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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

When to tell DS about pregnancy?

17 replies

insomniacrisis · 02/01/2014 15:49

Hi I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant with DC2 and have just told family and friends my good news. I already have one DS who is four and I am wondering whether I should yell him now or wait another two or three months. He has no real concept of time so I know if I tell him he will expect it to happen right away, I am therefore inclined to wait as long as possile before telling him. On the other hand people will be having conversations with me about the pregnancy in front of him which may just confuse him if I haven't already directly spoken to him about it.
Anybody with previous experience of telling children around his age got any advice?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Twinsplusonesurprise · 02/01/2014 15:57

I wouldn't let him hear it from anyone else so if you think he will then you should tell him.
I got a book, Rory's Story to tell my DSs. They are 2.5 so have no concept of time either. We just kept reading the story from time to time and talking about mummy's fat tummy.
Getting them used to the idea early on made it easy to remind them not to jump on me too. They've been fab and adore their baby brother! Good luck.

Shellywelly1973 · 02/01/2014 15:59

I told the older dc after my 20 week scan.

runningonwillpower · 02/01/2014 16:01

How sensible are you to even ask?

I know folk who tell their tiny child about a pregnancy almost at the moment of conception. How is a wee person meant to understand?

I would tell your child now - for the reasons you give - but very casually and make it clear it's not going to happen soon. You can build up gradually nearer to the time. He can get fully involved when you are getting the new baby stuff together.

Congratulations!

Only1scoop · 02/01/2014 16:01

Hi Op Congratulations! I'd probably just wait a little while if it were me.
We have dd 3.5 and waited until about 14 weeks to tell her and she was over the moon. Talked about baby constantly.
It wasn't good news as we found we had lost baby a couple of weeks later. Telling her was the most heart wrenching thing in the world.
I'm so sorry this is a slightly sad posting but it's just a thought.
Take care

smearedinfood · 02/01/2014 16:10

I had to get a CVS so DP brought DS 3 to the initial scan bit. He was fine. But couldn't make out this baby on the screen that everyone was talking about. We bought a 'House inside my Mummy' book which explained a bit about it too.

I think he was more worried about mummy feeling sick initially. Now when we talk about babies he turns it into a chat about when he was a baby. Which is fine.

Shellywelly1973 · 02/01/2014 16:10

Same reasons as Only 1 scoop but I didn't want to say incase it upset you.

Only1scoop · 02/01/2014 16:14

Op I'm really.... sorry just read my post and it seems a little tactless. Was not my intention to worry you and I'm truly sorry if it has.

Original poster

insomniacrisis · 02/01/2014 17:46

Don't worry Only1Scoop, I appreciate your post! I'm only too aware that a negative outcome is possible. I might wait a few weeks and then slowly accoustom him to the idea.

OP posts:

kimlo · 02/01/2014 18:22

with dd2 I told dd1 when I was about 24 weeks. Mostly because I knew it was too long for her to wait without getting impatient.

I had told everybody that she didnt know so they knew not to mention it in front of her. She must have been the worlds most unobservant 5 year old though because she came to midwife appointments with me and everything

pettyprudence · 02/01/2014 18:31

my mum must have been 6 months pg with my dsis when she told me... i was nearly 7! I had no idea children are too self absorbed to notice what is going on with you and they have no reason to think big belly=baby. I told ds at about 24w, but only because I was fed up of him bouncing on me (he is 2.9m now and I am 33w). It has made bugger all difference to him climbing/bouncing on me but he is excited about a baby but also impatient. Oh and I told everyone not to mention it to him or in front of him.

PenguinsDontEatStollen · 02/01/2014 18:44

We told DD1 (4.5) at 20 weeks this time. We had told a few people beforehand, but had expressly told them that DD1 didn't know (DD2 had actually been to the 12 week scan but was too young to understand).

I know quite a lot of people probably guessed before I told them that I was pregnant, but it wasn't so obvious that anyone put me on the spot with a question before 20 weeks, and then they tended not to do it in front of DD1 in case they were wrong!

I was glad she didn't know when we got a high risk outcome for Down Syndrome, which we found out late at nearly 16 weeks, and had to go through amnio. All was fine, but I was sooooo glad I didn't have to worry about that aspect.

dk75 · 02/01/2014 19:55

Hi! It is such a difficult decision to make. Earlier this year I was pregnant and told our daughter at 12 weeks and then lost it at 16 weeks. As 1 scoop said telling them is the most terrible thing and I still go over it in my head.

I am now 14+5 and we decided to tell her again at 12 weeks. I talked it through with the midwife and she said it was unlikely to happen again, and that children are very resilient. It has really helped me feel more positive about this pregnancy and really hope I did the right thing.

I think it really is a personal decision. For me, I get so big that I can't really hide it from her anyway. I am really obviously pregnant now.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do

SomethingOnce · 03/01/2014 02:20

We waited until the day after the anomaly scan at 20 weeks to tell our 3.6yo, but I wasn't so big that people had begun to notice and comment.

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight · 03/01/2014 02:59

I had no choice.
DS then aged four knew before I did.
Playing with the bubbles in my bath, put his hands on my tummy and announced 'baby in there'
I thought he was telling me I had a bit of a pudge, but no.
If I had the choice I would have left it till maybe 20 weeks or more because he was insufferable before she arrived
Think 'are we there yet?' Every day for eight months

perfectstorm · 03/01/2014 04:30

I told DS there was a little seed in my tummy that we hoped would grow into a baby, but you never know. He then asked if a seed growing wrong had been why I'd been in hospital last year (it was - ectopic). I said yes, but we had had doctors look and this seed was in the right place and the other one hadn't. He's been interested and engaged and sweet the whole way through the pregnancy and knew it wouldn't happen at once, because we've grown stuff from seeds.

Kids pick up on atmosphere and know when things are different. I don't think secrets like this are a good idea, personally. As long as it's age appropriate and they're old enough to get what's happening (DS was 5 a couple of months ago and we told him over the summer) then a child-geared truth is best IMO.

TwoThreeFourSix · 03/01/2014 06:40

We told 2 year old DS very early as he would not stop jumping on my tummy. Worked a treat. He loves the bump and often says hello to the baby but hasnt been asking when baby will arrive - think he hasnt understood that bit yet.

Took him a few weeks to stop panicking when I was sick - now he barely reacts he's so used to it!

MummyPig24 · 03/01/2014 07:03

We told our two, who were 5 and 3 at the time, when we came home after the first scan at 12 weeks. We wanted to tell other people and felt it only fair that we told the children and they didn't hear it from anyone else.

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