Do yuo admit they're not ready?

[MillyMollyMardy]

Ds 3.2 has been taking his nappy and clothes off in the last few weeks. I had held off toilet training him as he can wee on the loo but is in denial about pooing "have you pooed?" "no". I decided he had to toilet train if he was going to strip. We are on day 3 of no nappies and it's hell. We are dragging him to the toilet protesting, he won't sit on a potty. When he sits there he says he doesn't need a wee and insists on getting off then 5 minutes later has an accident. He has pooed himself twice today and the washing machine has been busy. I really want to give up.Help.

aargh I can't even spell you.

DS3 was a bit like this - he was 3 at the end of May.

I decided I HAD to get him sorted before he started nursery in the middle of September, but we seemed to be getting no-where - constant accidents.

I gave up - and put him back in his nappy for a couple of weeks. Then tried again and he just got it, just like that. He's only had one accident in the last month.

I abandoned a few attempts when DS was 2.6 - 3yrs and while I finally stuck with it when DS was 3.2 he had constant accidents (2 a day) until he hit 3.6. I should have just stopped and tried in a months time.

They do it when they're ready.

oh and I should have also added that with DS1 I decided he "should" be potty trained a few weeks before his 3rd birthday.

It was about 4 months before we had anything like an accident free day, and it was about 2 months after that that he was reliably dry/clean. Like Meglet - hindsight says I should have just waited.

Of course you'll get some that say they should be trained like that, perserve and they'll get it.

But IMO (IME) as long as it's not a case of you just can't be bothered (which obviously isn't the case) or they actually have a SN which makes it harder it's extremely unlikely they'll head off to school still wearing nappies in the day. And much less stressful for you and them to give it a break and try again in a few weeks time.

(FWIW DS2 was my odd one out and was dry at 2 1/2!)

He's been getting up in the morning and removing pyjamas and nappy,he takes his trousers and pants off in the daytime so it isn't safe not to try training him as he doesn't wants to wear nappies. I'm guessing there's slight peer pressure at nursery as he's one of the last of his age. So he's aware of it. He just isn't bothered by the accidents. It seems to mean wrestling him into nappies or wrestling him to the loo hell either way.

ahh yes - DS3 seemed to suddenly improve when he realised he was one of the few still in nappies at nursery.

Given the option of wrestling to the loo v wrestling into a nappy - i'd go for the nappy. You can of course explain to him that if he doesn't want the nappy on then he has to use the toilet.

DS3 didn't want to wear nappies when I gave up for a while at the start of September, but I make it clear as he wasn't bothered about the accidents that he would be wearing it. He wasn't happy but he put up with it......and then quickly changed his mind.

I reckon it's safer to introduce a hatred of nappies than a hatred of the toilet (which I reckon wrestling to the toilet could easily create).

Amazingly he has just gone to the toilet and weed all by himself.
I'll carry on to the end of the day as it's only a couple of hours to endure.
Then have a chat tomorrow along your lines Baroq. I've got a few friends with boys with poo issues so I don't want to go down that route.

Well, we've carried on as he woke up this morning needing a poo, did it in his nappy, wrenched it off then wiped his bum on a chair. Then marched into our room and announced he needed a bath. He obviously doesn't want to be in nappies.
He was much better today and we had a few accidents but a friend came over to play and he was distracted and had been fine until then.
I've ordered some bright bots for those trips whilst he's still getting the hand of it and a new trainer seat for our bathroom loo as he doesn't like the one we have.
I'm feeling much calmer today and can potentially see a light at the end of the tunnel. i think we have to go with it as it's too late to stop now.

ahh glad today has gone a little better.

Don't fret if it suddenly seems to stop getting anywhere.

Had another thought about what helped with DS3 finally getting there.

Stickers - it hadn't worked for DS1, DS2 never needed any encouragement and so I wasn't sure it would work for him.

But we chose a couple of packs of stickers and every time he did something in the right place he got one and gradually started filling up a blank A4 sheet of paper with them

I offered stickers and he's not too bothered with them however he is desperate to watch octonauts on the computer so he knows that a poo in the toilet gets him that.

Wees get a chocolate raisin but he's stopped asking for those and is going anyway.

I think if we have a good week he may get a surprise present as well, just to reward the good behaviour.

Phew, yesterday was the pits but thankfully over.

OK a quick update, now on day seven, He is pooing in the loo and has only had 2 accidents in the last two days. I am amazed, considering how close we were to giving up. I'll definately tell people to persevere.

oh glad it's going well now

(but given my experience of DS1 where it was 4 months before he was anything near like reliable - I'd still give the same advice to others )

I'm feeling optimistic don't ruin it

no - you're fine - once you're at the stage you're at now - it's going to be fine.

DS1 was MANY accidents a day for 4 months.......that's when optimism fades

I feel like we've left it much later than all his peers. I can remember a friend with a ds the same age as mine potty training 15 months ago. It has been OK doing it late, he's very aware of what is going on, will negotiate his own rewards and we've bypassed the potty. I was told by a friend with 3 dc to wait until the child wanted to do it as life would be easier so I'm hoping she's right we will see.