Guilt - pain from episiotomy

[maggiehilltop]

So I've just left DH downstairs with my 3 day old DS. I am in absolute agony after a forceps birth and episiotomy. Have taken a co codomol just to relieve the pain which really just appeared at 4pm fotay. Was fine before that. Calling docs in morning.

No question here really, just wanted to share my guilt at being here in bed as I hear DS crying downstairs with DH facing a long night doing it on his own...

Oh, but if anyone wants to tell me it'll get better soon, that would be appreciated.

for you.

I had an episiotomy ventouse (suction) and it was horrible pain healing.

Your DH is a father too, you’ve just been through all of that trauma. He will cope for a few nights.

If I could go back and do it all over again boy would I REST! Because I didn’t go to bed and rest and I only ended up splitting my stitches and being even more ill. Your DH and baby will be absolutely fine. Rest rest rest. Ibuprofen for swelling. Buy a doughnut pillow to sit on - wish someone had told me this

Hold a clean sanitary towel over the wound when you need to poo, gives you a bit of safety and comfort.

And congratulations xxx

You will definitely get better soon! Very early days and is so tender initially. Please don't feel guilty! Put your maternity pads in the fridge for some relief, and rest, rest, rest! It won't last forever!

well, assuming your DH is the father of this baby I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about
have you tried cold compress? frozen peas, wrapped in a few face flannels or similar
yes, it will get better, but not as soon as you would like

But for your information, about 3-4 months after I was back healed having gentle sex. 2 years on and you’d never know it’d been done. There’s hope. I remember feeling horrific and that it was going to be ruined forever

You poor thing! It’s totally normal to feel awful and teary around day 3, regardless of how you’re recovering. It’s to do with a massive hormone swing, I think from no longer being pregnant and your milk coming in. The episiotomy sounds horrendous, you need your rest to recover, your DH will be fine tonight and it’s great bonding time for him and your DS. Please look after yourself and don’t feel guilty.

Oh poor you. You definitely shouldn't feel guilty. Your hormones will be all over the place which will amplify all your feelings. Massive hug to you.

Definitely worth a trip to your GP tomorrow - your stitches may be infected and you may need antibiotics. If that's the case you'll feel so much better once you start taking them - it happened to me and I thought the pain was a usual part of healing but I couldn't sit, could barely walk it was agony - so much worse than the birth. After a couple of days I showed the episiotomy to the midwife who straight away said it was infected (and that you're not supposed to dry the stitches with a hairdryer - they dissolve...)

Congratulations on your baby boy. Feel better soon.

PS antibiotics got me sorted in days and all good ever since, gave birth to DD two years later without even a tear so try not to worry and just take care of yourself.

Also, after using the loo try using a water bottle with a sports cap to squirt clean water over the wound to help to keep it clean - tip from a friend.

I've had two, first one I was riding my horse within 3 weeks. Second I couldn't even sit down for a week, lying in bed on a towel, legs akimbo was bliss, or an ice pack! Warm bath with lots of salt too.

It does get better!

A bath with a few drops of lavender and tea tree oil really helped me. My midwife promised I’d feel like a new woman and I actually did! Exposing the stitches to the air also helped and putting a few drops of tea tree on a maternity pad. Congratulations on your baby. I hope it improves soon.

This was me 6 weeks ago, totally sympathise. Definitely good to get the Dr to double check in case it's infected (mine was) but otherwise just keep on top of painkillers religiously. I found sitting up to feed constantly the worst so if your H can take the baby make the most of lying down and not putting pressure on it. Now 6 weeks on I can feel the scar if that makes sense but not in pain any more. Hang in there!⚘

Do not feel guilty! Episiotomy recovery is tough and you do really need to rest. I got infected stitches too and needed 2 weeks of antibiotics to clear it because I assumed the pain was normal and didn’t get on antibiotics straight away, so if it’s got suddenly worse, rather than a bit better each day, get your GP or community midwife to check.

I also found that keeping on top of paracetamol (so taking 4 evenly spaced doses over every 24 hours, rather than taking it just when I was desperate) really helped early on.

And if DH has the baby, trust that he’ll bring them to you if they really need you then try to relax - I found chilled out music or even just recordings of rain (weirdly relaxing!) on headphones, or lying in the bath with my ears under so I couldn’t strain to hear every whimper helped!

And it really will get better. My episiotomy was huuuuge (past my bum hole across my buttock! Eeeek!), I bust a stitch on day 2, got a horrible infection and really felt I was crocked forever. I do have a prolapse from my enormous baby, so not quite back to ‘normal’, but 9 months on my episiotomy is a tiny scar I can barely see or feel. Once it heals, massaging with oil (grape seed or olive or whatever) really helped with itching and tightness along the scar.

This was me 8 months ago. I've got to tell you that it does get better. I felt like I'd spend the rest of my life in agony but there was a big difference by 2 weeks and by 6 weeks it was barely noticeable especially compared to the start. Don't feel guilty, do what you need to do to get past this part. I found rinsing with water after going to the toilet then using a hand held fan to dry off on the bed gave me quite a bit of relief.