Suspect DS is wetting his pants on purpose - what to do.

[NoseyNooNoo]

We have been potty training since end of April. DS very rarely asks for the loo but when he does do a wee or poo on loo or potty he is very pleased. Sometimes I ask if he wants to go and he says 'no' and then 5 minutes later he has wet himself. He is going through a very long stage of wanting negative attention. He is positively enjoying being told off in general. I am trying my hardest to not make any comments about wetting/pooing himself but tonight on his penultimate pair of pants I said that if he wet these he'd have to have a nappy and if he was in a nappy it was bed time. He was in bed an hour early as a reult.

I feel he is totally capable of being continent but is being defiant. I'm conscious that he starts nursery in September and would like him to be trained but another part of me thinks we are making no progress and he should be in nappies.

So, how do you know it's time to go back to nappies?

So, at what stage

Oops, watching Jo Frost on TV and last 4 words slipped out.

How old is he?

I'd be tempted to put him back in nappies (but not as a punishment) and totally ignore the subject for a few weeks. We had a few false starts with DS, he wasn't reliably dry until well over 3, and when he did it he just did it straight away, and is practically dry at night 3 months later.

I know what you mean about the defiant thing too - is he having a growth spurt by any chance?

He is 3 next month and has just had a massive growth spurt. Is there a link?

He says he doesn't want to go back into nappies and I wouldn't want it to be a punishment. I think it might be the right thing to do though.

Hmm. Personally I wouldn't put him back in nappies full-time. You could, though, do a couple of hours in pants in the morning, then back to nappies 'for a break' for the rest of the day. I did that with ds, because he found it overwhelming to try to do it all at once. Also, grit your teeth and ignore any accidents, and massively reward anything that went in the right place. Perhaps a sticker chart that can build up to get a nice toy, or a 'lucky dip' bucket of really cheapy 'prizes' from a pound shop might help. Try to hand over as much 'control' of it to him as you can (or at least let it seem that way to him) and relax. Remember, you wouldn't have expected him to learn to walk all in one go.

I don't know if there is a link, but can't help notice that DS gets decidedly more defiant and willful the week before he shoots up an inch. testosterone perhaps?

whydobirds -not a bad idea, but with DS we did that for a while, nappies at nursery and pants at home (he totally refused pants for nursery, was worried about having an accident).. tbh with him it just prolonged the agony..

In the end we did a star chart and every time he used the potty we put a star on it (we used one, as it had plenty of space )and after a week of filling up the chart he got a small toy.

I pulled and face at the idea of food reward tbh.. then I remembered that DS got a chocolate button if he did a poo on the potty.

Your DS sounds much like mine. We are currently toilet training too and DS knows exactly where to wee/poo and will do it when I take him to the loo and sometimes unprompted too but at times when he is in a "mood", arguing/pushing etc with his older brother, he will just stand there and wee on the floor or wherever. Totally infuriating.

We are not doing anything much really. Just cleaning up, changing pants etc etc, reinforcing where the wee needs to go and saying that its naughty to wee on floor but not getting angry. Hoping that at some point he will just stop doing this of his own accord.....fear we may have a long wait.

I am definitely not going to go back to nappies as I feel its a big step back and then every time you try and toilet train he will always know that he can just get away with weeing on floor etc as you will resort back to nappies.

Sounds very similar to my little boy, he.ll be 3 in oct. We started training at 2 and a bit and at first did really well, only making the odd mistake, then one day, not sure why he started seeing in his pants. If we asked him if he needed to go it was always no. He then started having tantrums when we took him to the toilet and it all got very unnecessary. We tried 2 minute warnings, a return to reward charts, treats at end of the day if he.d been dry. Nothing really worked. We did notice that he was worse with the accidents before a growth spurt or if he w coming down with a little bug.
We have now put him back in nappies as the whole issue of the toliet was becoming such a negative thing we were only going backwards. He has calmed down a lot now so think we.ll start again in a month or two when he.s forgotten. Bright and stubborn are not good traits for easy potty training. . . But I think if we were really honest I just don.t think he was ready. Good luck though x

Thanks everyone for their thoughts. I have just put him back in an nappy. I need to have a break from potty training. DS is taking the proverbial so he's back in a nappy and doesn't seem fussed about it.

So 6 weeks on and here I am again. It was DS's 3rd birthday last week and he starts Nursery in 2 weeks time. He was keen to go into Big Boy pants.

He has had 7 accidents and 1 poo in the potty. By accident #6, which was on my leg, I was getting cheesed off and showing it.

He seems to have got past his defiant stage. he is pleased when he does wee on the potty or toilet but never says he wants to go, even when I ask. PLEASE PLEASE someone give me some advice.

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