DS refusing even to sit on potty or toilet. Any ideas?

[BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte]

DS is 2.9, and is REFUSING to even sit on the potty or toilet, even with a toddler seat.

He very clearly has the bowel and bladder control necessary as when in nappies he always runs behind DM's bed () to wee or poo, even if we're out in the garden or busy with another activity. Since I've put him into pants, he simply takes himself whenever necessary to the very same spot to have his "accident" there on the floor. I've tried keeping a potty there waiting for him, but he moves it out of his way before weeing/pooing on the floor. I've tried intercepting him at the bedroom doorway and grabbing him mid-stream to manhandle him onto the potty - but he just refuses, refuses to sit down.

Do I need to put him down a litter tray???

He's not ready and all the cajoling is likely to make the loo/potty even more aversive. Take the pressure off. 2.9 is on the younger side of average for boys IMO. Is there a reason why you're so keen for your DS to be potty trained?

Leave it until he is at least 3, maybe older for a boy, and seems willing, then bribe the hell out of him. Don't mention it until then. Honestly, they get there at pretty much the same time and it is so much less stressful all round. Just search on any of the thousands of threads on here about the same thing!

Give up and wait till he asks to do it? Bribery? Chocolate works a treat.... Does he go to nursery? Could he do it there?

DS2 was like this at the same sort of age, but it took another several months before he suddenly declared (last week, age 3.5) that he'd wear pants tomorrow, and it's been a quick and painless process because he was properly ready and the initiative came from him.

yep, wait. I had a couple of aborted potty training attempts with DS. The last one (before the time that worked) ended with him crapping on the carpet, me asking him 'do you want to be potty trained?', and him saying 'No'.

The time that worked, he was 3.2. I put in quite a lot of ground work, bought some books to read with him about potty training, bought some highly desirable tractor stickers to be dispensed for each successful bowel/bladder movement, and generally got him as excited as I could about becoming a 'big boy'.

good luck!

Thanks for the advice. Certainly, I will wait. There's no particular reason for needing him potty trained just yet except that he's now older than DD was...

I'm not sure I agree at all that 2.9 is too young - it sounds quite old to me, tbh (although I know that this is how things seem to be tending these days). And it seems that it isn't bowel/bladder control that is the issue here, but actually using the toilet/potty. It strikes me that this is more of a power struggle, so you need to try to change this.

Have a talk with your son. Tell him that you understand he doesn't like using the potty or toilet, but that is where wees and poos belong. You don't mind which one he uses, but each time he uses one of those successfully (i.e. toilet or potty), he can have a reward. Up to you what the reward should be - stars on a reward chart, chocolate buttons or whatever would appeal to your son. You could ask him what he would like.

Stop reminding him - in fact, tell him you aren't going to remind him any more because he is a big boy now, and he knows where wees and poos belong, doesn't he? Lots of praise and a reward when he gets it right. Minimal fuss when he gets it wrong. I think he'll soon get the idea that there is no point going in the wrong place any more because he won't get a reaction and he'll miss out on a reward.

Absolutely agree with PP. There is a lot of nonsense talked about readiness to potty training. The thought process should be - can they physically do it? If the answer is yes, you need to help him, not relinquish all responsibility to the child. It does require commitment on your part and I would advise staying in or pretty close to home for a few days! Lots and lots of praise for other things as well will help to take all the focus off potty training and hopefully put him in a co-operative, confident mood!

Good luck!

But Cavell and crazy, why bother? You can have a constant battle and floors covered in piss and shit, or you can wait until your DC is ready, and do the whole thing painlessly.

A child in nappies is really easy compared to them being not really potty trained but you pretending they are and spending your whole life watching their body language and/or cleaning your carpets.

Why should it be a battle?