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Original poster

What to call step-grandparents?

23 replies

Kiterun · 31/07/2014 22:53

My parents don't talk to each other and there's a lot of bad feeling between them (well mainly my mum hating my dad as he left her for his current wife). Both parents remarried when I was an adult and I get on ok with their new spouses.

I'm due in October and am not sure what the baby will call my parents' spouses. Mum and dad will be granny and grandpa. I dont really mind their spouses also being granny and grandpa (with their first names to identify them) - but reckon my mum in particular will be upset that my dad's wife is sharing the title.

Has anyone else been in the same position and what did you end up doing?

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JennyBlueWren · 31/07/2014 22:56

Could you go for a variation on gran e.g nana. Our could just wait and see what they call them such as a baby's version of their name.

MrsBungle · 31/07/2014 22:57

My children call my step-dfil by his name - as does dh.his mum got together with her new husband when dh was 30+.

They call my step dad "papa" (common term in Scotland for grandad) even though I call him by his name but he's been my step dad since I was 8 and is like a dad to me.

ClaireFraser · 31/07/2014 23:26

Could they be Aunty x and uncle y? My MIL is Aunty Margaret to the grandchildren of her husband (DH stepdad).

Works for everyone, doesn't confuse young children and 'actual Grandmother' hasnt had her nose put out of joint.

omama · 31/07/2014 23:26

We have nannie & granny, & Grandad followed by his first name. Seems to avoid any confusion

2468Motorway · 31/07/2014 23:34

Your mum will have to share a title or at least similar with your DP/DH mum though. So it won't be unique.

Hopefully she mightn't mind but in our case referring to the steps just as gran or grandad or whatever (Nana Sue etc.) has been really positive. Made the family seem happier (even if the previously married couple and spouses never meet!).

kkllww · 01/08/2014 08:59

We chose variations such as nana and granpa for the steps, instead of grandma/grandad for the parents, but the little one may christen them something entirely different as soon as they can talk. Grandpa has become 'Ruffy' for some reason (no idea where it came from) so we just end up calling him that!

hubbahubster · 01/08/2014 10:02

tries not to out self my godmother is 'Boom' to her step kids and therefore 'Boom Boom' to her step grand kids. I always thought a cute nickname was lovely instead of a proper title, it shows affection without necessarily spelling out a relationship. My sister and I often call my dad by a pet name, so my DS calls him 'gram(nickname)'.

BridgettRousselot · 01/08/2014 10:15

Have the discussion with your DM ask her what she thinks you should call your Step Mother.

We went down the road of adding their first name and eventually as the children got older they called the step grandparent their first name only and lost the grandma bit.

GobblersKnob · 01/08/2014 10:24

Mine have two step grandparents, both are just called by their first name.

ComeHeather · 01/08/2014 10:28

Three step grandparents here...both called by their names.

So Nana and Fred, and Granny and Bob, and Grandpa and Denise.

For exactly the reason the OP has!

ComeHeather · 01/08/2014 10:29

all not both. Doh.

ShyGirl1001 · 01/08/2014 10:30

Growing up we just called them Granny or Grandad. Whatever you're most comfortable with.

spence24 · 01/08/2014 12:34

We've had this problem too as my stepdad is younger than my OH, so it's all a bit odd, as he's not actually old enough to be a grandad - much to all our amusement!

He is a miserable sod though, and we have all decided to call him Grumpy +name instead of Grampy as it is similar sounding, and it's the only grandfather figure my child will have on my side of the family. My family will be the "younger" grandparents anyway, and OH's parents are retiring very soon and will have the more "traditional" grandparent role...

Maybe a fun but related nickname of reach of them could work for you - I guess it depends on humour levels in the family!

slightlyinsane · 01/08/2014 13:20

We have step gps and all gps are grandma / grandad then first name. My parents spilt nearly 30yrs ago (omg I feel old realising it's that long ago) for the exact same reason, we've spent far too many yrs Pussy footing around my mum so we don't upset her by seeing my dad and stepmum. I completely understand how she must of felt all those yrs ago and understand her not wanting to have anything to do with her, there's 4 of us and we've all lied and snuck around for yrs to spare her feelings.

I decided that when my kids were old enough to talk about them my mum would have to suck it up and learnto deal with it, I'm not having my kids worried about saying the wrong thing.
Just explain to your mum that they are going to be called the same thing as you don't want your kids having to worry about upsetting her, they're too young and innocent to get mixed up in grown up problems.

Julius02 · 01/08/2014 13:26

I'm a stepgrandmother and am called Nanny X, although the name often gets dropped and I am just Nanny. The most important thing for me was that the child's real grandmother was ok with what I was called, and I worried about it for ages before discussing it with my stepchild. I suggest having that discussion.

MyNameIsSuz · 01/08/2014 13:36

We just let them choose what they wanted to be, the same as my parents. None of us consider our step parents as parents, but as far as all the children are concerned they are all just grandparents. My mum and stepdad are Grandma and Grandad to my boy and my stepsister's girls.

RetroHippy · 01/08/2014 14:43

My stepdad has already been told he will be known as 'Grandad Beard'. My dad will be known as 'Grandad Boat'

My stepdad has far and away earned the title and is taking his new role (no kids of his own) very seriously.

My actual father is indifferent. If anyone deserves a lesser title it's him.

It's not really any different to having the 'usual' (what's usual these days?) two sets of grandparents and having to decide which names are allocated where. My mum's parents were always know as Grandad (name) and Grandma (name), my dad's parents were Grandma and Gramps.

ecuse · 01/08/2014 14:53

My DD calls all her grandparents and stepgrandparents 'nana' and 'grandad' or variants thereof (she doesn't distinguish the 'step' part essentially). This is nice for her, I don't want to set up a heirarchy of grandparents, I'm just happy she has so many people to love her. Your mum sounds like she might be pissy about it, but I think you need to let it wash over you. As long as you treat her 2nd husband the same way as your DFs 2nd wife then I think you've acted fairly.

PandaNot · 01/08/2014 14:57

My dc have two step-grandparents and just use their first names. They don't have a parenting role for my dh, they just happen to be married to his parents, so why should they be grandparents? Hasn't upset anyone.

Choccyhobnob · 01/08/2014 16:19

I come from a large split family and never really thought about what we called everyone!

My maternal nan - nana (surname)
My paternal grandparents - nana and granddad (surname)
My stepmum's parents - nana (firstname) and grandpa (firstname)
My stepdad's parents - granddad and x (first name)

Now my children are having to deal with this confusing scenario but they have:

Paternal grandparents - grandma and grandpa
My mum - nana
Her bf - granddad
My dad - Grandpa x (first name)
My stepmum - nana (firstname)

The names just naturally evolved I suppose!

LolaBelle211 · 01/08/2014 21:12

We have Grandma & Papa (my mum and step dad) Grandad and Nanni (my dad and step mum) and Nan and Pappy (DH parents) doesn't cause any confusion or conflict

pinkerson · 01/08/2014 21:16

My kids called my stepmum by her first name, and my stepdad too. My mum is the only one who calls my stepdad 'grandpa'. I felt awkward referring to him that way - tricky relationship - and my kids picked up on that. Dd2 always corrects my mum and says he's my step- grandad.

I think I am happy with this - it feels honest and clear.

frankiebuns · 01/08/2014 21:43

My partners parents have split and we call stepgranpa st-ick step (his name) dick shortened

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