Potty training - give up?

[Lauraclay1]

Hi
My daughter is 3 years old (plus one week!). She starts school September 2018. We have had her in knickers for 4 days now with not a single scrap of progress. She knows what the toilet/potty is for, she knows what goes in it. She likes to sit on the loo and flush the chain but when it comes to using it for its real reason she is defiant and quite happy to wee on the floor or poo in her knickers. She ignores the potty. After a wee she casually says she has wee'd on the floor. I regularly ask her to go and bribe her to sit on the potty for a length of time. Nothing. She simply cannot be bothered. We went out and I put her in knickers and then a pull up over the top - figured the pull up would soak up the accident but the knickers would be wet and uncomfortable. Nothing. Was quite happy in damp. Would you give up and try again once this episode is forgotten? Or keep persisting. We have sticker charts, lots of praise - all the usual things, but nothing. Not a sausage. Help!

Give it a break. She doesn't sound ready.

Does she go to nursery? Sometimes keeping up with the others helps. Realistically you've got a whole year to get her dry, my DD was dry in a week once she was ready. Give it a break until she's asking (or it's a bit more urgent after Easter next year).

Whose decision was it to start? If the answer is anything but "hers" then stop and wait till she's wanting to do it.

You are right. Think I'll just drop it for now and forget this episode and then try again. Part of me can see it's just her strong willed defiance, part of me thinks if she wants to be like that then I'm never going to win her round.

She is not being defiant!
She simply isn't ready
It's not a battle ffs

And who made you the worlds best parent? I was only after some simple advice, not an attack.

I was just feeling sorry for your daughter
And hate to see children labelled as naughty or defiant when they have no control over their bodies and are just being children as behaving perfectly naturally

You probably feel you didn't deserve my commemt, equally I feel your daughter doesn't deserve to be labelled defiant for something which is beyond her control

Hi, I'd leave it and try again in a few months if I was you. Look into the Oh Crap potty method when you feel she's more ready, it worked well for my three year old. The idea is for them to be bare bottomed for a while because apparently knickers can feel like wearing a nappy as they're close fitting. After doing that for a while you can progress to loose boxer shorts or wearing baggy trousers with no knickers underneath. Then finally knickers when she seems to have got the hang of it. Good luck :)

DS was dry as soon as he announced at 2 y and 8m that "big brothers don't wear nappies" (his words not mine)

We tried DD1 when 2y2m and she wasn't ready, however, 2 months later she cracked it. If they aren't ready then give it a bit longer and try again.

insancerre I would also prefer it if you didn't lump individual parents together as stereotypes, and we don't deserve your undertoned swearing when we have decided to ask other parents how they deal with it, only to be met by a parent who thinks they know best. We know our own children.

Everyone else, thank you for your constructive comments and helpful advice. I will look into the methods as suggested and the pull ups are back on!

Yeah, just relax, and try again in a month or two.

They get it really fast when they're ready. Promise! Both mine were dry in under 72 hours after a couple of false starts.

Stressing and forcing it just makes it unbearable for you and them.

Have to say I feel slightly relieved to take the step away from it. She starts nursery more this week. I'll ask them to just take her to the loo when one of her friends goes so she sees it happening and she may want to join them then.

Thank you x

She sounds a bit like my DD, who is now 7. At about 3, we had done all the getting used to potty and sitting on the toilet, but she still didn't want to do it, even though she could. Then, we were just about to go out for a family meal out, and she found some sparkly shoes that I had previously bought in the sale and put away until they fit her. I just very casually told her she couldn't wear them, as they were big girl shoes, and big girls wear pants and do their wees in the toilet. She immediately said OK I want to wear pants, and that was it! I was a little nervous as we were going out to a restaurant, but she was fine!

Which is all a very long way of saying that sometimes they can do it, but choose not to, and just need something to give them the extra push or incentive.

Is there any thing your DD would like to do or have that you could use as a reward or incentive for when she is being a clever, big girl?

You have made me feel so much better. I know she can (in an encouraging but not pushy way). She watches me do it, her sister do it. She tells me what it's for. But it did cross my mind this morning about breaking things down into what little girls can do and what are for big girls. Will have a good think and see what might just help her along! Thanks x