Potty trained since July but still won't go at nursery - what to do?

[wellieboot]

Hi, my DD is 2.10 and has been potty trained since July with virtually no accidents since day 1, however 3 months later she still point blank refuses to go at nursery in the potty or loo (will either hold it in all day or wet herself). Most of the nursery staff are really good and encourage her to sit on the potty, change her when she wets herself etc, although they do give her a nappy at lunchtime when she asks for one, but change her straight out of it again (or so they say), however the nursery manager insists on her wearing a nappy all day when she is in charge (this is the lady who also told me I was rushing my DD when I was potty training her at 2.7!?!). Really don't think this is helping i.e when I got home today I asked DD if she needed a wee and she said quite clearly (as if I was asking a stupid question) no, I've got a nappy on, I can do it in there! And didn't want to take it off. Have tried promising presents/stickers/sweets if she goes at nursery but nothing is working. From January she is moving up from the nursery into the pre-school room, maybe that will sort it out? Or should I just think whatever and ignore it?

Sorry for ranting post! Would love some advice, or to know if there is anyone else who has had this problem and if so what did you do and did it sort itself out eventually?

My dd's doing it the other way round (ie will use loo at nursery and not at home!) I'll be interested in any replies!

bump!

I'd ignore it for now (although would try requesting firmly again that your DD NOT be put in a nappy all day) and expect that it will probably sort itself out in the pre-school room.

First of all, you have to let the nursery manager know who's in charge. (It's you.) No putting your DD in a nappy unless you agree to it. Secondly, I suggest you stay with your DD and take her to the loo at nursery. Maybe don't let her go before you leave for nursery and say "Oh, we'll just do it at nursery when we arrive!" My DS has only pooed at nursery 3 times; twice with me and once the day after doing it with me, which was a Friday. He holds poo until he gets home, but your poor DD can't hold wee in all day. If you decide no more nappies for her at all, first make sure she'll wee at nursery with you and then discuss it with her. Be very matter of fact, like "oh don't be silly you know how to wee on the toilet!" and let her air her fear of why she won't wee at nursery. Good luck.

I think you need to sit down with the nursery manager and get to the bottom of why they are not supporting your decision. I would be thinking that they don't have enough time to deal with this issue and that would worry me. You need to be form about what you want to happen.

If you are saying she has had virtually no accidents at home, then they should be able to do their bit and develop this skill at nursery too.

Thanks for your replies! I spoke to the nursery manager yesterday who said that what they are trying to avoid is my DD not enjoying her day because she is in discomfort from holding wee in (she appears to have the bladder of an ox and can hold it in all day if she wants to). Hence the nappies at lunchtime has solved this problem as it is the only way she will go, but it is not ideal. She knows I absolutely do not want her in a nappy all the time. I have got her to go while I'm there a couple of times so that does work, will try doing it regularly. Nursery are saying that we need to make it a complete non-issue as she has just got a bee in her bonnet that she will not go there so being matter of fact is probably the best way forward. When she goes into pre-school they take themselves to the toilet rather than have to be taken so that might help. Thanks!