Can you potty train if they don't know when they need a wee?

[Caz10]

DD literally jumps and gets a fright if she does a wee when her nappy is off - have tried a failed with the potty a few times now. She is not in the least distressed by being wet or even dirty, but at least with a poo she knows (and I can tell) when it's coming.

Is knowing when you need a wee something that only clicks in at a certain time, or can you "teach" them?

You could just start with poos if you want to do it the long way - two schools of thought here, one which says introduce the idea slowly, put them on potty/toilet at regular times (after meals, after naps, before bath, at nappy changes, before going in car, etc) but keep in nappies at other times until they get more reliable and then move to training pants/some nappy free time each day, move to pants when their reliability improves.

Other school of thought says wait until everything is in place - able to dress self, walk to toilet/potty, recognise when they need to go, and able to tell you so - and then just blitz the PT in a couple of weeks.

Completely up to you which way you go, as long as you don't push her when she's not ready.

she probably does know when she needs a wee- after all - she can feel her muscles releasing to do it - what she has'nt put together is 1) i am not wearing a nappy therefore -
2) when i wee, it makes my legs wet.

(imagine the toddler thought process: I need a wee! - what a pretty flower.....ooh, i'll have a wee then....oh! My legs are wet! ...that really is a pretty flower...)

what she needs to learn is a different reaction to realising she needs a wee (this being part of PT). whilst in nappies she has no real reason to do anything else but wee.

I think we've been doing it the slow way really, which TBH wouldn't be my first choice, it's just really difficult when I am working (4 days) if it doesn't click into place over theFri-Sat-Sun I'm off then we just have to give it up! Not ideal!

She is almost 3, so language and understanding very much there, dressing self not so much but she is trying. The knowing when a wee is coming seems to be our biggest hurdle!

Have just done second school of thought with DD (2.9). It worked like a dream. I am really glad I waited and saved months/weeks of stress with accidents etc.

But I appreciate it's not for everyone.

Caz, I know just what you mean. I work FT, and it really makes potty training hard.

Oh didn't see your post EdgarAllenSnow, that does sound very much like what her thought process would be!

It just seems the wee is coming out and the 1st she even knows of it is after the event!

Will her nursery/childminder not help with PT if you started it at the weekend?

I know that DS now seems to notice when he is weeing. Before if he was nappyless and weed on himself/the floor he'd react with surprise and not seem to know he'd done it - it was like he thought it was something that just happened, like rain. That is what I thought anyway, I imagine they just feel the sensation of weeing and don't think anything of it when they are in nappies full time. Kind of like you don't notice all the little air bubbles of wind popping in your tummy until after you've had a baby, and you realise it feels like the first flutters of baby moving!

It just seems the wee is coming out and the 1st she even knows of it is after the event!

that's because she doesn't associate having a wee with her legs getting wet. she associates having a wee with it being absorbed by her nappy.

if you'd lived your whole life in nappies, you'd find getting wet a rather surprising consequence of having a wee.

BertieBotts what would you say brought about that change, could you encourage it or was it just time?

DD's childcare is split between DH and both our mums - DH obviously happy to do it, but he only has a couple of days too. Grannies willing, but I think different people doing it different ways might be too confusing for her? Plus it seems a lot to ask them.

EdgarAllenSnow do you think that if she starts to associate having a wee with getting wet legs that might help? I obviously don't want her getting upset, but right now it doesn't stop her whatsover, and unless I am watching her like a hawk, she would happily run around wet or dirty until I spot it!

No I think it was just time. If he ever weed while nappyless I always said "Oh look, you're doing a wee!" but I don't know whether it helped or not.

Could you speak to the grannies and say you're thinking of starting potty training in a few months, ask for their input and come up with a plan that everyone agrees with so that you're all using the same approach? I don't think there are that many ways you can do it really :)

I was planning to start a new thread, but this one is pretty similiar to my question, so can I join in ?

My question is how long should I give DD (2.5) to 'get' knowing when she needs a wee, before we give up potty training for the time being?

This is our second attempt. Developmentally she's fine - talks really well, can dress herself (her way), keen to be a 'big girl'.

BUT she just doesn't seem to have any warning before she wees/poos. When we tried a couple of months ago, we spent over a week having constant accidents and no visible progress at all. This time, we started on Saturday and again, no success with the potty (apart from squeezing a few drops out when I prompt her) and many, many wet/dirty pants and trousers.

Is she just not ready? Or will she get it with more practice. Needless to say this is a ridiculous time of year to be trying to PT, but she starts pre-school after Christmas and I thought it worth trying before then.

She is my third DC and of course each of them has been different - one potty trained herself at 22 months with no help from me and the other responded to bribery at 2.8

Shall I give up for the time being, or persist for a few days?

fatsatsuma nursery is our pressure too, if it wasn't for that I would be waiting a while tbh because it is not going well at all!

DD is quite opinionated and stubborn, so I had really hoped that when pants and potties etc got mentioned,and when she started seeing friends use the loo, she would suddenly want to do it. But it is the opposite, she just does not want to do it. That combined with the no warning wee...aargh!

Last time we tried she got terribly constipated and ill, she had started holding the poos in

She is also a chocolate fiend, so I am AMAZED that she is not responding to bribery!!

Funnily enough, DD went to our children's centre yesterday where she does one session a week in their pre-school. I told the staff that although we were having a go at potty training, I was about to give up, and warned them there would be lots of wet pants.

When I went to pick her up she had been dry all afternoon! One of the other children had asked to go for a wee, and DD had said she needed to go too Little monkey.

Things have continued to be a bit better today (two poos in pants notwithstanding]

So I'm a bit more optimistic.

Maybe when your DD starts nursery, she will also want to join in with the others who are already potty trained? Btw, childcare providers cannot insist that children are out of nappies before they start - if your DD is still in nappies they will have to accept that. So altho' both of us have got that goal in mind, it's not the end of the world if the DDs aren't out of nappies before they start pre-school/nursery.