3.9yo won't wear pull up at night but wets bed

[NevilleBarnes]

DS1 is 3.9 and potty trained around his third birthday. He was wearing a pull up at night but almost always woke up dry. He stopped using them but was wetting the bed 3 or 4 nights a week. I figured he wasn't ready so reintroduced pull ups. He just won't wear one. I tried a sticker chart, all the usual bribes/praise etc but nothing doing. I tried putting one on him once he was asleep which worked for a while, he started to say at bedtime "put my pull up on when I'm asleep". Last night he woke in the night, took his pull up off and then wet the bed. I'm fed up now of the constant bed-stripping and washing. Also concerned about the cost of wasted pull ups alongside washing machine on every day. I have a DD who is now 6 and was happily in pull ups til she was 4, then chose to stop using them once she was ready. I now have 4 month old DS2 so could really do without DS1 getting me up at 2am every night.
I am happy for him to use pull ups at night forever if that's what he wants. I took him shopping, we bought "big boys pyjama pants", pull ups with every design imaginable. Still no joy.

DH works very hard, long hours and physical job, often away. He is brilliant but not always here. He has spent the last few hours in the spare bed with a wriggling, snoring DS1 while I entertain DD and DS2.

Does anyone have any tips or advice for me? Bear with me, been a rough night between baby and DS1, trying to breastfeed baby and comfort a wet, crying 3yo whilst trying not to wake DD leaves me a bit frazzled.

To be honest, I'd get some incontinence pads and make him sleep on them. Rightly or wrongly I think at that age, when you've tried the carrot approach with no success, it's time to tell him that if he doesn't wear his pullup then he doesn't get tv/has a favourite toy removed/misses out on something.

It's not unusual when there is a new baby for potty training regression to happen but also some kids are not dry at night at 4. Please don't get all stressed out about this. I explained to DD about the body producing a hormone to stop wee being made at night and sometimes it doesn't make enough and that's why we wear pull ups 'just in case' and she accepted it because it was just factual not emotive.

Punishing a child who can't help weeing in his sleep is not good. :(

ttt the OP is not cross because he is wetting the bed she is cross because he won't wear a pull up

and she has said she is not stressed about it - and is happy for him to wear pull ups

DS sleeps on a pampers bed mat as he wets infrequently - maybe once every couple of months. However the mats are only a help - usually it leaks over th side. Also gets on the duvet too, so maybe if he doesn't move much in his sleep you could drape one over him?
Still - pull ups would be much less faff if he would only wear them!

I know, and that's great. I was responding to the other poster who said she should withdraw privileges for not wearing the pull up. That's punishing him for incontinence (in his mind) I can understand the rationale but he won't.

DD went through a similar stage of refusal to wear pull ups and we were also at tethers end until we went to the ERIC website and were able to show her stories about other children who still wore pull ups and that it was about hormones not intent. And it clicked. She was happy to wear them.

Ah I see. I don't agree it's a punishment for incontinence though, I think it's a punishment for not doing somehing he;s been told to do which he has full control of (i.e. wear the pull up). If she said "be dry at night" and punished him for not being, that WBU.

Thanks everyone. I am not cross with him at all, just frustrated with the situation. I never punish him, I am aware he's just not ready and that is fine. I just want him to wear a pull up.

I haven't heard of ERIC, thanks twotesttickles I will have a look.

DS2 peacefully asleep still, I am doing the washing. Again!

I think it's quite clear that it isn't a punishment for wetting. It's not unreasonable to ask him to wear a pull up any more than it's unreasonable to ask him to wear clothes in the daytime. If my child, at almost 4, refused to wear something he really had to wear then I'd use incentives as a reward for compliance but wouldn't hesitate to remove a privilege if he still refused. We're not talking about a 2 year old here.