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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Should I take my toddler to my 20wk scan?

43 replies

happygelfling · 23/08/2013 13:38

My toddler will be 23 months old when I go for my 20 week scan with baby nr 2. DP and I would really like to take her along to involve her in the pregnancy, but we are a bit worried that she will just fidget / play up and it will be a nightmare.
Does anyone have any experience/suggestions?
Thank you in advance!

OP posts:

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Forester · 23/08/2013 13:41

No - what if the scan indicates there may be a problem? (Though obviously hopefully it won't)

I think when you have scans right at the end of the pregnancy e.g. checking position then that can be OK.

JollyHappyGiant · 23/08/2013 13:45

We didn't. 20w scan is a detailed scan checking all baby's bits are in the right place. The toddler won't know what's going on on the screen anyway. Scans are difficult enough to make our for adults. Ans

JollyHappyGiant · 23/08/2013 13:47

Posted too soon

And if DD plays up you could end up with DP missing most of the scan due to having to take her out of the room.

MrsCakesPremonition · 23/08/2013 13:48

What is your hospital's policy?

At our hospital, your DH and DC would be expected to wait in the waiting area until the sonographer had completed all the checks. Only then would they be called in to have a look at the screen.
In fact everyone except the pregnant woman is expected to wait in the waiting area until called - partners, mums, best friends, other randoms.

Discogeek · 23/08/2013 13:49

At my hospital children weren't allowed in until all the checks had been done. You may need to check what the policy is at your hospital first before making a decision.

NaturalBaby · 23/08/2013 13:51

We didn't have a choice, our dc's where 11months and 25months ish.

Gatorade · 23/08/2013 13:54

I wouldn't, the 20 week scan is a diagnostic tool, not just a nice chance for your toddler to see the baby. You could end up in an awful position of receiving bad news and then having to deal with it alone whilst your DP looks after the toddler.

If you really want to let her see the baby in advance of the birth i would suggest that you book a private scan later (baby bond type) in the pregnancy, your toddler will be older and there is significantly less chance of a problem being identified.

Also, it is worth remembering that many hospitals will not allow children to attend the scan.

Good luck with it and sorry for raising the unlikely worst case scenarios!

bonzo77 · 23/08/2013 13:55

No. You need to be able to concentrate and lie still. The sonographers needs to be able to concentrate. The toddler will not "get" it. If child care is an issue then leave her with DP and go alone. If you get bad news then will you want the toddler dancing about while you choke back tears?

intheshed · 23/08/2013 13:56

We took DD1 to the scan at 20 months old, we didn't have anyone else to look after her. She was fine, the sonographer was lovely to her, and it was a nice way for her to 'meet' her little sister.

Longdistance · 23/08/2013 14:01

I took my dd1 in with me. Huge mistake. She went ape shit as the sonographer was scanning my tummy.

I wouldn't recommend it. My mum took her out of the room in the end.

SmokedMackerel · 23/08/2013 14:09

I wouldn't if you didn't have to.

I took dd1, then aged three to most of my appointments, including twenty week scan, because dh couldn't get the time off work and I had nobody else to leave her with.

She was actually always very well behaved and interested in the baby - she'd sit quietly in a chair the whole time, watching intently, then would ask at the end if the baby was "still happy", but if I'd had someone to look after her I still would definitely have just gone on my own :-)

GreatJoanUmber · 23/08/2013 14:09

I took DS1 to my 20w scan with #2, he was 22 months old. As my DH was there too, it was ok; but you do lose some of the experience as at least one of you will be distracted.
I took DS1 again yesterday to my 20w scan with #3, he is now 4 years old and quite 'good' usually. I only did it as I couldn't find childcare for him though; thankfully managed to book DS2 in at nursery. DH was too busy at work to be able to make it. And despite DS1 being reasonably old and sensible, and looking forward to seeing the new baby, he still got bored after about 2 minutes and started whining/ monkeying around so it was quite hard work for me to keep him in check AND concentrate on the scan. Definitely wouldn't recommend that to anyone!
However if you have someone there to look after your daughter and who won't mind missing out on the scan, by all means take her. She won't 'get it' that much but it also won't hurt. If a problem comes up, ask your DH to take her out. Of course that means you'll have to deal with whatever it is by yourself. Other option would be to bring yet another person (granny?) to look after the child so both you and your DH can be there for the scan.

Bambamb · 23/08/2013 14:10

I wouldn't unless you absolutely have to for all the reasons stated above. It's not done for you to meet the baby, they're looking for potential problems and if anything were found having a toddler there will make it harder to deal with.

TarkaTheOtter · 23/08/2013 18:37

We had to take dd (18months) as we couldn't get a baby sitter. She was fine (with the help of chocolate buttons) but she didn't get anything out of it. I wasn't expecting her and dh to be allowed in the room but it seemed to be at the sonographers discretion.
Would a private scan be an option?

Bodicea · 23/08/2013 19:24

I am a sonographer and I prefer people not to bring their children into the room as they make it more difficult for me to concentrate. I have stopped scanning on occasion all my head as been all over the place if kids have been particularly noisy and booked them for a repeat.
If there are only mum and dad there I do let them bring the child into the room as I don't think the father should miss a thing but if there are any other adults there I ask them to sit outside with the child until I have completed all my checks. I do the same if a few adults come along - they can sometime be noisier than the kids. It does depend on each hospital and the discretion of the sonographer though.
The scan first and foremost to check for abnormalities. It is lovely at the end of the scan for family/children to see the baby and can be a good bonding experience but that is not what it is really for. Have been in the very difficult position of giving bad news when a child is in the room. It can be awful. It is really not worth it.

princesscupcakemummyb · 23/08/2013 20:15

i took my toddler to my scan and it was rather stressful for me as the tech was training a new sonographer my scan took ages about 35 mins i loved seeing baby in detail and they didnt mind my children being in the room at all but i myself found the scan stressfull as the youngest kept trying to get to me so found i couldnt enjoy the scan as much as i would have liked to how ever i dont regret taking my children as i wanted them to meet their new sibling if possible id find childcare get lots of pics to show your toddler and enjoy

hettienne · 23/08/2013 20:18

My hospital discourage you bringing other children. It's an anomaly scan - what if you get very distressing news with your little DD in the room?

Yonionekanobe · 23/08/2013 20:31

I agree with others who have said not to.

A further reason not mentioned is something I observed when I went to my 20 week scan this week (DD2). A couple came in with a lovely little girl and probably didn't notice in the crowded waiting room a very distressed couple who had to leave on seeing the girl.

Whilst I realise that you cant hide from children when going through problems (and have been through pregnancy loss myself) the fetal medicine unit of a large London hospital is not the place to have to watch someone else's adorable little toddler.

Beamae · 23/08/2013 20:34

I have taken my twins, now 23 months, to every scan and appointment. In the scans we did offer at the start to take them out of the room if they were disturbing the sonographer but nobody really minded.

CheeseFondueRocks · 23/08/2013 21:01

DD (19 months) will come to mine. Not because we see it as a chance for her to see the baby but because we have nobody to watch her. Our hospital is fine with this however and I think different hospitals have different rules.

CheeseFondueRocks · 23/08/2013 21:02

Oh, and at the 12 week scan, there were plenty of children around.

Original poster

happygelfling · 23/08/2013 21:09

Thanks for all the helpful responses. There's a very clear message coming through!

OP posts:

PicklePants · 23/08/2013 21:23

I took DS to mine recently and wished I hadn't! He's 2 and didn't give a monkeys had no idea what was going on. We did ask beforehand and the sonographer was happy for him to come in, but he was bored and fidgety and DH spent the whole time wrangling him.

In hindsight - not a good idea!

Livvylongpants · 23/08/2013 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaucyJack · 23/08/2013 21:33

Don't take her if you don't have to.

It's a medical procedure, not a meet 'n' greet.

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