Scared to be disappointed with 2nd boy

[nmhermione]

Hi everyone.

I just had my 12 week scan, and was extremely relieved to hear that baby is healthy and growing well. Of course that is my main concern.

I already have a son, and this will be our second and last child. My husband definitely doesn't want more than two.

I've always wanted a daughter. I felt some disappointment finding out we were having a boy the first time around, but also knew there'd be another chance at a girl.

Now that we're getting close to find out whether I will be a boy mum or if I'll have one of each, I'm terrified. I really, really want a girl. All the reasons seem trivial, but I can't stop thinking about them:

• I've had a beautiful girl name in mind for years and would be heartbroken not to use it. We've tried and tried but can't think of a boy name we like as much as our first son's name (which is Elliott).
• This will be the 8th and final grandchild, and the other 7 are all boys. So my entire family is rooting for a girl, and they don't do so quietly. So I feel like I'll have to deal with my own disappointment as much as with theirs as well.
• Then there are all the obvious reasons for wanting a girl: the cute dresses, doing their hair, doing girly things... My boy is absolutely wonderful, but only enjoys playing with tractors and climbing things and he's very loud and 'boy-ish' - which I love, but I can imagine two boys together being a bit rowdy. Of course, girls can be tomboys too, and a second boy could be a quiet artsy child who just wants to do colouring, but I'm just going by the most likely scenario.

I don't even know if it's going to be a boy yet, but I'm fully preparing myself for it to be a boy, so I hopefully won't feel that pang of disappointment when I do find out. I know that if it's a girl, I'll be absolutely overjoyed - so I'm trying not to expect it.

Again, I'm extremely grateful to have a second healthy child, and I know I will love him to bits if it's another boy. I'm just preparing myself for the feelings I will have (and my family) and I'm wondering if anyone is or has been in a similar situation.

Thanks for reading.

Don't find out! You are not going to be disappointed with the brand new baby in your arms!

I'm expecting my 2nd and already have a little boy. We decided to find out at the 20 week scan (the 1st was a surprise) and although I wouldn't have cared either way, we are having a little girl. Me and my husband were both shocked, as we only have 5 boys in the family and this will be the last grandchild. I'm also still convinced it will be a boy when it comes out!

I've two teenage boys and I love the perception that I must have had my hands full because the opposite is true, they have been a joy and are very straightforward and loving. Same sex siblings get along just as much as different sex, probably better tbh. They're home bodies who just like an easy life but when my eldest went through a football stage I was soooo proud of them, even though I'd been dreading the idea of standing on the edge of a pitch when I was pregnant etc. The reality was immense pride and good feelings.

I have 2 boys with just under 2 years between them. They are older teens now. Both very different people and great friends to each other now. I always thought I’d have a boy and a girl, but I wouldn’t give my second DS up for anything. They are a joy.

I mother their girlfriends instead:)

I think this is because 95% of posters are women and women are more likely to want a child that replicates them/they see themselves in.

Please try not to over think it. whatever you have I'm pretty sure you're going to love it regardless & any disappointment will be very short lived if you do have another boy. Babies bring so much joy & happiness & no two kids are the same so you may well have a proper little tomboy girl that's more rowdy than your Son ever was or a very calm, quiet little boy. As long as your baby is healthy enjoy them & don't think 'What if'.

I'm someone who has never had a preference of a baby's sex, I've just never had that want for a girl I know some women really get. That said, when I found out my second was another boy I was so surprised by feelings that emerged from somewhere inside me like "oh wow, I'll never have a daughter", "who will I give all my jewellery to", "no one will want my wedding dress" (I don't know why I thought this, I wouldn't want my mother's wedding dress!). I felt a real sense of loss for something I'd never had. I literally couldn't believe this stuff was coming up having never crossed my mind before. But it really did settle and my DS2 is the littlest love of my life, he is an absolute angel baby. Sending you positive vibes OP, don't be too hard on yourself.

Just to add, finding out he was a boy actually helped me bond with him more the later into pregnancy I got (didn't find out the sex with DS1) as I felt I could picture this little person. But do what's right for you.

My 2 teen boys are the same! I've never really wanted girls. ( I would have liked my mothers wedding dress but its a size 8-Im not and I'm about a foot taller than her!) My wedding dress went to the charity shop. My experience is different from many here- my relationship with my mum can be best described as 'complicated' and further complicated by her wanting the type of girl described in posts like this and me not being it. Most of my friends for some reason also have somewhat complicated relationships with their mothers.
I have loved becoming an expert in all things Marvel Cinematic Universe and have not missed out on My Little Pony films at all. They are great as teens. Chilled out, no issues, minimal drama ( apart from their reluctance to clean their rooms). great company and completely different from each other.

Update - just found out today it is indeed another boy.

Over the past few weeks, I followed some advice mentioned here and talked with my husband about all the advantages and joys of having two boys, and we also talked about boy names and very likely chose one. That really helped. Learning this morning that it was indeed another boy was much more a "of course it is, I've been talking about 2 boys non stop" moment rather than feeling too much disappointment.

I'm still sad I won't have a daughter, but I also feel like I've started coming to terms with that weeks ago, and I look forward to meeting my second son.

Though if I have to be perfectly honest, when I picture being told it's a girl instead, and how happy all of my family members would be to have the first girl in the family, and how I would be shocked (having prepared for a boy) but also absolutely delighted, my heart breaks a little.

So my feelings are still very mixed, but I'm trying to focus on the positive rather than the negative, and it's probably going to take some time. I definitely don't feel the crushing disappointment I thought I would. And once he's here, he's going to be so loved. I already love him to bits.

Congratulations on the upcoming arrival of your son ❤️

Congratulations OP!

Of course there's a difference but there's no point worrying about things that might not even happen the way you think they will.

My DS is very un-rowdy, on the other hand, he's a motor mouth 😂. We are very close which I'm grateful for 🥰.

Congratulations op! You will be fine! Yes it will still hurt every now and then but your little boy will be perfect and you will have a special bond!! Xx

congratulations.
I had huge preference for a girl with my first so i get how you felt though it sounds like you’ve handled everything so well.

some crummy comments on here as usual but this subject always attracts a snide crown. You can’t help how you feel though.

Why is it ok for a man to openly want a son while other men are rooting for them to get what they want but if a woman wants a daughter, shame on her for having a preference.
You only have to look at gender reveals and the man punches the air with delight while his friends pat him on the back if it’s a boy or have the ‘oh well’ look if it’s not but the woman has to smile and pretend she doesn’t mind what she has because only men can say things like that out loud.
I wanted a girl, my husband wanted a boy.

I did quite want a girl and got a second boy and I have never minded. I'd still like to try for a third but at this point would genuinely be tickled by having three boys. The brothers bond is so cute too (as is a brother-sister bond.) I have enjoyed seeing how similar but different they are. You will love it OP.

They aren't unwanted.

Don't twist this into something it's not. Lots of families have a run of one gender and would like a boy/girl next time. Having a preference doesn't mean that the baby would be rejected if it wasn't the 'right' one.

OP's title says she's scared to be disappointed, not that she's scared she wouldn't love or want him.

Counter this with my mother who openly told everyone that if I was a boy she'd leave me in the hospital. OP's nowhere near that crazy train.

I’m on my second pregnancy and have a little boy already, I am the opposite of you. I’m hoping for a second little boy. My family are hoping for a girl since we have recently had two little boys in the family (mine and my sisters), however I just want to give my son a brother and reuse all his clothes that he only got to wear once or twice 😂

I would have loved a girl if my first was a girl so they can be sisters. We only want two kids so I think it’s easier to have two of the same gender. I think I will be slightly disappointed if it’s girl just because my son will never have a brother and then my daughter will also never have a sister. I’m sure il feel better once i start buying little girly clothes though. At the end of the day, having 2 healthy babies is a huge blessing I will never ever take for granted, I will love if I have to boys but I also will never complain about having one of each which is somebody’s dream.

I don’t get it?

I hope this is me, my two will be 3 years apart too and since we already have a boy I want him to have a brother more than I want me to have a daughter. Girly trips can be fun but I have a sister for that ☺️