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Postnatal health

As with all health-related issues, please seek advice from a RL health professional if you're worried about anything.

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Original poster

Newborn breastfeeding worries. How will I look after my 3 year old?

11 replies

Emi82 · 27/10/2015 19:21

Hi this is my first post. I have a 4 day old baby who I am breastfeeding. It's exhausting and I am pretty tearful with baby blues but what I am most worried about is how I will cope with my 3 year old. He is at my mums at the moment but I can't stop worrying and crying just thinking about how I will cope with the constant feeding and lack of sleep whilst being a mum to him too.

I feel under pressure to breastfeed my daughter as I managed to ebf my son until he was 7 months. I just don't know if it is physically possible.

Any mother mums been through this? How did you cope?

OP posts:

MrsPeel1 · 27/10/2015 19:29

You will manage, because you have to. I don't mean this in a brutal way, I had exactly the same fears, in fact I was terrified, but you'll find a way that works. Some people suggest having a special box of goodies that your child plays with only when you feed, others will suggest having the feeding time as a time to watch a special programme to watch.

For me the following helped:
Nursery - I felt guilty but it was a GODSEND - and now I realise that I shouldn't have felt guilty.
Getting DS involved - bringing me Muslims, stroking the babies head or foot or whatever placated him.
Basically just muddling through.

I wish you lots of luck, it's SO hard in the early weeks, but you will be fine. Congratulations on your new baby.

MrsPeel1 · 27/10/2015 19:31

Oh and... Don't compare how you are with your first and second child. It's a totally different situation and, as you will find, it's likely your children will be different people. X

Booboostwo · 27/10/2015 19:31

Take it one day at a time. Maybe the pregnancy hormones are affecting your mood because so far you have not had any problems so why worry about the future? DD was 3.3yo when DS was born last year and I'm still breast feeding him at 14mo. DD has been wonderful with DS, she brings me a glass of water when I breast feed, helps with diapers and now that he is older she is fantastic playing with him.

See what issues crop up but in general a sling is a great idea for hands free breast feeding, you can read books to your DS while feeding, going for walks are great the baby can sleep in the sling/pram and your DS can play at the playground, etc. one thing I found very useful is to spend 20 minutes each day with my DD, mummy and DD special time, when we play any game she wants without distractions - perhaps that would be possible for you if the baby is a good sleeper or your DP can help a bit with child care.

Congratulations on the baby!

Umbrelladilemma · 27/10/2015 19:34

My DD was 3 when DS was born. Things that helped me were:
Nursery. He went 5x mornings, very cheaply as most of it was using the free 15 hours. Good for DD to have her own space and also for me and DS!!
Getting out and about. We rarely spent an afternoon at home as that would have driven us all mad. If we were out (at park, library, soft play, friends' houses, etc) there was much more going on for DD so she was less bothered about me feeding DS. Often I'd have DS in a sling which made it easier too I think.

TripleRocks · 27/10/2015 19:39

Looking after after a newborn and older DC is challenging but I'm not sure bf makes it any harder tbh. In fact, in many ways it can be easier as you can do it with both hands free and in a sling if necessary, and getting out and about to groups and parks etc is much easier (although I'm sure it doesn't feel that way right now).

I have a 3 year gap and although my DD watched a bit more telly than usual, I honestly don't remember there being any issues. Everyone got fed and watered.

These few hormonal days when your milk's coming in are really tough going. Try and be kind to yourself

ADogCalledLamb · 27/10/2015 20:31

You poor thing, you'll be fine, promise. It's such early days. Take one day at a time and muddle through, gradually, day by day, it'll get easier.

A successful day is everyone still being alive at the end of it

Original poster

Emi82 · 27/10/2015 21:10

Thanks for all of your words of support. My ds will be in school nursery each morning so that will be good- although how we will all leave the house by 8am to walk there I don't know!

I think because I am not getting much sleep at the moment I feel worried about how I will cope without sleep. But you are right there is no point worrying yet I just need to focus on each day at a time x

My dd is only sleeping for about 20 mins at a time at the moment. She constantly feeds then wakes up as soon as I put her in the moses basket let. Have just ordered a Co sleeping cot so that should help. Also just had 2 hour nap amazing how much difference sleep has on my mental state x

OP posts:

HelenaJustina · 27/10/2015 21:17

Hang in there, the hormones mean that this is the worst bit. Don't over think things! You will manage, the sleep will come and your 3 year old will adjust.

Accept offers of help, don't be a martyr, and you'll be surprised how quickly you learn to bf on the go. I didn't have the luxury of sitting down on the couch surrounded by cushions when I was feeding DC2 but it didn't stop them piling the weight on!

Congratulations on your bundle of deliciousness!

LIZS · 27/10/2015 21:19

Having something to get up and out for will help. Maybe she'll nap for the nursery run and after. Your 3 yo will suddenly seem huge but can also be helpful in fetching nappies and so on. Dont feel guilty about nursery or using DVDs to distract him and accept offers of help with shopping etc

SettlinginNicely · 27/10/2015 21:27

I had the same age gap and same situation. I let my 3 year old watch all the cbbees that she wanted to. She previously didn't know that TV existed. Suddenly, she got to watch TV every time I had to breast feed. She was delighted. I know TV is bad, but I felt it was better than leaving her to feel rejected.

Maybe not an ideal solution, but it's what I actually did.

Tagz269 · 11/11/2015 22:07

This was my fears as well when I had dd2. My dd1 is 2yrs11m now and had dd2 4 months ago and have ebf amber since birth.
It does take a Little time getting used to finding time to balance your time between the two however my dd2 likes to feed ALOT!! So when she is I usually get dd1 to sit with me or she is happy playing. Everyday I feel guilty that I haven't spend enough time with dd1 but I know it will get better as time goes by and dd2 grows up and can do more things.
Try and carry on with it as its so rewarding b'feeding, very cheap and sooooooo much easier than bottle (dd1 was bottle fed)
You will get used to the sleep deprivation and it WILL get better just hang in there xx

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