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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

4.6yo not potty trained yet

21 replies

lovechoc · 26/06/2010 20:33

Is this quite normal? I have a relative who still hasn't began potty training her DS because he says 'no' and doesn't want to do it. She will do anything for the easy life and just accepts his answer. He starts nursery after summer hols. Her DP says 'loads of children go to school in nappies - it's actually more common than you think'. Not sure that's the right approach personally.

Anyone heard of this before? Most mums I know start potty training and if there's a little resistance then they leave it for a bit then try again.

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alexw · 26/06/2010 20:45

Poor child. Surely the parent should ignore his 'no'.

Original poster

lovechoc · 26/06/2010 20:49

I appreciate everyone has their own style of parenting but surely just being v lax about it isn't going to help the child?? Children get picked on for any little thing at school and adding nappies isn't going to help.

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thisisyesterday · 26/06/2010 20:51

well, i'd say no it isn't normal if she has only not done it because the child has said no, but there may be other reasons? she may have tried and failed and be giving it a bit more time?

am sure nursery/.school will get him trained even if she doesn't

Marne · 26/06/2010 20:53

My dd2 is still in nappies but she does have Autism, i feel really guilty that i will have to send her to school in september in nappies , i have tried (and am still trying) to toilet train her but if a child does not want to/is not ready then you can't make them.

I would say at the age of 4.6 a child would want to be dry unless they have other problems.

Original poster

lovechoc · 26/06/2010 20:55

they aren't trying different strategies to coax him into using the potty or toilet trainer seat. He just says no he's not interested and they leave it and that's it. Has happened a couple of times.

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Original poster

lovechoc · 26/06/2010 20:56

marne I'm sorry to hear about your DD, but this little boy doesn't have any medical problems or autism.

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pigletmania · 26/06/2010 21:21

Lovechoc how is the potty training going . If there are no SN or underlying physical factors than I would not accept this at all. I would just put the dc in pants and tell him that he is a big boy and has to use the toilet for wees/poos. If he wets I would get him to take off his pants and trousers and make him help in the clean up process. Why would anyone their child in nappies when they should not be . If you cant be bothered with that why have children.

Original poster

lovechoc · 27/06/2010 11:41

"If you cant be bothered with that why have children."

I personally don't think they are cut out for having children because they are too involved in their hobbies and own interests (that's for another thread!). But yes I agree, what's the point of having children if you can't help them achieve all their milestones.

As for DS, he has been dry now for nearly TWO weeks(!!!) day and night. I didn't expect night time dryness for a couple of years yet but he's waking up inthe morning and using potty straightaway so his nappy is bone dry. I am really pleased for him that he's doing so well. I know it's early days yet but I'm hoping this is it!

How is your DD getting on pigletmania?

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Original poster

lovechoc · 27/06/2010 11:42

"Why would anyone their child in nappies when they should not be"

anything for an easy life, it seems.

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pigletmania · 27/06/2010 17:02

Wow lovechoc thats fantastic well done . Well with dd we are on the right road, she knows when she needs to go and goes to the potty or toilet herself, but forgets to take off her pants so ends up with wet pants. But we are working on that, trying to teach her to take them off before the toilet, it will come. Night time well we wont start until she is about 4 as her nappies are always wet despite going just before bed and when she wakes up. As long as she is dry during the day and is making progress which she is, I am happpy.

snice · 27/06/2010 17:16

Have to say I've never known of a NS child starting school in nappies so yes, it would be unusual

Original poster

lovechoc · 27/06/2010 18:59

pigletmania keep going because it does pay off honestly. sounds like your DD is getting there. What kind of parents would we be if we just left them in nappies and didn't attempt to toilet train??

I wouldn't worry about night time yet, just focus on day time dryness. As I said already, I was no way expecting night time dryness from DS - this has been a shock to DH and myself because we were only focusing on day time dryness. It's just a bonus (so far).

snice I don't know anyone's child that started P1 in nappies either. Very odd attitude from relative's partner to suggest that it's 'common' for children to start school in nappies.

I do feel sorry for the little boy because how is he ever going to learn if he can't get guidance from his own parents? By 4 he should at least be encouraged to use the toilet.

We have used a reward chart and bribery to get DS to use potty (because he is strong willed and a bit lazy) but after so many weeks he just started running for the potty when he needed it and getting on with it himself. They do get it eventually but some just need a lot of prompting!

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pigletmania · 27/06/2010 22:02

Thanks lovechoc she is getting better and better by day, i had put her in a nappy for night time and she asked for a wee and did one in the potty, she is on the right road I will never go back to nappies. I will do night time when she is a little older and when she is fully potty trained in the day. I heard that it takes longer at night and depends on production of a certain hormone that decreases urine output at night.

maxybrown · 28/06/2010 09:25

wouldn't a 4.6 year old be about to start school? or are you not in the UK? Thought he would be going into reception after the summer? I have never come across children starting school in nappies without some kind of special needs. I wonder where the DP gets his evidence from??!!

I am all for children needing to be ready, my DS is 2.9 and only just starting to show interest and to be honest I am surprised at that as thought it would be a while off yet.

But surely there is some other issue?

Original poster

lovechoc · 28/06/2010 11:35

they are in the UK, and he can be deferred until he is 5.8yo. Scottish schools run differently - they can get two free years of preschool depending on which month their birthday falls before the start of term for P1. If that makes sense?!

no idea what other issues are at play besides the fact he's a very shy little boy. I just feel really sad for him.

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Reallytired · 02/07/2010 20:35

There must be special needs even if they aren't diagnosed. I can't imagine a four and half year old boy wanting to wear nappies.

Surely the pre school must be giving him intensive help. Some children have problems learning to speak, my son had professional help to learn how to walk. Its not about being a good or a bad parent. There are times in our lives when we need professional help.

MavisEnderby · 02/07/2010 20:38

this sounds a little unusual unless the child has sn.

dd is 4.6 and still in nappies,but she has neurological issues.I have tried earlier in the year to potty train with no sucess so I am going to try again in the summer hols.I would love to have her trained by September when she starts full time at special school but we shall see.

If anyone has any tips they would be gratefully received!

Bonsoir · 02/07/2010 20:40

I am very much of the school that you don't pressurise your DC unduly into acquiring new skills. However, I do believe that you have to introduce them to new skills and let them know what normal grown-up behaviour is, and it surprises me that a normal 4.6 year old isn't embarrassed to still be in nappies. I bet he'll learn to use the loo very quickly at school - peer pressure works wonders!

Original poster

lovechoc · 03/07/2010 15:13

Bonsoir I hope you're right about the peer pressure thing. Not sure he's got anything to be embarrassed about though, because he doesn't get the chance to mix with other children.

Yes, I agree that children should naturally learn new skills too, but come on, there has to be a balance aswell. It is also up to the parent to try and encourage some of these skills, not just sit back and hope for the best.

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dwpanxt · 03/07/2010 15:34

As an erstwhile reception teacher I have only ever had children with SN arrive in nappies. In my experience it is extremely unusual for a rising 5 year old to still need a nappy. Of course little children will still have accidents -that's the norm - and no big deal is made of it.

Reception classrooms usually have the nearest/attached toilets so it isn't a problem for them to pop out whenever they need. Long gone are the days when they have to wait for permission to go.

If a child without SM arrived in nappies it would ring alarm bells about the child's home life. As Bonsoir said , parents should be introducing new skills to help their child make their way in the world .

maxybrown · 07/07/2010 09:02

Is he not at preschool either then? Just wondered why they are deferring when he doesn't mix with other children? I have to say it all seems a bit odd if you don't mind me saying so. Poor little mite - do you think he has an SN? Oh sorry just re read and saw he is starting nursery after summer hols. As dwpanxt says - have never experienced a child starting school in nappies without any SN

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