Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Scared to be disappointed with 2nd boy

220 replies

nmhermione · 18/12/2025 14:07

Hi everyone.

I just had my 12 week scan, and was extremely relieved to hear that baby is healthy and growing well. Of course that is my main concern.

I already have a son, and this will be our second and last child. My husband definitely doesn't want more than two.

I've always wanted a daughter. I felt some disappointment finding out we were having a boy the first time around, but also knew there'd be another chance at a girl.

Now that we're getting close to find out whether I will be a boy mum or if I'll have one of each, I'm terrified. I really, really want a girl. All the reasons seem trivial, but I can't stop thinking about them:

  • I've had a beautiful girl name in mind for years and would be heartbroken not to use it. We've tried and tried but can't think of a boy name we like as much as our first son's name (which is Elliott).
  • This will be the 8th and final grandchild, and the other 7 are all boys. So my entire family is rooting for a girl, and they don't do so quietly. So I feel like I'll have to deal with my own disappointment as much as with theirs as well.
  • Then there are all the obvious reasons for wanting a girl: the cute dresses, doing their hair, doing girly things... My boy is absolutely wonderful, but only enjoys playing with tractors and climbing things and he's very loud and 'boy-ish' - which I love, but I can imagine two boys together being a bit rowdy. Of course, girls can be tomboys too, and a second boy could be a quiet artsy child who just wants to do colouring, but I'm just going by the most likely scenario.

I don't even know if it's going to be a boy yet, but I'm fully preparing myself for it to be a boy, so I hopefully won't feel that pang of disappointment when I do find out. I know that if it's a girl, I'll be absolutely overjoyed - so I'm trying not to expect it.

Again, I'm extremely grateful to have a second healthy child, and I know I will love him to bits if it's another boy. I'm just preparing myself for the feelings I will have (and my family) and I'm wondering if anyone is or has been in a similar situation.

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Password1234 · 19/12/2025 10:52

FFS. People need to get over themselves. Enough of this but I want this...or if only he/she was... you say that you'll love the child regardless but I'd like to think so. You can't impose your wants on a separate human being. The baby comes from you but you don't own them. Nature doesn't give two shits what sex you want or why. That little person is whoever they were meant to be. As for family, protect you child and tell them where to go. Their viewpoints, and your hopes and dreams, don't trump your child's care or the right to exist free of rigid expectstions. A child doesn't owe any person anything especially not social expectations and tightly packaged "gender" roles with a blue or pink ribbon. Who cares if people "want" girls in your family - you don't have to feel pressure to deliver a specific sex. Fuck that. Self esteem can plummet during pregnancy at the best of times, this doesn't need to be another stick to beat yourself. You don't owe people anything. Maybe older fmaily members express their viewpoints but who cares...they had their chance with their own children (if they are parents). People need to stop projecting. It's getting way out of hand.

isargosaword · 19/12/2025 13:12

I agree that having a preference and some disappointment can be absolutely normal, and nothing to be ashamed of. I think a lot of people would secretly like ‘one of each’ and it’s normal to feel slightly disappointed at the prospect of not experience one gender or the other.

However, these are not normal- using words like ‘gutted, devastated, grief, mourning’ over the gender of a healthy wanted baby, extended family members having preferences or gender disappointment (seems to be quite common in mums of girls getting disappointed when their own daughter only has boys), women who already have a girl and are severely disappointed with not having another one. Have zero understanding for any of those.

Jojo890000 · 19/12/2025 15:19

nmhermione · 18/12/2025 14:07

Hi everyone.

I just had my 12 week scan, and was extremely relieved to hear that baby is healthy and growing well. Of course that is my main concern.

I already have a son, and this will be our second and last child. My husband definitely doesn't want more than two.

I've always wanted a daughter. I felt some disappointment finding out we were having a boy the first time around, but also knew there'd be another chance at a girl.

Now that we're getting close to find out whether I will be a boy mum or if I'll have one of each, I'm terrified. I really, really want a girl. All the reasons seem trivial, but I can't stop thinking about them:

  • I've had a beautiful girl name in mind for years and would be heartbroken not to use it. We've tried and tried but can't think of a boy name we like as much as our first son's name (which is Elliott).
  • This will be the 8th and final grandchild, and the other 7 are all boys. So my entire family is rooting for a girl, and they don't do so quietly. So I feel like I'll have to deal with my own disappointment as much as with theirs as well.
  • Then there are all the obvious reasons for wanting a girl: the cute dresses, doing their hair, doing girly things... My boy is absolutely wonderful, but only enjoys playing with tractors and climbing things and he's very loud and 'boy-ish' - which I love, but I can imagine two boys together being a bit rowdy. Of course, girls can be tomboys too, and a second boy could be a quiet artsy child who just wants to do colouring, but I'm just going by the most likely scenario.

I don't even know if it's going to be a boy yet, but I'm fully preparing myself for it to be a boy, so I hopefully won't feel that pang of disappointment when I do find out. I know that if it's a girl, I'll be absolutely overjoyed - so I'm trying not to expect it.

Again, I'm extremely grateful to have a second healthy child, and I know I will love him to bits if it's another boy. I'm just preparing myself for the feelings I will have (and my family) and I'm wondering if anyone is or has been in a similar situation.

Thanks for reading.

I have 5 kids. First 2 were boys then I had a girl then a boy then another girl. Miscarried my 6th child in April so never found out the gender but I felt it was a boy. I only have the youngest child with me (a girl) but I know what it's like to bring up 2 boys as I did for a while and when i found out my 2nd was a boy aswell at an expensive 4D scan appointment I was just a bit disappointed because I couldn't buy the gorgeous disney dresses but the disappointment soon dissolved because I was just grateful and glad they were healthy

Blarn · 19/12/2025 15:24

I cried when I left the room when I found out dd2 was a girl. I was so worried I wouldn't be able to love another girl as much as dd1. When she was born I did, instantly as well. You can't help how you feel.

SandyY2K · 19/12/2025 15:31

nmhermione · 18/12/2025 15:25

Thanks for all your replies, they really help.

Apologies for the upset I have caused with my third point about doing a girl's hair and buying cute dresses. I did also point out that not all children follow these stereotypes (my son's favourite song at the moment is Let It Go), and it's the third and least important point on the list. What weighs a lot more on my mind is my family's expectations and how we are failing to find even one boy name we both like whilst girl names are easy (besides the one I really want to use we have another list we'd also be very happy with).

I know it's not rational and I'll love them no matter what. I also know this is very trivial and potentially painful for anyone who has trouble trying to conceive. I was just looking for a way to share my feelings so I could help come to terms with any possible disappointment and then guilt about feeling that way.

My little boy is perfect in every way and I wouldn't swap him for a girl for all the money in the world. I'm sure I'll feel the same about a second boy, especially once he's born.

I might consider not finding out because of all the reasons you've shared. I'll discuss it with my husband tonight. The reason I wanted to find out is so I can deal with my feelings then, not on the day of their birth which should be all about them coming into the world, not whether they're a boy or a girl. But I'll think about it.

Thanks again for reading and sharing your experiences, it makes me feel like I'm less alone in feeling this way.

I get it.

I have 2 daughters and when I had the second scan I was gutted it was a girl. I felt bad for being upset, but knowing I have a great relationship with my sister...I started imagining all the fun times they'd have in the future.

They was 23+ years ago now.

You'll be fine regardless of gender and so will the rest of the family.

My friend is one of 8 girls...her mum didn't get the boy she wanted.. but the sisters are a tight knit set.

cupfinalchaos · 19/12/2025 15:46

I always wanted a girl, have one of each but my dd could not be more different to me and I relate to my ds much better. I totally get the pink girly stuff when they’re younger but that doesn’t last long.

Thefsm · 19/12/2025 15:55

I disagree with most people here telling you not to find out gender. We agreed our third would be a surprise as we had one of each, but my ideal would have been 3 girls and it was our last baby so I knew I’d be sad if it was a boy. I bought all the lovely girl clothes I saw and enjoyed all the shopping etc for both genders, then panicked last minute and asked to know gender a week before the birth. It was a boy. Weirdly it wasn’t a sadness and the week gave me time to come to terms with it and he was by far the best baby of the three.

and anyhow, you never know if what you start out with is what you’ll end up with! I had 1 girl 2 boys, now I have 3 boys!

Applewisp · 19/12/2025 18:19

I think your husband shouldn’t be allowed to limit your potential motherhood. Who does he think he is? Sounds controlling to me.

DemonsandMosquitoes · 19/12/2025 19:01

Password1234 · 19/12/2025 10:11

Shame on you.

Show quote history

Shame nothing. It may be unpleasant but it’s absolutely true.

Strawberrryfields · 19/12/2025 19:39

Applewisp · 19/12/2025 18:19

I think your husband shouldn’t be allowed to limit your potential motherhood. Who does he think he is? Sounds controlling to me.

But she can make him be a father as many times as she likes? It’s tough when couples don’t agree on this or one changes their mind but ultimately if you’re married and deciding to bring another child into the world it should be a joint decision.
Though not sure that OP even wants more children she just wants a girl which may or may not happen with 2,3,4,5+ kids!

Hallywally · 19/12/2025 20:16

Little girls aren’t dolls. I have one of each and personally find all the hair stuff faffy. I’ve always bought her comfortable clothes & shoes & really dislike this notion that little girls are princess dolls. They have their own personalities and should have the freedom to play as they wish and express themselves.

pisces5891 · 19/12/2025 22:25

im the fourth daughter in my family. my mother was desperate for a boy, and even though its not talked about, I intuited this from a young age, and it affected my relationship with her in subtle but painful ways. children feel these things; they know when they are a disappointment. its interesting to read this thread, I thought my mother was very unique in this way, but clearly its more common than I thought, and I find that quite sad. no two boys or girls are the same. look around at the men or women you know. think of how unique each person is. each version of your future is full of amazing possibilities, and none of it is dependent on what gender your child is.

Password1234 · 19/12/2025 23:24

DemonsandMosquitoes · 19/12/2025 19:01

Shame nothing. It may be unpleasant but it’s absolutely true.

Show quote history

Do you get satisfaction out of this? Honestly. Words fail me 😂

Password1234 · 19/12/2025 23:25

This is sick. Honestly sick. For goodness sake, sort yourselves out.

Password1234 · 19/12/2025 23:28

DemonsandMosquitoes · 19/12/2025 19:01

Shame nothing. It may be unpleasant but it’s absolutely true.

Show quote history

It's like you're the voice of authority. Perpetuating these "facts" and the relevance of this? Why not feed the patriarchy a little more there, eh. Girl children treated like shit but you can deny it and act like oh daddy will stay with us because look, I can make and birth a boy 😂 talk about reducing fathers of girls to nothing in one swoop. Disgusting.

Dontknowwhyidoit · 20/12/2025 09:41

I have 4 boys and felt disappointed when told at the 20 weeks scan after the first that it was another boy, but by the time I gave birth I was just happy to have a healthy baby who I loved and never felt anything but glad to have. Baby 5 was a girl and my whole family were overjoyed, as at last we would get to experience having a girl and I can tell you, it was very strange at first as I was so used to boys that I felt like I didn't know what I was doing 😂. They are all equally loved by the whole family and my daughter has 4 older brothers to look after her as she grows up. What ever the sex of the baby, you will love them and their gender won't matter one bit. Good luck

Netcurtainnelly · 20/12/2025 13:31

How sad. Think of all those ladies who can't get pregnant and would love a baby of either sex.

Do you want a girl even if shes born with something wrong with her, or do you just want a perfect healthy baby girl.
Girl not healthy/well
Boy/ perfectly well.
We dont get to choose these things you know. We dont all get what we want in life.

Think what your saying and give your head a wobble.

The main thing is you deliver your baby and your both ok.

IceyBisBack · 20/12/2025 13:35

Just don't find out!!! Is anyone really upset when the baby is here ??? Hormones take over

Netcurtainnelly · 20/12/2025 13:51

pisces5891 · 19/12/2025 22:25

im the fourth daughter in my family. my mother was desperate for a boy, and even though its not talked about, I intuited this from a young age, and it affected my relationship with her in subtle but painful ways. children feel these things; they know when they are a disappointment. its interesting to read this thread, I thought my mother was very unique in this way, but clearly its more common than I thought, and I find that quite sad. no two boys or girls are the same. look around at the men or women you know. think of how unique each person is. each version of your future is full of amazing possibilities, and none of it is dependent on what gender your child is.

Exactly and most people who want girls, think they are going to be all Pink and fluffy and want to go shopping with their mums, that's not the reality.

Netcurtainnelly · 20/12/2025 13:55

ShesTheAlbatross · 18/12/2025 14:25

There are all the obvious reasons for wanting a girl: the cute dresses, doing their hair, doing girly things

You’re having a baby, not a doll.

Are people that naive to think that they really think all girls like dressed and having their hair done.😂

AmberRose26 · 20/12/2025 15:54

@nmhermione if you really wana find out sooner you can get a blood gender test done from as early as 7 weeks , they just take a blood draw and you get the results emailed to you. We had it done at 10 weeks at ‘window of the womb’ basically if there is no Y chromosome in your blood they know it’s a girl.

pollymere · 20/12/2025 16:50

I never got the chance to carry a second baby full term. The first baby, born a girl, became a boy in mid teens.

You get what you get. Focus on it being healthy and happy.

IsThisTheWaytoSlamMyPillow · 20/12/2025 18:06

I just wanted to add that having 2 boys was - and still is - an absolute joy! They were sometimes rowdy and also sometimes arty-crafty, quiet, creative. Ok we had a lot more camouflage and dark blue clothing, and probably more mud but they were always the best of friends and really easy to understand. For me, if they were grumpy they’d either be hungry or tired and if they ever fell out with anyone it was all over and done with quickly, whereas friends with girls had real difficulty with their friendships.

Mine are adults now and are amazing. They both have partners that get on well with me (and vice versa!) but people STILL say “I bet you wish you’d had a daughter…” Nope, I’m very happy!

Wishing you well OP - boy or girl it’ll still be amazing and its own unique character.

DemonsandMosquitoes · 20/12/2025 23:20

Password1234 · 19/12/2025 23:28

It's like you're the voice of authority. Perpetuating these "facts" and the relevance of this? Why not feed the patriarchy a little more there, eh. Girl children treated like shit but you can deny it and act like oh daddy will stay with us because look, I can make and birth a boy 😂 talk about reducing fathers of girls to nothing in one swoop. Disgusting.

Show quote history

Daddy won’t necessarily stay with us. But he’s more likely to. That is fact. And yes, it is disgusting.

Seabreeze18 · 21/12/2025 06:03

From my point of view when I say I am disappointed for not having a girl, I am not upset or ungrateful for what I got (2 of the most amazing boys that are loved beyond words), honestly it’s nothing to do with them and all about the grief of never having a little girl. I am a very girly girl and wanted that companionship that I had with my mum.
For me it is a grief and although it has not gone away, like all grief I have learned to live with it and it has changed shape.

my youngest says he chose me to be his mum and I do believe everything happens for a reason!

whatever happens you will be ok and you will love your child!