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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Find out sex but keep it secret from DH

21 replies

TheGreatCatsby · 10/09/2013 14:06

right....DH has said that i can find out sex of this baby (dc4) but have to keep it secret from him. Am sorely tempted as i really want to know (i think) but wonder if i am just being impatient and will regret me knowing and him not or whether actually this is a modern arrangement and trust my ability to keep a secret..... WWYD?

OP posts:

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CunfuddledAlways · 10/09/2013 14:12

We tried this, baby was due around his brothers birthday and we where announcing to people and I said something like your having a niece for your birthday, totally outing gender!!

spanky2 · 10/09/2013 14:14

I would forget and refer to the baby as s/he. I would also say oh I like that and forget I shouldn't be looking at dresses as I don't know what sort I have .

TheContrastofWhiteonWhite · 10/09/2013 14:15

I know someone who did this - twice. She was a doctor and knew she would tell from the scan, but her DH didn't want to know.

She said the hardest thing was gendered pronouns (painting 'his' room, etc). So she agreed from the outset that she would use both as and when she felt like it. Therefore less chance of a slip.

flamingo122 · 10/09/2013 14:15

my dh didnt want to know but i did. during my scan (dh was away with work) the ob said they knew sex.me being me asked :)
dh is fine with me knowing and him not. in fact, most of our friends know too. basically, everyone but him lol
im now 24 weeks...

flowersinavase · 10/09/2013 14:15

I found out with DS and didn't tell. We'd sorted names before so I didn't need to pretend to care about girls' names. Every time I slipped up and said 'he' I consciously used 'she' a few times. I hid the boys' stuff under genderless clothes left over from DD.

DH swears he didn't know.

It's perfectly possible I think...

lotsofcheese · 10/09/2013 14:21

I did this - it was fine! Just referred to the baby as "it" & didn't tell anyone else (I felt it was wrong for others to know & not DP). I bought baby stuff fairly late on & stashed it in a cupboard. DP didn't suspect a thing. It was a genuine surprise for him.

Cjilly · 10/09/2013 14:31

DH and I were having this same conversation last night. I want to know but he doesn't but me being me, I'll slip up and even if I use both genders, my slip.up will be obvious. I guess I'm not finding out then.. I don't mind too much anyway

AmpullaOfVater · 10/09/2013 14:35

We're doing this. We made an agreement before I found out that I would always refer to the baby as 'he' (because I was sure it was a boy) and that we would discuss both girls' and boys' names. (it's a girl!)

Found out a month ago and have had no problem keeping the secret.

cravingcake · 10/09/2013 14:45

If you arent 100% sure you will trust yourself to keep it secret from your DH you could ask the sonographer to write it down & put it in a sealed envelope. You can then open it when or if you feel ready.

Agree with other posters that you need some sort of agreement in place beforehand so you dont accidentally slip up.

thethreeblondies · 10/09/2013 14:52

We couldn't agree whether to find out or not, sonographer offered us the sealed envelope, it's been in cupboard since 20 weeks I'm now 34! struggling on names and it's tempting to open it but don't think we will now

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 10/09/2013 15:03

Nope! The whole family want to know, but I dont. I win!

its been a rough trip so far, and I want to know that there will be at least one nice surprise due this pg!

omwards · 10/09/2013 15:07

DH was adamant we weren't going to find out. We had a scan at 13 weeks and I looked online for information and basically found out enough to make a good guess. I didn't tell DH and because I didn't really 'know' for sure, it was still a surprise when he came out. I was right of course!

Original poster

TheGreatCatsby · 10/09/2013 15:11

ohmygod!!! i can't begin to tell you how much i am enjoying this thread!!!!! the sealed envelope thing sounds amazing....maybe i will ask for that.....

OP posts:

Foxeym · 10/09/2013 20:01

My DP didn't want to know but I did so he left the room and the sonographer told me and 2DD's (age 15 and 12). I'm now 34 weeks and he still doesn't know!!

WhiteMagnolia · 10/09/2013 22:47

I have known since 3 months...my husband wants a surprise...managed easily not to slip up but helps that I have told no-one else! Use a unisex nickname from the start and if you both call it that then it makes it easier! Also have used he/she in equal measure like they do in books...

Carole803 · 10/09/2013 23:25

We decided that either we both knew or both didn't. We asked the sonographer to write it in a card, which is sealed in an envelope with the scan so I can't be tempted to guess. I still don't want to find out, but we at least have the choice. The envelope is hidden out of site too.

Excited2meetmyprincess · 11/09/2013 11:17

There is no way I could do this. We found out that we are having a DD and since then everything I have bought it obviously for a girl so he would know straight away. I am just glad we both wanted to know from the beginning x

allchatnicknamesgone · 11/09/2013 13:24

I didn't tell my partner. He left the room and I was convinced he'd tell by my face when I came out. The only agreement we had was that he would never ask and I wouldn't tell anyone. My mum nagged me the whole time to tell her, but I didn't. I actually didn't really buy much because it was our first and I thought a few white things would do! Also, not a fan of pink stuff. When I did give birth it was really sweet seeing his reaction and then I just said what I wanted to call her and that was that. Each to their own, but it worked for me and in hindsight made it more special. GL x

SageMist · 11/09/2013 13:31

The husband of a friend of mine forbad (!) her from asking about the sex of their 4th at a scan. She said 'yes dear', booked herself a private scan, took her mother along and found out they were having a much wanted boy. She (or her Mum) never told her husband at all!

Can't say I'd have done this. I'd have told my H to just not go to the scans if he didn't want to know.

pindorasbox · 11/09/2013 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GuffSmuggler · 11/09/2013 21:30

My SIL has admitted she found out the sex when she had to attend a late scan on her own and kept it secret and my DB has never known she knew!

I was very at the deception involved!!!

I would quite like to know but DH is adamant he wants a surprise and I would never be able to keep it a secret.

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