Scared to tell the father

[Misslosingit]

We've had an on/off relationship for a long time. But I hardly know anything about him. It seems to be on his terms, but he seems to want to make it work atm. Trouble is I'm always on edge not knowing if he's going to turn cold again. However I'm pregnant. Very early stages so not told anyone yet. I'm really confused. I want to tell him and everything work out and be a 'normal' family. But I'm not sure I want that, and I'm not sure he will. But I have to tell him, don't I?

I might delay telling him for a week or so to allow you some time to absorb this news. It doesn't sound like you can rely on him, however positively he reacts, so I'd be making your plans on the basis of single parenthood. Whatever support he gives is then a bonus.

Yes you do, but in your own time. Can you talk it over with someone in the mean time? Sometimes things like this can bring decisions about relationships to a head- one way or another it sounds like that might be a good thing for you both.

It's really not worth trying to make family with someone who is only doing it because of the baby. Tough as it might be, it might well be psychologically easier to cope as a single parent than to have try and fix a relationship at the same time as look after an infant. Remember that whatever happens he will also have responsibility to support the baby, at least financially.

Saw him today, it's going well atm, so fingers crossed but I'm not saying anything yet. I'm also under a mental health team so yet to tell them. I don't know what happens if you're pregnant with a mental illness? Will they abandon me? I'm meant to be on meds but stopped taking them since I found out, although was planning to talk to someone about that next week.

You dont have to tell the father straight away as its very early days. However I would suggest you need to speak to your mental health team. Ask for an appointment and explain the situation. There are different medications you can take but its important they are aware of changes so they can manage your mental illness so you and baby are as well as possible. I used to work in an assertive outreach team and we had a few ladies who became pregnant and we built a support plan around them and their new needs as they progressed through the pregnancy and after the birth.

Is you GP supportive? I would get an appointment with them to start with.

Are your family supportive? Are you prepared to raise this baby on your own potentially?

Your mental health team won't abandon you. You will definitely be offered care in that area while you're pregnant. Do be sure to tell them as soon as possible so they can advise you about the medication. It is something they will be used to dealing with x

Thank you, it's starting to sink in now, and I'm feeling scared and panicky.

This is a big change and if you've stopped your medication, it's little wonder you're on edge. I think talking to the MHT would probably help.