Potty trained at nursery but refuses to try for me specifically

[lucyTHORNTON8]

Hi,

I have been trying to potty train my son for over 4 months now and don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. Just when I was ready to give up and put him back to nappies, I found out he is brilliant at nursery and most of the time just takes himself off to the potty independently. He refuses to go, usually partly wets himself and won't go himself.for me. He won't even pull his trousers up or down which again is brilliant at for nursery. He's done it once for my husband independently and we even tested me going out the room when we knew he needed it and just kept refusing. He then went as soon as I was out of the room.
What can I do? I spent most days with him so how can I get him to treat me like he does nursery and why is he so and for me?

Hi
Can your son go independently at your house, maybe on the potty in a different room?
Go OTT on rewards, but they only come from you not you OH.
Find out the routine at nursery and try to mimic that.
I'd show him where it is then leave him to it, praising when you see evidence or he tells you.

Thanks for responding. The only difference I think is that they can see the nursery potty from where they r whereas mine has always been in the bathroom next door. So should I be bringing the potty into the room we r in so he can constantly see it? He just seems to refuse to go for me.even saying no when I have sat him on it and he starts weeing! He's never once done it independently for me, once for my husband but quite often at nursery or tells they key worker when he needs it. I'm on a sticker chart now which he is meant to get when he tells me he needs a wee bit that doesn't seem to motivate him anymore.

I'd bring it in the main room out of sight. I'd only ever ask him to go if there's something in it for him (go and have a wee and we'll go to the park).
Other than that I'd leave him to it, they usually have much bigger bladders than you'd think.

It seems to be more of a cycle of him not wanting to do what you're telling him, so leave him to it-he wees, tells you and gets a treat or he wets himself.

I feel your pain. It took my ds about a year before he would reliably tell me he needed to go so don't beat yourself up, this is more common than you think. Also at nursery apparently going to the toilet is quite a group activity and children often follow others (or so our nursery said), so maybe it's more this than actually knowing he needs a wee. I would completely stop asking him if he needs to go ad mayne he isn't fully aware until the last minute. However if he hasn't used the potty in around 2 hours then insist he sits on it and tries. Make this non negotiable then lots of praise for sitting and even more if he does a wee. Up the treats factor too - 3 stickers gets a chocolate type of thing so there is more incentive . As said above, insist he sits on the potty before going out to do anything fun (sorry ds, we can't go to the park til you've had a wee, it's your choice type of thing). Also make wetting himself quite dull and time consuming e.g. he has to put his wet things in the sink/washing machine and go to his room to get new clothes - even if he isn't capable of doing this all by himself insist he 'helps' you rather than gets to play whike your run around. And try and do all this while being incredibly calm and relaxed! You will get there eventually so stick with it.

Thanks for your advice both! I will keep on persisting. I think you are right, I need to stop asking him and hassling him and just let him learn even if it does take many accidents. Good call on making the changing process long and boring!

Hi, I think I've reached the incredibly hard decision to stop potty training for a while and put him back in nappies. Which pains me after 5 months but I've reached the pt where im resenting him and unable not to react as I know he does it at nursery but deliberately won't do it for me which hasnt changed in the past month despite all the different approaches I've tried. I'm also 9 months pregnant so I'm now worried about being at loggerheads with.him as well as a new baby coming which just isn't fair on him.
I spoke to a health advisor about it a month ago and then they had told me to stop for a bit.
My husband is disappointed but I just see it making me and my son miserable most of the day. :-(.
Any advice how to explain to my little boy why we r stopping?