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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

My toddler just isn't getting potty training. Help!

22 replies

KitKat1985 · 11/08/2017 07:59

DD1 is 3 next month. Most of her peers seem to be potty trained by now (bar the odd accidents etc) so I am (yet again) trying to potty train her. We did try about 3 month ago but put it on hold after a fortnight as she hadn't got it at all. And sadly, this time isn't really going any better. We have a system that we sit her on the potty as much as possible. On the odd occasion when she has been sat on the potty a long time (normally when she's been watching TV or looking at a book) she has done a fluke wee on the potty. On those occasions we've made a huge fuss of her, and given her a sticker. We tell her she's done really well and then get her to sit on the potty every 20 mins or so and tell her if she does a wee or poo on the potty she will get another sticker. But she's just not doing it and wetting herself instead in-between potty visits, , to which I'm responding with 'never mind, next time lets try to wee on the potty instead' type statements. We've tried using regular knickers as well as pull-ups, and different pottys etc (her most recent one is shaped like a toilet and even sings as soon as she pees in it ). I've even tried repeatedly showing her her favourite toys using the potty (I.E, I hover them over the potty and tip a bit of water in there when she looks away, and then make a huge fuss of the toy and give the toy a sticker). We've watched videos aimed at children as well about potty training. But it's making no difference. Help! What am I doing wrong? I feel like banging my head against the wall. To be fair a teething DD2 who likes to get up at 5am every day and trying to sell our house isn't helping

I've tried talking to other mums I know but am tending to get 'oh my DD / DS picked it up in a couple of days, so I don't really know what to suggest' type responses.

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Ginfernal · 11/08/2017 08:04

She doesn't sound ready! To be honest, the more you push the potty (every 20min is loads) then the more averse a child becomes. Once you decide, switch to pants only in the day and leave the pull ups and she'll have the sensation of wetness so might prompt using the potty

Lovelongweekends · 11/08/2017 08:13

It sounds like she's not ready yet. Dd1 trained at 2.5yrs, dd2 didn't become trained until 3.5yrs, she just wasn't ready but then one day something seemed to click and she was fully dry day and night within two days.
Beforehand she seemed to have no idea of when she needed to wee but then she started jiggling when she needed to go and that was when we realised she was ready!!

MollyHuaCha · 11/08/2017 08:14

Sounds like you are already doing everything you can. Hope it works out soon.

Isadora2007 · 11/08/2017 08:16

She isn't ready.
Just because her peers are, doesn't mean she isn't. If their teeth all begin to fall out age 5/6 and hers don't will you pull them out? It makes as much sense as what you're doing now.
Potty sitting is not training. There's no such thing really. She needs to be toilet aware- noticing she is peeing then noticing the feeling before that. If you're around the house and don't mind a few puddles ask if she wants to wear pants and see if she can learn that feeling. Personally I'd wait til after her birthday and watch for readiness then. It's not a race. She will be out of nappies in her own time.

Mol1628 · 11/08/2017 08:24

I think you're trying too hard. No pants or clothing waist down for a few days. There's the potty if you need a wee. If she does it then praise, not obsessively you might be putting too much pressure on. Just say well done clever girl then carry on.
I've never understood the putting them on the potty every 20 minutes or whatever. They should get on it when they feel they're about to wee.

Iris65 · 11/08/2017 08:28

Put the potty away until later in the year. I was criticised for leaving potty training quite late for my son. He was potty trained in less than a week. 😀

OverOn · 11/08/2017 08:34

She's not ready - it's ok to stop and try again later on. One of mine was 3.5 and got it straight away. I'd tried a few times before then but just wasn't ready.

Hoppinggreen · 11/08/2017 08:37

Agree that she's not ready
If she was it would be much easier to do it.
Age of coming out of nappies has no relation to development or intelligence so don't worry about it. Once my 2 showed an interest it took about a week for them to be out of nappies both day and night ( bar an occasional accident)
Also, neither of mine used a potty, DD did about once but then wanted to use the toilet and DS wouldn't go within 6 feet of a potty

autumnboys · 11/08/2017 08:43

She's not ready. I would just leave it. DS3 was 3.5 when he trained and I really struggled with it being so late, but he just wasn't ready. When he was, it was done in a few days, dry day and night. Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate with other things, so maybe give both of you a break.

Mummyoftwo91 · 11/08/2017 08:50

Agree with other posters that she might not be ready! With my two it was cold turkey nappy off, toilet or nothing seemed to work in a few days for my dc's, always made sure I stayed close to home for those first days just so I could give it all my attention. Have you tried a step and a little seat for the toilet? Pottys are quite alien to a child when they see parents and Siblings using the toilet

Original poster

KitKat1985 · 11/08/2017 08:56

Thank you for your replies. I know it sounds a bit silly but you've actually made me feel quite tearful (with relief). I do suffer a bit with anxiety and I've been feeling really conscious about other people thinking I'm doing a crap job because she's not toilet trained yet. It doesn't help that MIL has previously expressed to me that she feels that the only reason kids aren't toilet trained by the time they are three is because of parental laziness, so I know I'm getting judged a bit by her. It's actually therefore quite a relief to hear other parents say 'she's not ready' because deep down I know you are right, and I'm pushing it for all of the wrong reasons. It probably doesn't help that she has some speech delay, which despite me raising concerns about for more than a year (and getting fobbed off with 'she'll be talking loads soon, don't worry') has only recently been properly checked out and she has hearing issues in her left ear, which is impacting on her language development. She is improving but she certainly couldn't say to me yet 'I need a wee' or similar. So thank you for your replies.

OP posts:

BucketFullOfDinosaurs · 11/08/2017 08:59

You have my sympathy- we're going through the same thing with DS. Personally I don't think he's quite ready, but DH is insisting that he must be because his friends are potty trained now.

DH is happy to keep plonking him on the loo every half hour, so I'm letting him get on with it (it doesn't bother DS). This has been going on for 6 weeks now, and DS still just wees when he feels like it.

Thankfully DH is back to work soon (has been off while waiting for a new job to start). I'm going to get advice from his teachers when DS starts playgroup, but I suspect they'll say to stick him in a nappy for playgroup and try again at half term.

Enidblyton1 · 11/08/2017 09:06

Please don't worry about it - she just doesn't sound ready. My DD1 didn't get it until she was nearly 3. My DD2 was 2.5. My Dniece was 3.5. I expect she'll be ready at some point in the next 6 months, but as a parent you have little control over it

Aebj · 11/08/2017 09:17

Don't worry about it. She will get there. If you are planning on moving ,have you involved her. ?Make sure she understands that she is coming with you and so are all her toys!
Talk about the houses you visit and like. When you are a big girl and move to this house this is where you can go to the toilet.
Wait until you've moved

Original poster

KitKat1985 · 11/08/2017 09:19

Thanks everyone.

Aebj we don't have a buyer yet, so the actual 'moving' part is a long way off yet, so it doesn't seem worth talking to her about it now, but we will definitely talk to her about it nearer the time.

OP posts:

Aebj · 11/08/2017 09:29

BetterEatCheese · 11/08/2017 09:32

My dd decided herself at 3.4 that she wanted to ditch the nappy and was dry at night too 2 weeks later. She just wasn't ready before that

TheWeeWitch · 11/08/2017 11:30

Poor you copping it from MIL. My mum has "things to say" about children who aren't toilet trained early enough. She thinks it's because we all use disposable nappies now and kiddies therefore can't feel when they are wet like they could "in her day" when they wore cloth nappies.

My DS wasn't ready for ages, despite us trying every now and again. When he was ready it all happened really quickly. Be patient, wait for your little girl to be ready and try to shrug off the criticism in the meantime

Original poster

KitKat1985 · 11/08/2017 12:30

Thank you everyone. I've put DD back in a nappy and going to give it a go again in a couple of months. Thank you. xx

OP posts:

Mol1628 · 11/08/2017 13:47

Your OP didn't say she had language and speech delay, otherwise I wouldn't have suggested just carrying on!
Good luck with it all :)

BelfastSmile · 11/08/2017 15:48

@TheWeeWitch my son is in cloth nappies and hasn't trained yet; his cousin (same age, in disposables) trained ages ago. DS just doesn't care about feeling wet.

InDubiousBattle · 11/08/2017 15:56

My ds is 3.8 and we're just potty training him now. We had 2 previous attempts 3 and 6 months ago where he was still weeing whenever and wherever after 2 days of training, both time we just put the nappies back on and left it. This time he's more or less cracked it in two days. Imo it's better to wait until they're really ready. Several friends of mine pushed potty training (for some reason I've never understood!)and had weeks on end of wet clothes and poo filled pants.

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