Call from hospital - feeling angry

[AKP79]

I'm 8 weeks and have just had a call from the hospital out of the blue to invite me to a diet and nutrition workshop because my BMI is over 30 and she also talked about gestational diabetes. I'm not sure if she was saying I have it or if she was saying I was at risk of developing it.

I'm at work with colleagues around who obviously don't know I'm pregnant and I was told by my midwife at booking in that my BMI was under 30 so I didn't need to worry.

The lady on the phone then proceeded to tell me I'm high risk and went on about my baby having potential developmental issues impacting on eyes and teeth etc. I've had 2 MMC in the last 2 years so hearing all this was quite tough especially when I hadn't been forewarned about the call and had already been told I didn't have to worry.

I couldn't say anything on the phone because I was at work so I've said I'll call back tomorrow. Am I being unreasonable for reacting like this?

A bit unreasonable, yes. But that's not to say it's not upsetting. It's for your and the baby's benefit so be grateful they're looking After you. They don't know if/when people are at work, you could have said it wasn't a convenient time and called later.

However, understandable that it's been a shock and maybe it handled as you'd have preferred.

I would ring back and ask for clarification. Your mw said your bmi was under 30, this other person thinks its more than 30. Thats annoying and confusing at best but I can absolutely see why it upset you.

I don’t understand, is your bmi over 30 or not? If it’s not then you could have just told lad on phone there had obviously been a mistake. If it is then it’s surely just triggering some extra appointments that will be necessary in order to manage your pregnancy. I really, really don’t see the issue.

My BMI is under 30, but as I was in an office full of people I wasn't exactly going to sit there and discuss my BMI. Also having had 2 pretty horrific miscarriages I was already worried about my BMI and had discussed it at length with the midwife to seek reassurance, I was aware my BMI was high and carries risks. She was also aware of my mental health surrounding this pregnancy and all the associated anxieties I have.

No, she didn't know I was at work, but she also launched straight into the conversation without drawing breath announcing my BMI was over 30, talking about GD and the risks to my baby.

If your BMI was on the high side and you’ve told the midwife you’re worried is it possible that she’s asked them to call you and discuss nutrition to help you maintain a healthy weight through your pregnancy?

Did you tell the midwife you were in an office of people and arrange a time to discuss it privately? If your bmi is below 30 then it's not on the high side?

She literally wouldn't let me talk, I tried to interrupt her a couple of times but she talked over me. So I just let her talk at me and then told her it wasn't a convenient time to speak and could I call her back.

Pregnancy after miscarriage is a volatile place at the best of times. I really feel she went OTT with the scaremongering and information in what could have been a quick - hi you've been referred to us, can we talk. I'm not sure it was necessary to labour on about how high risk I am of miscarriage and deformities in my baby. I understand the risk and for people to be informed, but was it really necessary at that point in time.

She should have definitely been more tactful. Some midwives are plain awful, so are some doctors, consultants etc. I was only talking the other day to a friend about this and we had our tales of utterly thoughtless comments made by medical professionals. You have every right to vent. All I can suggest is filter the information from the added unnecessary scaremongering and focus on that, do you want help with diet? What benefits from the class you may get. Also be prepared for more of this, my 3rd pregnancy and it doesn't get easier - they love launching into risks but equally I am dealing with consultants playing down issues even though I'm high risk!

She doesn't sound likes she was diplomatic at all. However can I point out that we are told we have to spell out specific risks inc miscarriage. Otherwise you run the risk of a woman having a stillbirth and saying if someone had told her the risk she would have made more effort to lose weight. Obviously you need to clarify your bmi.

I've just made an excuse to get out of the office and called her back. Before I said much she said she had been thinking about the call, she was very apologetic and admitted that she should have asked if it was convenient, and she should have checked my history first. I just burst into tears because I was so filled with anxiety.

There has been confusion with my BMI in that the midwife miscalculated it. At my booking in appointment the midwife should have calculated it correctly and then discussed this service with me so that this lady's job would have been to just book me into the workshop. My BMI is exactly 30.

I do think long term that this service is a positive thing and one that I will embrace.

People are human and she got her call wrong. I'm pregnant, hormonal and full of anxiety. It wasn't a good combo, but will try to put it behind me and move on.