Is DS just going to have accidents for ever? <cries>

[koalacube]

He's 4 next month and we started gentle (due to few month old baby sibling at the time) potty training about a year ago. He was full time pant wearing by the time he went to nursery in January.

He really hates stopping what he's doing to go to the toilet and will often wait till the very last second, or until me/DH/nursery teacher spots him wriggling and dancing.

Most accidents are small 'just didn't quite make it for a wee' types. He can go up to a few weeks with no accidents, then the novelty seems to wear off.

Today is a new record I think. 3 accidents before nursery, 2 while there and one after he got home. There are not enough trousers in the world.

He has pants with his favourite characters and we have used bribery sticker charts with temporary success.

He has very sensitive skin and it's making him quite irritated having wee on his skin at nursery, where it's likely to be there for longer.

His nappy is still quite wet in the morning, so we haven't attempted nappy free then.

Any tips for the absent-minded and 'busy' toilet avoider?

Thanks in advance :)

You will probably get a lot of replies along the lines of 'Just keep asking him all the time/he's only a baby/reward etc etc'

But to be honest, if it was me, I'd make sure he doesn't currently have a bladder infection (as that's a lot of times in one day) and after that has been ruled out - tell him that you have had enough of this, that he is old enough to not be wetting himself all the time and it's making you very cross. Be very firm.

If it happens again I would really tell him off. He's 4, he's ignoring it because he doesn't want to stop playing, he is old enough and been dry long enough to know when he needs to go and he needs to learn that it's not acceptable to just ignore it until he wets himself.

... and of course & for you!!

I'm thinking his bladder is probably ok as he has been okish the rest of the week (1/2 accidents if any) but will maybe see about getting him checked out next week.

I am probably too much of a softy to really go nuts at him , but I do feel like we are making it too easy for him somehow - there are no consequences for not going when he knows he needs IYSWIM.

Cheeky bump as it's a bit quiet on here.

No accidents before I left for work at lunchtime.... We had a wee chat about how he was a big boy and had to stop playing for wees etc.

Reinstated a sticker chart with stickers for going by himself and for keeping pants dry...

C'mon DS1!

I sympathise (and was actually thinking of starting a thread too). Ds2 is 3.5. He was dry just after 2 but had a uti last October and has never been consistently dry since. He does seem to have red blood cells in his wee but it is negative for infection. We can get through 8 pairs of pants in one day. Seeing the wet and dry clinic in 2 weeks but was advised to look on ERIC website beforehand. I have found it useful. I try not to get cross as I do think there's a medical aspect to our difficulties. Does your Ds get himself changed when wet? Ds2 does it entirely on his own (inc. wipe, wet stuff into washing machine..) and it uses up his playing time (and made sure it wasn't for attention). Maybe this would help?

Not for ever, no, but it will feel like it. DD3 is just the same- 4 in a fortnight and still peeing liberally in her pants. Her 3 older siblings were all the same, in fact despite remarkably high intelligence they were none of them reliably dry in the daytime until they were 6 or 7. DDs 1 & 2 came home from school with stinky wet pants every day until year 3.

I have decided to be zen about it and just keep washing but not very deep down I am as anxious about this child as I was about the previous ones. She's starting school in a few weeks for pete's sake!

chipping- DD1 had a huge battery of tests when she was 3 and it showed absolutely nothing wrong. DD3 appears to need to wee every 20 mn so my guess is she's just resentful of the amount of time toileting takes up. She must have a minuscule bladder and only growing is going to help with that I suspect.

We help him with a wash (due to the sensitive skin) but send him off to get his own clean pants etc on. I always forget to get him to put the wet stuff in the washing though, I usually do it myself/DH does it while he goes for his wee.

He does always wee a lot of times a day though.

all by the way :)

I think the frequency suggests an overactive bladder, which my two definitely have. The website taught me a lot. Double gliding definitely helps - having two wees at a time to make sure they've emptied fully (or taken enough time to finish - I've banned standing up wees for now).

I'd try upping his fluids and perhaps introducing a timetable of toilet trips with a reward for each time he sticks to it?

We had similar problems with ds1 in reception and year 1 (after he had been dry before) and that is one of the things the eneuresis clinic suggested. Get nursery or school involved with it as well.

Make sure you are rewarding the behaviour you want (ie the toilet trips) and not the result (the dry pants) He is in control of the behaviour but not necessarily the result.

Have a look at ERIC definitely - their advice is really helpful. And if it doesn't improve then I don't want to worry you but I'd mention it to your GP. I wish I had done it much sooner - the solution for ds didn't involved drugs or anything - but it really helped to get that medical support. It can take quite a while to have any effect though.

Called home to say night night, he's done ok with DH asking him to go lots - one tiny damp bit all afternoon / evening apparently. :)

He drinks quite well, but maybe we get distracted with the wee one and don't keep an eye on it between meals so much!

His favourite teacher does tend to be good at reminding him and keeping an eye on him. I don't get a chance to do many pick ups/drop offs and speak to her myself though as I work FT with random hours. He won't be at schoo till this time next year, so just has his 15 hours a week nursery.

Sorry, for double gliding, read double voiding! Bloomin' predictive text!

Was just going to start a thread about my 3.5yr old dd, as we're at our wits' end, but I've just read this one and have found some really useful tips, thanks all!

In particular the point pp made about rewarding the behaviour, not the result- we've just had to resort to sticker charts (again!), so I'll remember to do that. Also I'm going to start getting dd to change herself, as currently we do it for her and I think she likes the attention...

Will have a look at the ERIC website now.

koalacube I hope your ds is continuing to make progress!

Not much consolation I know but my ds1 took 2 or 3 years to be pretty much totally reliable during the day (night time is another matter!). It's definitely worth persisting with plenty of fluids (preferably water). Too many trips to the loo can be counter-productive as it doesn't help improve bladder capacity (important for night-time dryness and for the daytime too - who wants to be stopping every half hour for a toilet trip?).

TBH, I think age and maturity help loads - it honestly will improve gradually. Don't despair, but you may have to be patient.

But also keep in mind that this apparent deterioration may be due to an infection.

Thank you for this thread - having big issues with DD. She is younger than the other children here (turning 3 in a few days, so we fortunately have 2 more years before school to get this right!) but she easily potty trained very early (at 2.1) and was dry for nearly 3 months with barely any accidents. Since then she has got progressively worse and is now wetting all day, maybe with the occasional success. We've had 8 months of this now. She will mostly be dry if she is naked although still has occasional dribble sometimes, but if wearing pants she will pretty much always wet - sometimes a little, sometimes a lot.

She had a UTI a month ago but is clear now and it still goes on. Managed a full dry day last week for the first time in months (we did nothing different) but since then has barely had a success :(

I'm going to focus on rewarding the behaviour - that's a really good idea. And will go and check out the eric website

Sorry I did mean to come back and reply, honest

We are not a huge amount further on tbh.

He will be fine for a while, then we will have days with a huge accident at nursery and more wee ones at home.

I have changed him from wearing nappies at night to 'night time pants' (night pull up things) and am encouraging him to wee before bed and when he wakes up. I know he was happily weeing in the nappy after his story and in the morning when he woke and I didn't think it would help the daytime habits. He's still weeing in his sleep I think so not worrying about night time dryness.

I have had limited success in reminding him how long it takes to get dry clothes, get a wash, put wet clothes away etc, compared to just going for a wee!

He is having slighly less accidents than he was but still rubbish at going/asking to go by himself so we are forced to remind him if we see him squirm/it has been ages.

He only asks if naked actually. If he is in the bath or just out and getting dried. Maybe we should give up on clothes and turn up the heating. . .

17mo DS2 always tells me when he is doing a wee or a poo in his nappy. I am going to pretend that this means he will love potty training and be dry in 2 nanoseconds day and night.