When and how does post-natal sex stop hurting???

[HJE17]

I had a pretty average vaginal birth, "only" second degree tearing. My DH and I first had sex 11 weeks PP (some time after the GP gave me the all-clear). First time was actually quite nice. We tried again a couple of weeks later and Oh. My. Goodness. The pain...! My DH admitted that the first time he'd not really gone "in" much. The second time he went about half way. We stopped - couldn't take it. We'd used lubricant as the GP had suggested, and I really wanted to have sex with him - libido wasn't an issue. So... is this normal? Any tips for making it less painful? If I "close my eyes and think of England" will a couple of sessions "loosen things up" again or could it cause damage somehow? Advice most appreciated!!!

Are you breastfeeding? That can dry things up significantly down there. Use a lot of lubrication, if you want to try again, and ensure you're in a comfortable position. 11 weeks is barely any time at all so go easy on yourself. I couldn't bring myself to do it for 9 months after my first (psychological trauma was involved, though), and currently 5 months PP with my second with absolutely no plans to try yet!
There is no rush. Let yourself heal. If pain continues, see the GP, because there are things they can help with.

Interesting... what sorts of things can the GP help with?

I am indeed exclusively breastfeeding, but we did use lots of lubricant as the doctor had recommended. Everything just felt like it was in a different (wrong!) position down there... I don’t know. Is this just in my head?

It's not in your head, I felt the same- that things weren't in the right place. But if you think about it, a baby has just been forced through your pelvis so it's possible things haven't realigned yet. I had pgp so was quite aware of the stress on my pelvis anyway. I'm 6m postpartum and things are feeling a bit more normal now

My Ds is ten months and things still feel a little stingy initially. I'm not worried as it's definitely getting better. I had a straightforward birth with a 2nd degree tear.

That being said, I'm pregnant again so who knows what'll happen this time!

You can sometimes have blobby bits of scar tissue where you've been stitched up that can cause soreness. These can be easily removed by a gynaecologist in an outpatients clinic (mine took 5 min, the doc used a sliver nitrate stick and it was very trivial), but you'll need a referral from your gp. If you continue to feel pain during intercourse then make an appointment with your gp and ask for a referral.

Really, we should all be thoroughly checked by a gynaecologist ~ 6 weeks postpartum but that's never going to happen Women's health is never taken seriously ime.

Even with sections sex hurts until a good 2 months after I stop breast feeding

Women's health is never taken seriously ime

So true.

May I ask how you ladies stay relatively intimate/close with your partners if you can’t have sex?

I feel extremely close to DH after DTD and wonder what I’ll do if I can’t do it for months on end. Will his specimens not dry up? Will he shoot powder?

I wasn’t able to do it for 3 months recently (37 weeks pregnant now but in early labour), and sex put me into labour, I’m swearing by it.