, time, possibly finances) that are available for the kids you already have. Even things like giving the older ones lifts will be difficult if you have a toddler who needs to go to bed.

That’s sounds really hard and I just wanted to wish you well.

When Im stuck, I do a pros and cons list, write it out, so 4 columns , the pros and cons of EACH decision so it’s fairly obvious on paper then, when you look at it.

That always helps me.

But if you feel in your gut that you want to keep the baby that is a big one and no list is going to make that go away. Especially if it all money related, that’s not really reason, as any of our finances could change in a week.

All the very best x

Can you afford 4 children? Including all the additional childcare costs for the first few years before the new one starts school?

Will having a baby in the house mean your current children have to give anything up, like clubs, activities, going out with friends and needing a lift, a room to themselves etc? Anything really. Especially at a time when they will be doing exams?

I didn’t keep my third because it would take far too much away from the 2 kids I had, and would have been so irresponsible when I was single. It was irresponsible enough of me to get pregnant at that time, and would have been absolutely wrong for me to have another child whilst raising 2 kids alone already. You need to make the decision that is best for everyone in your family.

I am not exactly in the same situation, as I am not single, but I found myself unexpectedly pregnancy with my fourth after a contraception failure.
My DC are 12, 9 and 6 and I too was looking forward to regaining some independance and felt like I had left the baby stage behind us for good. I was not at all broody and felt like my hands were already full with 3 children, so I panicked when I found out and considered a termination.
In the end, however, I could not go through with the termination. I am pro-choice but I think it is harder for some women than others to go through with a termination and I believe it would have filled me with regret.
With hindsight, I am glad I kept the baby. I know the road ahead of us will be hard but I think my desire to terminate was driven by fear and panic, rather than a genuine wish not to keep the baby.
The baby stage is hard but it goes by in a flash, and with each child I have felt like my capacity to cope has increased.
My DC are delighted at the prospect of having a new baby and this has helped a lot to get over my fears.