Due November after loss

[CloudsInMyCoffee09]

Hi there,
I've started this thread so that mamas who have similar due dates following a previous loss or losses have somewhere to chat and feel supported.

I've been on a November due date thread but I feel there's a huge difference in the mindset of people who have experienced loss and those who haven't - which makes total sense!

We have different worries and milestones to make it past etc, so please join if you need somewhere to chat, rant, vent, or share your worries.

Pregnancy is an anxious time as it is without having previous trauma to contend with. Is it just me, or has all the joy been sucked out of the experience?

I’m with you! I had a MMC last year (after a scan at 10 weeks where all was fine…) and now pregnant again, also due in November. When I was pregnant last year I was nervous and conscious of the risks, but also so so happy to be pregnant. This time I feel really flat and can’t connect with the pregnant at all - rationally I know I really want this, but I don’t feel any joy. I’m hoping it will get easier if I can get past 12 weeks - I’m now just past the date that my last baby died but still don’t feel hopeful.

Hi @MaudePie , thanks for joining. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

I had a MMC in November. We had a private scan at 7 weeks and all was fine but at the 12 week scan they said the heartbeat had stopped just after my private scan 💔

I got pregnant again one cycle later, but got to just under six weeks and started bleeding at home. Weirdly, I felt more positive about the second as I thought 'what are the odds of it happening twice in a row?'

We waited another cycle and are now pregnant again. I'm currently 7+1 and have my first scan on Sunday. I've been an anxious wreck this time round and same as you, I can't even contemplate the thought that I'll get a baby at the end of this. I think it's a self protection thing, like it'll hurt more if we accept it's real and get our hopes up if it all goes wrong again. So I totally hear you.

I'm lucky enough to have a 2 year old DS and he's my world but I want so badly to give him a sibling. Fingers crossed I make it far enough to start enjoying the pregnancy a bit... I don't think I'll relax at all until I can feel them moving, even scans i look forward to but dread and previous experience has shown be just because things are ok in that moment, it doesn't mean they will be the next day.

Sorry that sounds so depressing, I just don't think people who haven't been through this understand and I've not really had anywhere to just blurt it all out with 100% honesty!

So sorry for your losses. I think a MMC, particularly after a positive scan, makes this stage so hard - I know people use the mantra “today I am pregnant”, but I can’t believe that - the baby might have died and I wouldn’t know. Lots of symptoms and a lack of blood doesn’t give me any comfort that it’s ok!

The only thing that has given me a bit of comfort is regular scans - I’ve had a scan at 6, 8 and 10 weeks (and know I’m lucky to have been able to do that), but I agree with you, the relief only lasts for a short while and then I start worrying that the baby might have since died.

i also don’t want to talk about it “in real life”, as no one gets it. I can’t bear to tell anyone as they immediately say “congratulations” and I just don’t want to hear that (I’ve been really open about the loss and would tell everyone if I had another loss, but pregnancy feels harder).

I can’t even talk to my husband - he just says “think positive”, but that feels so pointless!

I don’t have anything constructive to say - just that I completely understand how you feel!

Oh bless you. I feel exactly the same.

I don't think there is anything constructive that can be said, I think that's the point. That's why I think it's important we lean on each other ❤it can feel really lonely when you can't / don't want to talk about it in real life.

My OH is the same, saying he has a good feeling about this one etc and I just can't let myself be positive, I feel like I need to be realistic. It'll still hurt just as much if it goes wrong again so it doesn't make much sense really.

I haven't had any early scans yet just because I was scared if it was too early to see anything it'd just cause me more anxiety till the next scan!

I hope you're ok, we can get through this. I have those mantras on posits on my mirror so I read them when I'm getting ready... I mean well but inside I'm thinking 'what BS' 😅

Thanks for making this thread - I’ve been lurking on the November thread but haven’t posted as I’ve done that before and had to leave, it feels safer doing it here where others might understand.

Im 7+5 after 3 misscarriages in a row, no children. The last one was in January after seeing a heartbeat and appropriate growth at both 6 and 8 weeks and then not at 10 weeks. The previous one was in September and the one before that in 2023. I know I’m lucky to get pregnant so quickly again but I just can’t feel too much at the moment because it just feels like it’s inevitable that the next week or so something will go wrong.

Ive been diagnosed with factor v Leiden, a blood clotting disorder, since my last miscarriage. I’ve been prescribed blood thinning injections privately as my NHS recurrent miscarriage appointment was due to be in May and they won’t see me now. The EPU said they won’t prescribe blood thinners for factor V as they don’t believe it’s a factor for miscarriages and basically shrugged their shoulders and said it was bad luck… so now I’m paying through the nose for private consultations and prescriptions and hoping it can actually help. I’m trying to have some positivity but sometimes it feels a bit helpless.

Sorry for the gloomy post, I’m feeling ok about it all currently but it’s so nice to be able to get it out. We’ve not told anyone this time round as I’m so fed up of telling people and then having to send the dreaded bad scan message. 2 of my close friends are pregnant with their second babies too (they got pregnant with their first a month or two after my initial miscarriage) and so I don’t want to make it awkward for them if something goes wrong and we’ve already told them.

Sorry for the long post! This turned into a bit of a therapy session for me!

Anyway, I’m so sorry you’ve both been through this too but so happy to meet people who will understand how this all feels. Here’s to us having uneventful pregnancies!

Oh and just to add I had a scan at 6+1, everything measured correctly but the heartbeat was 94 which I thought was a little low but the Dr said was fine. I have my 8 week scan on Monday and if that goes well I will have another at 10 weeks - all at the EPU which is good of them.

Hi @Lalalala77, welcome to the thread... but sorry you're unlucky enough to need to be here 😞

It's mad how dismissive the nhs seems to be about this stuff. I've rang the epu a few times already, worried about various things and it's just luck of the draw whether I get someone empathetic or treated like I'm wasting their time till I've had three MCs.

I hope the medication helps, even just mentally. I've managed to get progesterone this time round and even though I'm still assuming something bad will happen, I at least feel like I'm doing something different that could make a difference.

We haven't told anyone either. We've had a mixed bag of reactions in the past so we want to keep it to ourselves in our own little bubble for as long as possible.

The stress and worry is so exhausting isn't it.

Have you two had many symptoms? I see people celebrating that they're being sick because it's a good sign in the other threads, and I want to say I was throwing up for weeks after my MMC so it means nothing... but then I'd look like a right mood Hoover 😂

Not really any symptoms here, or so mild I think I’m making them up half the time. Boobs are sore when I press them, I wee a lot at night and I sometimes but very rarely gag if I go to the toilet after someone however I feel like I’m making myself do that just so I have a symptom!
I swear I’m gaslighting myself 😂

Thats very rough that you were throwing up for weeks after, you would hope that at least that would go sharpish even as a small consolation!

Hey! Completely the same.
9+3, bleeding throughout, biggest bleed last week so next scan is weds.
two ectopics, and a MMC at 6-8weeks after seeing heartbeat. Just gone through a cycle of IVF and first embryo stuck which I’m so grateful for.

All the excitement in the general
due dates makes me feel really angry. Which I know is totally unreasonable but the utter panic and stress I feel before a scan is absolutely horrific. It’s like everyone is oblivious to the fact that a pregnancy doesn’t always = a baby.
I got asked the other day where I was giving birth / dentist said they would wait until after delivery for my xray and I honestly nearly fell out the chair. I can’t see past my next scan never mind picking hospitals for birth!?

anyway; you’re certainly not alone xx

I'm a little it ahead of you, due at the end sept.
I had two miscarriages in August and December both at 10 weeks although I know the second pregnancy didn't get passed 6 weeks gestation and I lost the pregnancy around 8 weeks.
I conceived before getting my period back so was over 7 weeks when I found out I was pregnant which definitely helped with the early nerves. I approached the epu and they measured my HCG and did a scan the next day and found I was 8 weeks already! They started me on progesterone then. I will be 16 weeks this weekend and had my 16 week appointment this week and heard the heartbeat !
Wishing you all the best of luck as you navigate the first trimester after loss. There's also a pregnancy after loss thread with women at various stages of pregnancy that I have found supportive.

My symptoms with this pregnancy have been very different with pregnancy compared to my daughter and my miscarriages as I had hyperemesis in all of them but had much less sickness this time and barely any fatigue too!

@CloudsInMyCoffee09 - yes, I’ve had lots of symptoms. No actual vomiting but really bad all-day nausea, plus I’m exhausted (struggling to keep my eyes open from around 3pm), starving all the time (eating is the only thing that stops the nausea), sore boobs, round ligament pain, horrible taste in my mouth… however, I had all of those with my MMC after the baby died, so again I don’t believe any more that symptoms are a good sign!

I also agree that it’s surprising how dismissive the NHS are - they are sympathetic, but basically say “oh, don’t worry, it will all be fine” - which of course isn’t necessarily true!

Welcome to the group lovely. Bless you, I'm so sorry you've been going through all that. Have they said anything about the bleeding at all?

i totally hear you re the due date groups. It all feels so naive but you don't want to be the one the give a grim reality check. Tbf it's how I was in my first pregnancy, you don't really have any concept of anything going wrong until it does.

I've got my first scan in the morning at 7+3. I've been counting the days for weeks and now it's nearly here I'm absolutely petrified. I don't know how I'll not have a panic attack or something waiting to go in and in my mind I'm trying to prepare myself for hearing those awful words all over again xx

@CloudsInMyCoffee09 - I’ll keep me fingers crossed for your scan. I don’t think there’s a way to get rid of the anxiety. I always tell myself that whatever has happened has already happened and I’d rather know as soon as possible. But it’s always an anxious time x

@CloudsInMyCoffee09 also keeping my fingers crossed for you! I’m already getting anxious for my 8 week scan on Monday so I get the feeling! This time seems to drag doesn’t it.

@Superscientist i think you might have been in one of the previous due date groups I was in - we have a similar timeline of August and then Dec/Jan misscarriages and I recognise your username. So so happy to see how well you’re doing and the fact your symptoms aren’t as bad this time also gives me some hope as mine are almost non existent.

@Xwx1010 again crossing my fingers for your scan - hopefully the bleeds are nothing major and everything goes well on Wed. I hear you about not believing there will end up being a baby. My pregnant friend was talking about how she couldn’t go on a work trip that was months away because of her (at the time early) pregnancy and it blew my mind that other people don’t live by the “let’s wait and see if I can do it or not” depending on whether things go tits up or not in between. I would love to be able to have that blind faith that I would get a baby at the end of pregnancy and I would never want to take that away from anyone but it’s just mind boggling to me.

I love the rawness of this post, it really made me feel not so alone in how I’ve been feeling. I’m sorry to hear all your stories, I hope this time everyone has the happy outcome they deserve!
My first loss was January, 23, I went to my gender scan and there was no heartbeat, my baby had died around week earlier at 14 weeks.
Sept, 23 I had my second loss, again I found out at a gender scan, I was told the chances of the same thing happening again were very slim but again baby had died, this time at 13+4 from measurements on scan.
I’m now 9+4 after telling myself I could never do it again and I spend everyday terrified of this pregnancy. Only thing I’m certain of is I’m not going for a gender scan!
No cause found for either loss.

I’m under tommies care who are scanning me every few weeks, have given me progesterone and aspirin as a precaution. I’m taking 5mg folic acid, vitamin D and iron and I feel helpless there is nothing else I can do to increase my chances of a successful pregnancy.

I hope all is well at your scans ladies!!

9 weeks today, woohoo! Furthest ive gotten in all my 4 pregnancies. In 18 months ive gone through 3 miscarriages, january 23, august 23 and april 24. So im shitting myself.

Luckily ive been put on cyclogest, which im utterly pleased about.
I had a scan when i thought i was 7 weeks on the dot. Turned out i was 7 week 3 days😅 WITH MY FIRST HEARTBEAT! so now i know how far along i am. I still love saying that.. my baby had a heartbeat💙🩷

8 week i lost my nausea but gained headaches. I dont know which id rather have.

Ive been sleeping a hell of a lot, and im starving, my nipples are getting darker and my boobs are getting heavier.

Praying for a pregnancy to stick as im scared to death every time i go to the toilet.. and now im scared for the next scan😅

Due November 16th💙🩷

@CloudsInMyCoffee09 best of luck for your scan today, let us know how you get on if you can. I find a spot on the ceiling to focus on usually and try to count backwards and slow my breathing xx

ivf clinic couldn’t find a cause for the bleeding, they said I had a very small old bleed near the lining but nothing active and no SCH they could see. Somethings going on though, maybe they’ve missed a bleed or its cervical ectropion, fibroid even. Who knows but it’s not really stopping, I seem to have spotting or a small bleed about once a week/10 days.
Already starting to feel really anxious for Wednesday. I’m discharged from my ivf clinic now so my scan is in another hospitals epu which is also adding to it as felt really safe in my clinic!

Hiya girls,

Hope it's okay to join 🥰 finding it really hard after previous miscarriages including a MMC.

Have 0 enjoyment in this pregnancy. Absolutely dread scans. This time around I've had scans at 6, 8 and 10 weeks. Just waiting for my 12 week scan on 22nd.

X

@CJHR18 welcome! Sorry you’re having a tough time of it but amazing news that you’ve had great scans so far! It’s really unfair that previous loss means the enjoyment has been taken away from everyone but hopefully the further you progress the easier it might get 🤞

@Xwx1010 it all sounds like good news so far but I can imagine the bleeds are causing you a world of anxiety. I’ve seen so many posts where people have bled regularly through early pregnancy and have been absolutely fine so I’m hoping you’re in that bracket, doesn’t help the anxiety though - particularly with previous loss! Hopefully your scan on Wednesday can give you some reassurance.

@LER2023 your post really made me smile. I’m so happy for you that you’ve made it to 9 weeks and have seen your first ever heartbeat! All great news 😊. I think we are all shitting ourselves at this stage so at least you’re in good company 😅

I have my 8 week scan this morning and am trying to not worry but it’s so difficult not to. I’ve been here before where it’s been ok (with the following scan being bad) and where it’s not been. Main concern is the heartbeat was on the low end 2 weeks ago so my mind is going all over the place. I keep telling myself “this time tomorrow (or insert various time frames) at least this will be over and you will know for sure” which helps a bit. It’s the not knowing that’s the worst. We’ve been here before, we will deal with it whichever way it goes.

@Lalalala77 thank you and I really hope today goes ok for you. Do let us know if you can. Everything crossed for you.

@CJHR18 welcome and completely agree I could count on 1 hand the enjoyable/happy days I’ve had! It’s such a difficult time.

I’ve spent so much time in ‘early pregnancy’ that I’ve effectively been pregnant long enough to be full term if I add them all up - and to have to keep redoing the first trimester is pretty awful.

@CloudsInMyCoffee09 thinking of you and hope scan was ok yesterday x

@Xwx1010 thank you 😊. I always think this too! Spent more than the 9 months it usually takes to have a baby now just in the first trimester, honestly such a slog both mentally and physically. Hopefully all worth it in the end but blimey…

@Lalalala77 I recognise your name from previous threads too. Good luck with your scan today.

I had some nausea when I first found out I was pregnant and was started on antiemetics as a precaution given my history which took me to no nausea and vomiting at all. Usually the meds just eased it enough to eat and drink a little. I did get a little nausea and vomiting if I forgot it but broadly I haven't felt pregnant at all. I'm 16 weeks now and have been off the antiemetics for 5 weeks with the odd hour of nausea but have a noticeable bump and feeling the odd flutters. I'm just starting with a bit of heartburn.
I had my 16 weeks appointment last week and the relief to get there was huge. It was nice to see her for something other than a booking appointment having done 3 in 9 months!!

Wishing you all safe passage through the first trimester. When I got that positive test in Feb I really didn't think I'd make it to the first scan. The hardest week for me was week 10 as that was the week I passed both pregnancies I lost. I was made redundant the day I found out I was expecting and I think the gentler pace of life has helped me cope with the pregnancy.

Hi everyone, and welcome to the new joiners - I hope you're all doing well ❤

Sorry I haven't been so active on here the last few days, my brain has been mush in the run up to my scan and I just went into survival mode.

Finally some good news though! All was fine, we saw the heart beat, and I thought I was 7+3 based on LMP but baby was measuring 8+2! 💓So good news for baby and for my mental health having skipped forward a week haha.

Just want to say everything you're all feeling before scans is completely normal too. I counted down the days whilst also dreading it. I sat outside waiting and managed to hold it together but burst out crying the second I walked into the scan room... then again when we were told all was fine. I think my first reaction was 'what?!!?' because I'd prepared myself for bad news as a form of self defence.

Naturally, I felt so much better yesterday but having had a MMC following a good looking scan previously, I'm still going to be a nervous wreck.

I've got a private scan booked in a week and a half right before my booking in appointment because I can't bear the thought of sitting there talking about it all but not knowing if everything is still ok.

You're all doing amazing, it takes a real warrior to keep going through all this despite the anxiety, pain, and generally feeling rubbish. And it takes really amazing mums in the making to fight for the family you want and the love you already have for your babas - they're going to be very lucky kiddos 💕

@CloudsInMyCoffee09 I’m SO pleased for you! And breathe!!! Skipping a week is a great bonus too, wishing you well for the next one! X

Thanks lovely! It's hard not to let the excitement creep in a tiny bit now but I'm trying to suppress it at the moment!

How are you doing? xx