Toilet refusing 3 year old HELP PLEASE

[ElleyBear13]

Potty training nightmare with 3 year old please please help- We went completely no nappy during the day (6am-6pm) on the 10th September - straight into big boy pants as advised by the HV (we’ve been attempting potty training since he turned 2 with little success - he can & has used the toilet on his own ) The HV told us we’d see a huge improvement in his behaviour if he’s potty trained- we’ve been seeing the HV monthly since he was 18 months old as he finds loud busy places overwhelming alongside bathtime, hair brushing / cutting and has lots of meltdowns / tantrums which I find difficult to manage and they’re still on going (at 3.3) . The first five days I took him to the loo every 15 minutes & physically put him onto the toilet (this was really hard to keep up with a 5month old in tow )we had only 1 or 2 poop accidents this way -so then reduced to every hour, then every couple of hours but constantly reminding him to go himself or ask mummy & daddy. We have a potty in every room of the house.He’s now having 5-6 wet accidents a day & pooping has reduced to one big poop a week (yesterday it was smeared on the sofa, carpets, hallway !) now he’s screaming / biting / hitting/ head butting if I try to put him onto a toilet or potty but refuses to go himself. He won’t tell me when he needs to go and will sit in wet / soiled clothes for hours - Bribery, chocolate buttons, New toys, new pants, choosing your potty, choosing your pants, YouTube videos, apps, books, big song & dance praises, seeing his friends go to the toilet, role playing with teddies, toilet humour don’t seem to be working he’s actually regressing backwards and I have no idea what we are meant to do now 😩 any suggestions?

Personally, and I'll probably have others disagree with me, but I'd say he's not ready.
Put him back in nappies and wait another 2 months then try again.
Putting a child on the loo every 15 minutes isn't training them it's just keeping their bladder empty so they never recognise the need to pee, or it's just catching the wee by chance.
He's not ready - just wait til he is.

Agree with that chips. Just put him back in nappies and tell him only big boys wear pants and use the toilet. Babies wear nappies. Tbh my 5yo dgs still has accidents!

Have you seen a paediatrician or specialist about his sensory issues?
Sounds like he's not ready and it's causing him upset. He sounds a bit like my DS and we're still working on it a bit older!
Try really small steps. E.g. get him to get his nappy changed in the bathroom. Once he's used to that get him to wash his hands in there. Then get him to sit on the toilet etc. Picture stories with pictures of him doing each stage of the process might also help.

I think I'd be pushing for a paediatric referral due to concerns over his sensory issues and just forget about potty training for the moment. I really don't want to put 2 and 2 together and make 5, but is there any possibility he could be on the autistic spectrum? I hope he's just a late developer or using this as a method of controlling you/winding you up, but it might be helpful to rule some things out before pressing on in the face of his seemingly extreme resistance to potty training.

Sounds like he isn't ready. My DD tried potty training her DD1 at 2years and 5 months and she got really stressed and put her back in nappies. They tried again 4 months later and she got it right away. Generally she takes herself off to the toilet and we only remind her before going out. Hardly any wet accidents although she won't use the toilet for pooing in.

Get him referred for the sensory issues. My son is on the autism spectrum and hates noise, baths, hair brushing plus much more. My son was also terrified of the toilet right up till he started school, but did use a potty. Don't force him to keep trying for now. Reduce demands and allow him time as constantly pushing can cause further anxiety and thereby refusals.

It's not worth the angst, op. I reckon your ds is picking up on all the tension surrounding this. I agree he's just not ready, and you have a 5 month old. It's not going to make for the relaxed atmosphere you need for successful potty training! Put him in trainer pants, and take a step back for a bit. Just be matter of fact "we'll try another time" - don't let him feel that you're disappointed or cross.

He may also still be getting used to not being your 'baby' any more. It can be quite difficult for some children to adjust to their new position in the family when a sibling arrives. Maybe he just wants reassurance that he is still your baby, and isn't quite ready to be a big boy yet? Potty training has to fit in with the stage he's at and your family circumstances, not someone else's theories.

Fwiw, none of my 3 ds were properly trained (esp. poos) till 3.5/4. They're all well-adjusted adults/teens now! And how I wish I hadn't got so stressed with the first two (I'd learnt my lesson by number 3!) - ds2 continued to wait till he got home and put on trainer pants for poos well into Reception. Good luck, op. It will happen, just not according to someone else's timetable!