distressed toddler holding it in

[queenbeebuzz]

Hi there
I?m really hoping someone can help. I?m trying to potty train my son who is a very bright 2 yrs 9 mths, he has a good understanding of what to do and has great vocabulary.

Essentially he hasn?t done ANYTHING in the potty since Friday ? the weekend was horrendous he refused to sit on the potty when he knew he needed to do something (we knew has he was hopping about all over the place) and just got more and more distressed and agitated as he was holding it in and holding it in. (eventually he sprays it all over the floor screaming ) He will still on the potty when he is sure there is nothing coming and has to be bribed to stay there (book reading etc.)
When he did do some tiny wee?s late last week we clapped and cheered ? he was delighted with himself and we gave him a reward ? but he seems to have forgotten how clever he was and no just says ?I don?t want to? when I ask him to sit on the potty.
I thought going to nursery would help (today and yesterday) ? peer pressure and going with his friends etc. but he wet pants all day and we came home with a bag full of trousers and pants :-(
He totally understands what it is all about, knows when he needs to go (he can tell me) but will not sit on the potty when he is desperate...just gets more and more agitated. Have tried the loo, and standing up ? won?t do that either.
I really think he is ready, he says he is a big boy and that the baby (I?m almost 7mths pregnant) wears nappies etc etc.
I really don?t know whether to press on or give up ? in which case it is going to have to wait until he is over 3 as I don?t want to do it on holiday in a couple of weeks and then it will be to close to the new baby arriving...
Any help or suggestions would be really appreciated. Has anyone else had this problem?
Thanks so much in advance
Gemma

Maybe put him back in pull ups for 2-3 weeks and keep offering the potty. Then try again. Just a few weeks break before starting it again can make a real difference. Make this the practice potty training and when you try again it should be a bit less stressful for him. I think you've got to break the cycle he's in you see.

Hi yes this is the exact problem we have with our twin daughters - holding in for hours - all day - and then eventual gush out after extremely stressful hour and screaming as you describe - I don't have the answer though sorry! Have just posted myself looking for help. We had to go into pull ups to take pressure off due to the extreme consequences of DDs holding it in. ERIC continence charity advised us to do this so they didn't get association of pain/ potty cemented in minds. No success yet though. I would say maybe there is a clue in his change of heart in him referring to the baby coming - perhaps in his mind he doesn't want to stop being your 'baby' and staying in nappies can seem like one way to stay that way i.e. to stay getting your full attention. Maybe you can move him beyond that with some chats about it all and lots of attention for other things plus telling him he'll always have special spot as number 1 child etc

I had this problem the first time I tried to potty train my ds (sounds similar to your ds, very good understanding and vocabulary at 2y 6m). He too could tell me when he could feel a pee pee coming but just got very distressed. At the end of day 2 I gave up for a while. For about 3/4 weeks after that we let him run round naked for 10 minutes before bath time and before he got dressed in the morning with the potty out and said "if you need to do a pee pee do it in the potty, but if you don't, it doesn't matter" and just left it at that. 7 out of 10 times he would go to the potty and pee in it. We are now back in full training swing and he is doing very well with his pees, he goes without telling us sometimes! We are having other issues (will only stand, doesn't want to poo in the potty) but it is clear that he just was not ready. Bring him to the toilet with you too so he can see you doing it. Hope that helps.

I agree with others that have said to put pull ups back on for a few weeks and ease up on the pressure. He will get it and he is still young so I wouldn'y worry that he is still in nappies at this stage.
I had similar problems with both my girls but there came a point when they both just got it.
I think you could offer the potty at bath time and in the mornings so he is reminded about it and read some books about using the potty with him. He will get it - no stress!