This is so bleak it's making me laugh, so sorry!
My bumhole is sore - worse when going to the loo, even for a wee. It kind of stings. Apparently it looks slightly redder in the sore area, with little dots (not sure what colour). I have no itchiness, and no thrush anywhere else. Does anyone know what this might be?? Not sure if thrush or piles or fissure or something else? Don't want to treat for one thing if it's something else 
