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Pregnancy

devastated!!! :(

56 replies

Jasss123 · 17/09/2013 10:08

after a year together (and 7 years of being best friends!) me and my partner decided to try for a baby! six months later and I find out I'm 8 weeks pregnant! cannot contain my joy and just wanna tell the world, I tell my once-supportive boyfriend and he hits the roof saying he thought it would take longer than this and he's just not ready telling me to get rid of it otherwise he'll be 'miserable for the rest of his life and it'll be All my fault'. gutted! as if that wasn't bad enough, I then think I've miscarried and the doctors think so too, so they send me for a scan at the hospital to confirm it where he doesn't come with me (or to any of the other appointments) and I'm elated to find that little heartbeat on the screen fluttering away! I bring home the picture to show him and he tells me to throw it away because if we're getting rid of it why would we need a picture?!?! I really don't wanna get rid of it, its the last thing I want but I really don't wanna lose him either and now he keeps badgering me daily to phone up and book a termination but I'm trying to put it off for as long as I can, am I wrong to do so? does it make me a bad person to risk the best relationship I've ever had with the best friend I've ever had? I'm now 9+1 and should be having prenatal apps ect but I'm so confused and don't know what to do!!!

OP posts:

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ScariestFairyByFar · 17/09/2013 12:42

Do not have a termination you'll regret it leave him now and enjoy life as a single parent - it's not as bad as you might think

TheContrastofWhiteonWhite · 17/09/2013 12:46

The only reason for a woman to terminate a pregnancy is because she concludes it is the right decision in the circumstances. There can be any number of reasons why people decide to terminate - but being pressured into it when you don't feel it is the right decision should not be one of them.

You are in an abusive relationship. He isn't your best friend - would you treat your best friend this way? Please, please find someone in real life who can support you.

crazykat · 17/09/2013 12:47

Please don't have a termination if you want to have this baby. If you do you will most likely end up resenting our partner and lose him anyway.

You deserve so much better than him, he agreed to TTC and now he's telling you to terminate the pregnancy. Sweetheart you are worth so much more than that.

Any partner who truly cares for you and deserves you would stand by you even if the baby hadn't been planned. They wouldn't deliberately make a baby then say get rid.

If you want this baby, have it and get rid of him. It will be hard but you will regret terminating this baby that you want far more than losing the idiot you conceived it with.

Please don't let him bully you into this.

frogwatcher42 · 17/09/2013 13:01

Jasss -Your boyfriend must know that a baby can be conceived at first try! You could have been pregnant after one month! It took you 6 months which must be quite average I would think and certainly not instant enough for your boyfriend to announce that he thought it would take longer.

Fact is that he is being a git. And very immature (how old is he?). If this is the best you have in a relationship you need to get some support. Find some real life support even if it is the doctor surgery.

Do not terminate a wanted pregnancy - even if you have any doubt and you go ahead with termination, you may find it affects the rest of your life. Once done it cannot be undone. Termination is fine if you are sure it is what you want.

You must be-able to see that if this is how your partner is then life would be better without him. There are many very happy single mums out there.

Carole803 · 17/09/2013 13:30

Keep the baby, drop the gutless bully.

TalkativeJim · 17/09/2013 13:33

Best relationship youv'e ever had?

Not any more.

Get rid and be happy.

He's a pig. Be thankful you've seen his true colours now.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 17/09/2013 13:45

Jass, please dump this vile bullying excuse for a human being. Also suggest you post on the Relationships board as the wise women there will be able to support you.

Thumbwitch · 17/09/2013 13:50

If this is the best relationship you have ever had then you really must have been out with some awful losers! This one isn't any better.

If his response to you carrying his child is that you should "get rid of it" then frankly, his arse is the one that should be shown the door.

Can't bear "men" like this.

angryangryyoungwoman · 17/09/2013 14:26

Do what you want to do. Don't make a decision based on anyone else. This baby would be your responsibility if you decide to have it. If you decide not to have him/her, then you have to live with that decision as well so decide only for yourself, no one else. There is no right or wrong decision, just that you have to live with the consequences either way. So do what is best for you, no one else.

Yonihadtoask · 17/09/2013 14:30

Lots of excellent advice OP.

I can only agree with all the previous posters.

This man does not have your best interests at heart.

FastWindow · 17/09/2013 14:49

He is NOT your best friend.

Would you treat any friend of yours like this?!!

BunInMyOven93 · 17/09/2013 16:31

you need to leave this man! there is a lot of support for single mums with your background and you and your baby will be better off without him!

How dare he say 'i thought we had more time' when he knew you were both TTC!!

Please please please do not bow down to him and get rid of your little one. Your baby is more important than any man. If thats what you want to call him.

Just imagine this scenario.
You terminate your pregnancy, stay with him for another year and then you break up. How would you feel knowing that you got rid of a baby for this man who treats you like crap?

sorry if this is a bit shouty, i just really hope you see sense!

I wish you all the best xoxo

Sarahmains40 · 17/09/2013 21:24

If you got rid of your baby because of him the relationship would be already over. You would just end up resenting him. You clearly want the baby maybe its him you should think about getting rid of. Don't let him push you around in to something you would regret.

You deserve so much more respect than this. I really hope you work out what you want and I'm sorry your going through this.

Just remind your boyfriend that you'll be the one carrying the baby for 9 months having massive changes to your body.

Hope your ok :( xx

HopeS01 · 18/09/2013 08:38

I'm so sorry for you, OP. Please, please (if you want to, which it sounds like you do) keep your baby. You will never regret that decision, but you will certainly regret the alternative

Stay strong

mirry2 · 18/09/2013 08:40

If you want to keep the baby, don't have a termination. You'll regret it for the rest of your life.

babycakemumma · 18/09/2013 12:44

Leave him and make a life for you and your baby.

You'll regret a termination.

BlackberryandNettle · 18/09/2013 13:30

Hi Jasss, just to reiterate what others have said, his behaviour is controlling, selfish and abusive. Easier said than done but I think you should leave him, then decide for yourself whether you want to keep the baby.

BlackberryandNettle · 18/09/2013 13:35

Quite honestly getting out of the so called relationship would be my first priority, you need to put yourself first, before him and the baby.

MadBusLady · 18/09/2013 13:37

Looks like the OP isn't coming back.

CoffeeGuzzler · 18/09/2013 13:40

Oh dear!!! I really really hope that Jasss is reading all these messages and that she has a support network in real life.

BunInMyOven93 · 18/09/2013 13:40

I agree buslady . Hopefully shes read back some replies

BlackberryandNettle · 18/09/2013 13:52

Quite honestly getting out of the so called relationship would be my first priority, you need to put yourself first, before him and the baby. This is your baby and I'm not suggesting you shouldn't keep it if that is what you want, but at the risk of sounding very harsh being mother to this man's child at all would leave you open to all sorts of manipulation from him in the future (things like refusing to pay child support, objecting to you seeing other men, possible battles over access/custody, making then breaking arrangements). Sorry to sound so negative but he does sound like the kind of guy who might do things like this.... Not a reason to terminate your child but something to think very carefully about.

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katebakes · 18/09/2013 15:04

He's a vile person.

My husband was 22 and in the middle of his dissertation when we found out I was pregnant and he has been nothing but loving and supportive.

This is a much wanted baby and you shouldn't even consider having a termination if you don't want to. You'll regret it forever if you do it for him and quite frankly, he's not worth it.

I am so sad and angry for you. Please rid yourself of this pathetic waste of space.

lolablu · 18/09/2013 17:28

hey.

i know what its like. Iv skimmed all these messages and they say the same thing over and over again. That your boyfriend is abusive etc etc.

I know what I thought when I read that from my friends, and strangers, that they dont know what they are talking about.

it took a lot of years of acceptance to realise what it was for myself. to take action for myself.

please, take this as a wake up call, make this question every action, every niggle yyou have had.

i truely hope you are able to become strong through this and if not accept that your bf is abusive, that at least in this situation he is wrong and something needs to happen to change the situation. you have another life to think about now...

i hope you will find your way through. it is a difficult situation.

Frecklesandspecs · 18/09/2013 18:26

Hi hun. I'm married and pregnant with third. I went through all this at the beginning of this pregnancy. Dh didn't want it and wanted me to terminate. I couldn't and here I am 34 weeks and we are all excited waiting for the baby to arrive.
He was scared but about half way through he got over himself. Stick to your guns and he should stick by you. Just give it time. I know its upsetting but you cannot go through with a termination on his behalf. That would destroy anything you have anyway. X

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