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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pregnant bellies being public property: a huff

38 replies

Teeste · 08/01/2015 13:43

I'm 17 weeks and overweight, so I probably look a lot more pregnant than I am. Nevertheless, we went to my dad's for Xmas and EVERY SINGLE PERSON greeted me by stroking or patting my belly. A friend and her aunt dropped by yesterday and did exactly the same! I have seen said aunt once since I was about 12.

I know, it's one of those things and inevitable etc., but seriously?! I hadn't expected it to start this early. And my belly is an area I'm a bit sensitive about anyway. But saying something feels all Scrooge-like, IYSWIM.

I may start patting their bellies back. Huff huff huff!

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mswibble · 08/01/2015 13:47

I must give off serious "get to fuck" vibes but I'm 25wks and no-one has touched my bump!
I can understand why it would seriously piss you off though, I would probably react very badly to someone grabbing at me.

blackwidow74 · 08/01/2015 13:57

The next person who does it to me I'm going to grasp a boob in each hand and ask how they hanging ... that should do it!!!! Hate my personal space being taken over let alone touched ... esp by strangers in supermarkets and places!!

Original poster

Teeste · 08/01/2015 13:57

Maybe I need to develop those fuck-off vibes! It's just, you do all the 'Hi! How are you? Come on in!' thing and then their eyes just swivel downwards, they start making the 'oooo' noises, the hand starts coming towards me and I just want to sidestep or slap them away! But then I feel like I'd be spoiling their fun, if that makes sense? I should be bloody grateful I'm pregnant at all (and I am!), but it doesn't make my body parts available to all and sundry.

Huff!

OP posts:

Original poster

Teeste · 08/01/2015 14:00

Blackwidow Strangers do it?! Blimey!

I'd never dream of touching a woman I didn't know really well in a 'sensitive' area, let alone a pregnant one who could haul off and give me a black eye due to hormones. I don't understand the whole thing.

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TouchPauseEngage · 08/01/2015 14:10

I'm only 15 weeks but I can't stand anyone (other than DH) doing it, even close family. My dad tried to put his head on my belly at christmas and I almost karate chopped his head without thinking. I hate it.
I have just said 'please don't' to anyone who has tried and they have respected that. I think once people think it through they realise it's quite rude but they do it automatically.

Am dreading getting big enough that strangers notice

You have every right to say politely but firmly 'don't do that'

Number3cometome · 08/01/2015 14:57

Anyone touching me? NO NO NO NO NO!!

-WILL KILL

LizzieMint · 08/01/2015 15:00

Throughout three pregnancies, I only had one person touch my bump (in the third pregnancy) and I was a bit sad because you hear so much about bump-patting. It made me think I must look/appear really unapproachable! I'm really not.

PerpetualStudent · 08/01/2015 15:03

I am (at 19 weeks) dreading the idea of anyone doing this. I don't think you're out of line to tell them firmly to back off - as you say it's really invasive. Who cares if it spoils their fun?! If they want to stroke a big preggo belly they should grow/instigate one themselves!

I don't understand why anyone still does this - surely it's the typical 'unreasonable' thing to do to pregnant ladies? Has the memo not got round?!!

Original poster

Teeste · 08/01/2015 15:21

DH suggested we get a t-shirt printed with 'NO!' at belly-button height.

Love the suggestion they should grow a big preggo belly themselves

I can kind of understand it - they want to greet the baby too and they don't really think. It's done with love and they're my family and friends (mostly). But STILL! I am not public property because I'm gestating.

And any strangers touching me will be firmly kicked in the shins.

OP posts:

Bearlet · 08/01/2015 15:41

I'm nearly 30 weeks and it's only happened to me once (someone I'd just met at a party). My mother-in-law asked if she could touch the bump - I appreciated her asking first (much better than just going ahead and doing it), but it's not as if I could have said 'no' without causing offence. My dad said "Next time you feel her kicking, can I have a feel?", which I was much happier with, as I could choose the time (and also because he's my dad).

I've also got much more comfortable with my bump (and my pregnancy in general) since about week 25. Before that, I didn't really want people to notice that I was pregnant or talk about it, let alone touch my belly. Now I've accepted that there's no hiding it, so I'm less sensitive about bump-related comments. (Except my mother-in-law saying "I had better stop eating or I'll soon look like Bearlet." That still seemed pretty rude. Especially as I'm fairly sure I weigh less than her even in my current state.)

NancyRaygun · 08/01/2015 16:16

I don't mind people touching my bump at all - currently pregnant with my third.
I can't understand the ire some people feel about it! I actually think being downright rude to anyone who is just trying to connect and congratulate you is pretty graceless.

However, having had this argument on MN before I think I am very much in the minority here!

DinoSnores · 08/01/2015 16:22

This, in 4 pregnancies, has never happened to me!

Seasidedolly · 08/01/2015 16:24

There's no woman at work who I physically turn my body away from now when I see her coming, she's like Mrs bloody Tickle. Although now I'm 27 weeks my bump is a lot harder and generally looks more pregnant (just looked like a pot belly before!) I don't mind quite so much now, but still.
Anyone else notice how it's mostly women that do it? Not sure men have the nerve, though my DBIL is desperate to feel baby kick which is quite cute :)

Number3cometome · 08/01/2015 16:29

NancyRaygun

You should always respect someone's personal space.

The second someone comes and physically touches you they are not respecting that and do not deserve respect back.

Sorry, I may be carrying a baby, but I am still a human being and would not go round touching someone who is not pregnant. I expect the same respect back.

Original poster

Teeste · 08/01/2015 16:32

Bearlet at your MIL! How very rude! And yes - asking would be much more civilised.

Nancy I see where you're coming from, but they wouldn't touch you in 'sensitive' (i.e. anywhere but arms and shoulder type) areas at any other time without permission, so why now? They're not touching the actual baby, it's still your belly. They could just wave (or ask) or something.

Dino Maybe the memo got round everyone up your way?!

Seaside Hmm, all my brothers had a pat! Not enough data on this one yet :)

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Gudgyx · 08/01/2015 16:33

I agree with Nancy, dont mind it in the slightest! I actually had two technicians at work today come up and just randomly poke me in the belly to see what it felt like! The joys of working in a company full of men ha

Grinningcat · 08/01/2015 16:37

I must be giving off some great "fuck off" vibes. At 33 weeks I've had precisely 4 people do this to me, none of whom I've minded doing it - DH (obviously), my Dad (once and only this week), my DSis (once), and my best mates 4 year old daughter (once). No-one else has come anywhere near me and I am quite proud of how pregnant I look now. At least I haven't had to have a go at anyone.

Number3cometome · 08/01/2015 16:37

it's a bit like when people ask if they can have a poke at my breast implants.

No you fucking can't!!

I don't mind family and friends touching my bump, just not randoms!

NancyRaygun · 08/01/2015 17:23

The second someone comes and physically touches you they are not respecting that and do not deserve respect back.

to me, that is a massive over reaction. We are all just human beings and touch is a huge part of non verbal communication. I don't mean randoms can just thrust a hand down your pants but patting a bump? Meh, I just can't get worked up about it.

Ha! at poke at the breast implants! That's hilarious, please tell me no one has ever actually asked/done that!!???

coastergirl · 08/01/2015 19:58

I absolutely hate it. I hate being touched anyway by anyone who is not my husband or cats, so being touched on my belly is a huge no-no. I really think that people need to respect the fact that some people just are not comfortable with others entering their personal space.

Seaside I was saying exactly this today. I have noticed that men NEVER comment on my size/shape or attempt to touch my belly, other than my husband. It's very refreshing and I really appreciate it!

Number3cometome · 08/01/2015 20:07

Nancy, yep!! I'm like no, never no!!

Foggymist · 08/01/2015 20:36

My mil is determined to rub my stomach, note it's my stomach, not a bump. At 24-25 weeks I still look pretty much the same, yet she insists on bloody trying to rub my stomach and it's driving me insane, and she's been doing it since we told her at 12 weeks (thank the Gods we didn't tell her at 8 weeks like he wanted to originally). I have repeatedly asked that she not do it, and she gets all pissy and my sil tuts about me then :( They act like I'm so odd not wanting it, why WOULD I want it? :( I don't grab their ass while I talk to them!!

abbiebunn · 08/01/2015 20:45

I personally don't like it. I'm 18 weeks. I had a waitress feel my bump the other night. For me it's the fact that most don't ask. And I do feel that they are invading my personal space.
For me would people like someone to come up to them n touch them? Just coz I'm pregnant makes it ok?

Knottyknitter · 08/01/2015 21:55

My dm is the only person who's done it. Drives me spare and the baby seems to know and go instantly quiet!

bubalou · 08/01/2015 22:48

I'm 19 weeks and have had several but they've all been close friends. My dad and grandad too are guilty and I do find it weird people touching my stomach without asking.

If I didn't know the person well who did it I really don't know how I would react.

Fuck off seem suitable enough or too harsh?

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