Advice for potty training DS please

[SomebodySaveMe]

DS is 3.4 and last Monday decided to wear pants. I work at nursery with him so we've been toileting him sometimes with accidents and sometimes successfully.

The last couple of days he's been a pain to try and get to sit on the toilet and try to wee. He won't stand either and gets very worked up.

Does anyone have a way I can convince him to at least try the toilet? The threat of being put in girls knickers or a nappy doesn't work!

Has he got a favourite toy who could sit beside him on the potty while he sits on the toilet? You could get him to 'teach't teddy how to do it and rewards if he does? Can you read him and teddy a story while he is being an example to teddy?

Definitely not threats! That way trauma lies. And I don't think it's at all a good idea to use girl knickers as a punishment!

My DS (2.11) seems to prefer not to make anything in the potty if he feels pressured to do so - he seems to have good enough bladder control to willfully keeps it all inside when it suits him (then of course wees himself when he gets distracted by lunch, or toys, etc and we have an accident).

Bribery seems to work (though we have learned not to give a sticker for every wee as he seems capable of letting it out a teaspoonfull at a time and demanding a sticker each time! - so he gets a sticker for every poo that goes in the potty and for every full day spent with dry pants)

He also seems to prefer to be left alone for it. The past three mornings (we're on about day 10 of pants) I have taken off his PJ trousers and night time nappy and had him in his room bare-bottomed playing with his trains with a potty right next to him. I reminded him about the rewards that he can get with successful potty use and then left the room and started getting myself dressed and organised - and each time after a few minutes I've heard him say "I made a poo" or "I made a wee" and he'll have done it in the potty and gets lots of praise. The previous mornings where I have tried to get him to sit on the potty and read story after story and made him stay there, he has sat there producing nothing for absolutely ages (at one point over the weekend DH asked him - "are you holding in the wee because you are liking all these stories" and he said "Yes!")

I'm a bit shocked that you WORK at a nursery and think it's okay to use threats when potty training, its should all be positive associations

Oh and not sure if you are using the word "toilet" as a general word encompassing both potties and grown-up-loo-with-a-child-seat but I discovered quite early on that my idea to skip the potty altogether and go straight to toilet-with-toddler-seat was doomed to failure - they can't go if they can't relax and a potty is much better than a full-sized toilet when you're that small.

Apologies if this is obvious and you were meaning potty all along!

Please tell me you're joking about threatening to put him in girl's knickers!?

It's not so much a threat but he was told he was on his last pair of pants and all that was left was a nappy or knickers. He has positive reinforcement when he tries but when he is deliberately mucking about he won't be rewarded for that.

Haven't tried books as we were going with its not something fun, it's something essential but will give it a go. He's been great today about going which has been a relief.

I see what you mean now - OK, phew!

I don't think the 3-year-old mind is very good at consequences that aren't very obviously "very good" or "very bad". They can cope with "do this or I will take the toy away/make you have a time out" and they can cope with "if you do this I will give you a sticker/a chocolate button". However, I think it's too subtle to say "if you do this mummy will have to do some extra laundry" or "if you don't do this you will not have any pants left" as that is expecting a level of foresight and maturity that is beyond them.

I think you do have to make it a bit fun, at first. Life is too distracting for a three-year-old to pay much attention to anything that isn't fun.

One of my friends with a younger DS has a cut-out picture of a pirate boat which she moves slowly along a picture of some blue sea with a treasure island at the other side for as long as her DS sits on the potty. (it's on a bit of blue tak and she moves it along a little bit once each minute). Sometimes the boat doesn't get anywhere near the island, but when it does (i.e. he has sat on the potty for 10 minutes) the pirates can dig for treasure (what he gets will depend on whether he made anything). A bit complex but it's got him sitting on the potty a bit each day at least!