Three year old refusing to use potty

[Bobbinsmama]

My eldest son has turns three this week. We have been trying to toilet train him for about six months but can’t get him to use the potty or toilet, which we’ve bought a special seat for.

He knows when he needs to go and will tell us (every single time) ‘I’m going to poo/wee in my nappy’. To which we respond ‘would you like to use the toilet?’ and he says ‘no, I just want to do it in my nappy’ and will then go ahead and do it. We have offered him all sorts of bribes - a star chart, chocolates, toys but nothing works. He has even said it don’t believe in the toilet, sorry’! ha.

We have actually accidentally ended up toilet training our 8 month old as he showed in interest in the potty while we were encouraging eldest to use it so we thought maybe if we stopped trying to persuade DS1 to use it and instead focused on praising DS2 when he did this might make him jealous and want to compete (worked for me as a child with riding a bike).

Has anyone else been through this? Any advice on what we should be doing/not doing?

If he's not doing it after six months, just leave it for now. Try again in a few months.

What do we do when he asks ‘can I poo in my nappy?’ we have tried ignoring it but he will repeat it? Should we just reassure him that’s ok do you think?

I'm not sure what the right answer is but I would say yes, DS , if you want to. Leave the potty and little seat / step available and visible . As long as he is wearing a nappy it seems less stressful for him to just use that. You could let him choose some pants and from time to time ask him whether he would like to wear them. Once he does he will be trained, he clearly already is. I would say that when he agrees to pants the daytime nappies should be ditched. You can't train for nights you just have to wait until they are dry in the mornings. I don't think I would be encouraging your baby to be trained first , it might make your little boy defiant.

Hmmmmmm. Is there anything he really , really wants?!

My DS is the same
3 in a few weeks and we’ve been gently encouraging since Christmas but he’s just not ready or wanting to yet

Will put on hold for a month and try again

I'm not sure what the answer is but we have a similar problem with our 3.5yo DD! She'll use the loo occasionally but nothing seems to work so I'm leaving her for now. We've been through a bit of upheaval so we're going to wait until that's over before starting again.

I just wouldn’t make a big fuss, it sounds like he wants your reaction and fuss and asking him to use the toilet or potty. He had a new brother when you started 6 months ago and has found a way of ensuring he is getting your full attention at a time when he was learning to share you.

So from now if he says he is having a wee or poo just simply say ok and see it makes him think that actually if he uses the toilet then he k Got get some lovely fuss that way instead.

he might get*

Put everything away. Don't talk about it, don't mention it. Leave it three weeks and try again. Step up to toilet with a seat on toilet in a nice colour, no potty.

Also by not making a fuss and offering bribes then if he genuinely isn’t ready you aren’t making potty training into a big deal. It’s not worth making it into a battle.

He's not ready.
If he wants to use his nappy, that's fine. When he's done, just clean him up.
The less fuss you make - positive or negative, the more space you give him to make progress.

Ok, thanks everyone for your advice :) we are going to stop pushing it and maybe try again in another three months.

DS2 (the 8 month old) has now not used his nappy for over a week...so I guess we carry on letting him use the potty? I mean, 8 months is really, really young but it seems to have happened already?!

Hi we had the same issue with DS. Tried and tried with no luck. Now he's fully trained just before his fourth bday and in the end we pretty much left it up to him. He's even dry at night. Wait it out op. He'll get there!

That's amazing with the 8 month old. I would also keep making a fuss on the 8mth when 3yr is present. Saying wow you're such a big boy/girl using the potty. You're so clever.

Keep the 8 month old out if nappies. Praise the Baby.

But DI NOT compare the children. By saying thing's like "oh look DS3, Baby can use the potty, why don't you try?" Or similar

Have you tried not putting a nappy on him, and no pants, no trousers? You may find this might work.

8 month old potty trained?

I’d take the nappy off the three year old and put him in underpants. You might have a week of him having accidents on the floor but he will prefer to go to the toilet instead soiling him self.

My kids never used a potty

I find that really odd regarding the 8 month old being dry. Babies younger than 12 months have no bladder control and very little till they are 18 months. Are they drinking enough?

Well generally you start potty training by having the child naked on the bottom half.

Recommend "oh crap" method. You don't need to buy the book unless you want to, can just google for a summary.

My daughter was the same. She'd built up a whole fear of potties and toilets. I brought lots of little "surprises" and wrapped them up and put them in a box. I didn't say anything about it until she asked what the box was for. I told her that she could choose something out of the box to unwrap for using the toilet. The first wee got a prize then it was for poos only. It took her a day to use the toilet for a poo. She pooed 6 times one day..

Have you tried the Oh Crap method where you stop using nappies during the day?

We had a similar experience, but rather than a younger sibling toilet training, with us it was the dog.
He saw ds getting so much praise and excitement he started weeing on the toilet (literally on it, but as he is so tall most went into the pan and some on it and around it) took us a while to figure out it was him making a mess in the loo and not one of the DC missing the toilet. Dog now banned from upstairs to stop him.

Bubblysqueak oh my days that’s really made me laugh!!!

I really wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen him do it. He really did look pleased with himself and slightly confused that he didn't get the same reaction as when dc went to the toilet!