Due November after loss

[CloudsInMyCoffee09]

Hi there,
I've started this thread so that mamas who have similar due dates following a previous loss or losses have somewhere to chat and feel supported.

I've been on a November due date thread but I feel there's a huge difference in the mindset of people who have experienced loss and those who haven't - which makes total sense!

We have different worries and milestones to make it past etc, so please join if you need somewhere to chat, rant, vent, or share your worries.

Pregnancy is an anxious time as it is without having previous trauma to contend with. Is it just me, or has all the joy been sucked out of the experience?

Sorry I haven’t replied in a while, newborn life is chaotic! Lovely to see so many baby updates, sending you all lots of love x

Congrats @LER2023 and all those who've recently had their babies!

our daughter arrived last Wednesday via planned C-section. Recovery has been hard on me but I'm getting there . My eldest daughter is now 11- I'd definitely forgotten the highs and lows of the early days of having a newborn!

hope everyone is doing great.

Congrats @LER2023!! it’s hard not getting the birth you imagined but sadly child birth is one of those unpredictable things we can’t really plan for. Enjoy your newborn bubble and soak up every minute of becoming a little family. Also huge congratulations on the engagement too. How special.

@Jennie1985 congratulations to you aswell. Enjoy the newborn stage. What’s made recovery so difficult? Only asking as I look to be having a section too.

Still plodding on here, almost full term (Saturday) and break up from work today for mat leave. Have a scan and consultant appointment today.. the reality is really hitting me that this is happening and I can’t stop crying 😂 I feel overwhelmed but very excited and happy.

Im on the night shift😅

My snoring has got considerably worse since having him😪 i woke up my DP and baby today... so ive said i'll take a few hours and baby with me so my DP can get some rest and then we'll switch around.

Im sorting out my poor baby, making sure hes comfortable in his crib and i feel something run down my leg (im wearing a nightie) its blood😐 my pad had decided to move and ive dripped blood on my floor😒 luckily its laminate... but jesus christ.

I cried over waking DP&baby, i cried because ive dripped blood on my floor, ive cried because i now cant sit on my fabric sofa without a use of my comfort blanket, ive cried because my baby had seen the midwife today for his first checks and he was sobbing his poor little heart out and i felt awful for putting him through that!😪

Gosh postpartum... WHY DOES NOBODY SPEAK OF THIS WHEN SOMEONE MENTIONS ABOUT TRYING FOR A BABY🤣

Im done with the bleeding, im done with the discharge and the smell.
Im done with crying over spilled milk essentially🤣🤣

Postpartum needs to bugger off, but still keep my newborn as a newborn🥰

How is everyone? Hopefully not too exhausted!

Hi @KT199 -
when is your due date?

for me the real hard thing is suddenly not being able to do anything - being completely dependent on my partner for lifting , housework, meal prep etc

it is the pain - but this is manageable with good and regular pain meds - I have been taking paracetamol, ibuprofen and dihydracodiene. Gradually weaning myself off the Codiene now. Also having to take lactulose as the Codiene has given me bad constipation.

also, just not being able to walk very well! It took me a week to get out the house for a very short walk .

anyway, I'm sure this isn't everyone's experience (iam not great with pain) but do bear in mind that the first week is very hard on the body, especially when caring for new born as well.

havjng said that, the actual c section was so controlled and well explained and that side of things went very well. My first daughter was born via forceps and it was horrible !

I hope in a few more weeks time I will be pain free and able to get out for regular walks again !

@LER2023 yes you are right, no one talks about it! It's bloody brutal.

are you breastfeeding ? This makes it so much harder !!! I basically have accepted that sleep at night is non existent and I have to catch up during the day . Will be introducing a bottle (formula) at some point so that hopefully will also get some sleep at night !!

sounds like you have a very supportive partner though, which is awesome. And congratulations on your engagement !

@LER2023 congratulations on your newborn, sorry it wasn't quite the birth you were after and this first week is being a bit tricky. That first week is a lot after pregnancy and birth and then sleep deprivation and hormones on top of that. The next few weeks is a bit of survival mode. I have found weeks 1 and 3 the hardest
You can double up pads on top of one another if you are bleeding a lot, with one of my miscarriage I wore some cycling shorts over my knickers to keep my pads in place. Depending on size and style a pair of boxers might work too.

There's a huge change in hormones around day 5 which can be destabilising do reach out with your midwife, GP or HV if it's gets more than that.

Congratulations @Jennie1985

My little one is now 10 weeks, feeding and growing well. My mood is still quite low but not getting worse so I will take that for now

@LER2023 huge congratulations! My friends all got a hormone crash around d day 3 as their milk started to come in (I actually didn’t get this as my milk never really eventualised) but they said they cried a lot over (now they look back at it) small things and then the next day it was gone. Obviously they were still shattered etc but the crying at a drop of a hat seemed to disappear.

sorry the birth didn’t go as you had hoped - definitely get support if you think it will help! My friends really struggled not being able to have a home birth (her daughter was born when paramedics were on strike in our area so an ambulance wasn’t able to be on call) but after talking it through, she realised that her birth was too quick to have inflated the pool, filled it up and got it to temp, and there was maconium in her fluid so even if she was at home - she would have been transferred. It still took her a while to come to terms with it, but talking through stuff really helped her!

I’m on the countdown to Weds - if bubs isn’t here before then, I have a growth scan and that will determine how they advise me. I’m still tempted to wait a few days “over” my due date - because they brought me forward by about 3 days - essentially saying we conceived on the day when I hadn’t even had a positive LH test yet. They say on average a lot of women go 40+5, so I’m hoping they’ll let me take at least 48hrs. Obviously - if the growth scan showed poor blood supply to bubs or anything like that then I’d not wait, but otherwise wise - I’m happy to try and let her come on her own!

Congratulations ladies! Glad to hear that 2 more babies have made it here safely. Hope you are both doing well!!

We're trying to establish breastfeeding but he is mainly fed formula and it is working for us no matter how upsetting it is for me lol

Midwife came yesterday 1 day PP wanted to check my stitches🙃
I didnt allow her near me! Lmao however she recommended a salt bath for them. So i think the salt may now just live in my bathroom with me🤣 that is the most soothing feeling ever! On a scale out of 1 - 10 this feeling is literally 100/10.
I had a shower yesterday, just had the water running over them and omg... the stinging... but that bath id have lived in it!!

Baby is very unsettled tonight. We're having to do sleeping shifts with him. One of us stay up and be on guard while the other sleeps for a couple of hours.
Hes just had the biggest cry ever and we're not too sure why! But a quick change of nappy and he's happy again and currently sat downstairs with his daddy.
Newborn trenches are hitting us both hard right now. Its only coming to day 3, he wont sleep upstairs with us at night, he prefers to be downstairs, he doesnt like any next to me cots, he just prefers to be either laid on his changing mat on the sofa with a blanket over it or on either one of us.
But he has been a little sicky tonight, so possibly reflux starting? Colic? Idk. But my heart hurts for my OH having to deal with a baby thats down in the dumps.

Any advice? Anything we can do? Anything we can try?
We're giving him an ounce of milk every 2 -2.5 hours, which is what a feeding specialist said.
Burping him inbetween and after finishing his feed, changing his nappy before every feed so he is comfortable with his little skin.
He hates getting undressed but unfortunately his nappies keep leaking😡
Although they fit him fine? Ive got a pack of size 0 nappies coming just incase they may be a bit big around his legs and back. Hes a very thin baby at the minute bless him.
We still havent given him a bath and we're waiting for his cord to fall off as it seems like it just keeps digging in to different places on his body, including his penis when he does his newborn scrunch.
Midwife we have around our area isnt the most helpful person. She just wants to get on with other things instead.
Might be worth me making a list of questions to ask her when she comes to weigh him tomorrow because we're not struggling but finding it a little difficult to navigate him at the minute and we're both pretty sleep deprived.
Ive slept possibly around 9/10 hours in 3 days🤣 he keeps telling me to go to bed but i feel like if i go to bed, he will need me and i wont be there for him. Although my DP has it all sorted and is ok with baby, i want to be able to support my DP and baby the same as DP supports me.

And if we cant get the hang of it now, i dont know what im going to possibly do when DP goes back to work... i dont fancy a mental breakdown🤣

I dont drive either and dont want to take baby on public transport when he hasnt had any of his injections just yet, so going to MIL, SIL and my mums house may not be an option and my mum has broken her ankle and cant get out of the house. SIL has 3 children and works and MIL doesnt drive😐

Any tips, tricks and advice is welcome for a struggling sleep deprived and v emotional first time momma😂

@LER2023 please sleep, I know how difficult it is to leave baby with your partner but you will have much more energy for baby once you have a good sleep.I cried my eyes out the first time I went for a nap because I felt like I was failing because I was just so sleep deprived 🙈 It could be colic or reflux but I wouldn’t worry just yet, it’s very normal for babies to be a bit sicky in their first few weeks.

@LER2023 please sleep if you can! 10 hours in 3 days is so little! If your DH is looking after the little one, take that time to sleep so that you have more energy for tomorrow and the day after and the day after that!

For the unsettled baby:

• I wouldn't worry about baby being sicky - almost all babies are to some extent! They also love to be held, so if that's what he needs to sleep for now go for it - it won't be for ever! (Baby currently snoozing on my lap before I try the crib transfer)
• I would always try feeding if baby is upset. Not all babies want to feed in one big chunk every few hours. From birth, my DD would have multiple feeds almost back to back while awake and would then sleep for a longer block. My son would also feed very frequently - and also didn't sleep well, but that's another story!
• if he is finishing the whole bottle, make a bit more next time so that you are sure he's definitely full, not just that the milk in the bottle ran out?

Also, you are so newly postpartum! This is the stage for me where hormones are all over the place and everything feels horribly heightened and emotional. That will pass in a few days, which really helps with how overwhelming everything feels just now!

I managed around 2 hours kip before waking up! Think im in a bit of a cycle where 3am is my witching hour and then im up🤣
My DP has just gone to bed! He was going to wake me around 6am if i was still asleep so i could get a good rest as ive been refusing to sleep in the day bar maybe an hour or 2.
I feel so much better for having even just 2/3 hours kip!
I think my milk has definitely come in, my boobs are ACHING! im going to pump and hope for the best!😁
Baby boy is fast asleep and i feel like my emotions and hormones have caught up with themselves a little bit🤣

We've booked him in to be registered next week!!! Where is the time going!!! Hes 3 days old now. Ive realised hes 3 days old and i havent cried over it. Thats a bonus🤣

I hope everyone is doing ok and those on the last stretch, it wont be long and you'll be out of pain and misery of the final weeks/days and be able to hold your tiny babies close to you🩷💙

Baby has just slept 4 hours at once and I feel so good for it. I’m usually up with her most of the night holding her while she sleeps so it’s been a lovely change that she was in her crib and we both got some sleep.
Ow bless you, it’s such an emotional time and with hormones all over the place it doesn’t help. I’ve cried so much since having baby and still find my self just watching her sleep and crying with happiness and relief.
Did you have a name picked out for baby already? We decided on baby’s name 2 days before registering her but we had been using the name for a week to see if we liked it. We still had a lot hole list of names 😂 My 6 year old hates her name and refuses to use it which is very amusing. He calls her mayo 🙈 xx

@LER2023 sorry you are having a hard time. Don't have time for full reply but my son has a scrawny bum and we had to drop down to size 0 nappies until he was about 8lb. Morrisons are the only supermarket that found that had own brand size 0. 79p instead of £2+ for pampers.

@LER2023 sorry it has been a rough start - those first few days with your first are completely wild! I could only sleep if my husband was with her as I knew she was “safe”!

I wasn’t able to breastfeed - I spent 6 weeks trying and beating myself up about it before I realised I was missing so much time with her between the feeding her on the boob, following with formula and pumping to try and get my supply up. Ultimately I realised that I could look at a class of 30 children in reception at school and wouldn’t have a scooby who was breastfed and was kinder to myself and just went with formula. We can guilt ourselves way to much as parents!

my first was also a crier for the first 8 weeks of her life, she cried from about 7pm-12pm, we would feed, change nappies, cuddle etc but she never truly settled. It got a little bit less each week (suddenly it would be 8pm-11pm etc etc) and it stopped completely when I took her to an osteopath that had a baby specialist. I will 100% go again (earlier this time) with this little lady if she seems to be tense in anyway. You could see my daughter visibly relax as the lady touched her ever so gently and she slept so well after her appointments too x

curr at 40+2 (their dates - I make myself 40 on Sunday from the tracking etc!) had a growth scan on Weds, but I have taken the estimates of size with a pinch of salt! The closer to the due daye/lower in the pelvis they are makes it less accurate. So although bubs suddenly shot up to 75th percentile for weight, and whilst her belly has been bigger than average each time, it was over 95th this occasion - my call with the consultant was that I was still happy to wait until the weekend and then start thinking about inductions! Of course I wouldn’t risk anything so I did do the test for blood sugars they recommended (not fasting - one that shows an average of the last 3 months) and it was 5.5 so they have ruled out gestational diabetes (again) and accept that I make little buddha babies 😂 Had I had raised blood sugars, they would have been less keen to let me go over their daye because the risks already there because I am 41 increase a bit more, plus a risk of shoulder dystocia - but luckily that is not the case! So fingers crossed this little lady makes an appearance this weekend of her own accord 🤞🏻🤞🏻

i hope everyone is well!

How are you doing @Bellabubble any sign of baby?
Hope all the new arrivals and their mamas are doing well. ❤️

@Pumpkinspice13 still going lol - apparently my children like to cook for a little longer 🙄 The consultant wasn’t too keen on letting me go over by too much, so I’m booked in for an induction on Thursday evening. Not keen on that - this little lady has until then to get the ball rolling! She seems happy though, still moving loads, get the hiccups each night! Just need her to get a wriggle on now x

I am super sleep deprived.
Baby boy has really bad constipation, hes been to the GP and the hospital and will be going back to the hospital when my OH wakes up.
He was due back at work today but its 345 and baby will not sleep.
He keeps spitting out his dummy and keeps crying when he does until the dummy is back in his mouth.

He isnt settling in any crib we have, he cant stay on the sofa all night and he definitely cant lay on my chest all night.

I honestly cannot wait to take him back to the hospital (funnily enough its where i work as well) and demand someone do something because this sleep situation is getting beyond a joke.

My OH is up in an hour.. me and baby still havent been to bed.

My brain stopped working about 10 days ago when the sleeping trouble started.
My house is a mess, i have no energy to do anything, people keep wanting to come to my house to meet baby and i just cannot handle that right now.

I think ive cried every single night at this point. Im so done with the new born stage.

@LER2023 I’m so sorry it’s been so tough the newborn stage is definitely brutal - added with the hormonal crash and sleep deprivation it’s amazing how we carry on healing whilst also keeping our babies alive!! I saw something the ither day that said by 2 weeks postpartum Mums are surviving on an average of 4hrs broke sleep a day, and that it is the threshold where Navy SEALS in “Hell week” start experiencing hallucinations - yet our bodies are still bleeding/healing/making milk etc! We are truly amazing creatures - as tough as it is right now, remind yourself of how amazing you are to be providing and caring for your bubs when it’s been as tricky as it has!

I hope the hospital has some answers for you - and I’m sure you have already tried lots of things (my daughter was formula fed and we found every brand BUT Kendamil made her constipated) but my friends who breast fed all found if they ate oranges, prunes or kiwi that it seemed to go right through their babies and cause some real poo explosions. We found bathing our daughter, and our osteopath visits seemed to bring on her poops - and my friend found the same with her boy and their chiropractor visits. Although I know the GPs and Dr’s and Nursers at the hospital all laughed at me for going to see an osteopath - they definitely acted like I was being a crunchy Mama, when in reality I went there because they all bluffed me off with a “wait and see” about a flat patch on the top of her head (not caused by being on her back, caused in utero because she stuck herself in my pelvis so early and then came 11days late!)

Good luck @Bellabubble!!! I hope all goes well. Hopefully it will be an easy induction as your body has already started to get ready for labour. Let us know how you get on.

@LER2023 sorry to hear you and baby are having a hard time. Could your husband sleep on the sofa and let you and baby share the bed? Also getting an evening nap will help you massively.
What have they said at hosp and docs? Have they recommended changing milks?
When I had my oldest who’s 16 now, the midwife told me to add 1teaspoon of apple juice to 30ml of water and it cleared my very constipated baby out with only drinking half. Advice has changed so much since then though and they say not to even give water now.

I really sympathise with you @LER2023 , it's bad enough anyway in the early weeks without other issues to deal with . I hope the hospital were able to help with your boys constipation??

sleep deprivation is actual torture!!!

@Bellabubble if baby hasn't made an appearance by tomorrow, I hope the induction goes well

Hospital have done naff all for him just said it will happen when it happens. But first time they gave him a suppository which sent him almost immediately the first time he was in A&E.

Ive slept for 4 hours in 48 hours.. sleep deprivation is serious torture.
That being said.. apparently my child wants to torture himself as well as he isnt sleeping much during the day either.

My MIL has said he can stay at hers next friday and i genuinly believe its far too soon for me to leave him overnight as much as im not sleeping while he is with me i dont think id cope without him next to me🥲

would your MIL come over a d be awake with him so you can sleep? First couple of weeks I found I slept best when my husband was awake and able to watch her. Ot was the only time I slept properly as I knew she was with someone and was safe!

You could see if you have any chiropractors or osteopaths bear you thst specialise in babies? I was completely sold, my daughter was always so mich. almer and more relaxed after her session