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My 3-month-old is going to end our family plans before they begin

301 replies

GoldFive · 09/01/2023 15:08

I am a father and my baby was born in September. I work from home. My wife is a full-time mother. We had plans to have many children but she is about to break.

My daughter is the most high-needs child I have ever seen. She usually sleeps a full night, ever night, but then is awake from morning until 10pm. She requires constant attention.

The main breaking point is that she demands to be held and walked. Constantly. I mean that without any exaggeration. There is about a 30 minute long grace period after she wakes up where she is content to lay down but after that you must be holding her, standing up, and walking. If you sit down, she screams immediately. If you stand still, she screams immediately. If you try to lay down with her, she screams immediately. She demands to be held by the groin or by the thigh with her back to your stomach. She does not want to be held more comfortably facing you. I have repeatedly tried to change this behavior and it doesn't work.

My wife is convinced that letting the baby cry will cause her to grow into a serial killer, so she does not allow it to cry. She will stand and walk with the baby 16 hours a day, every day. Her back hurts, she's in emotional turmoil, and she lashes out at me. She is very frustrated but refuses to let the baby cry. I've insisted that she lay the baby in her crib (especially when she's being walked and crying anyways, because it's not like holding her is even working at that point) and she refuses. The topic is so sore that if I suggest she simply lay the baby down she will shut down and hide in the room with the screaming baby.

My productivity has plummeted. We have an extremely small apartment because we're looking to leave for the US and are saving up as much money as possible. I have no privacy, no peace to work, and I am continuously interrupted to hold the baby so she can even go to the bathroom or put on makeup because the baby's tolerance for not being held and walked is literally zero.

I honestly feel like there's something wrong with her. She is the unhappiest, neediest infant I have ever seen. It feels like she is deliberately trying to ruin my wife's life. The crying feels malicious at this point.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
RedToothBrush · 26/06/2023 12:52

Babyboomtastic · 24/06/2023 13:36

The problem is still with your expectations not your baby.

Did you really think parenting was going to consist of a baby calmly watching TV and playing with toys in an approved area? 😂😂

My first would crawl for the following items at first: phone chargers, my phone, the bin (which they'd then overturn). They try to eat cat food and worms. They stick objects up their nose. They are very good at detecting danger but they toddle towards it!

And yes they want to be held a lot.. That's the same at 3 months and often 3 years.

Parenting is lovely, and they give so much back but it's also exhausting slog.

This.

You are trying to 'fix' your 'problem baby' as if it's a work project that's not following the manual.

Your baby may be a child who can't be 'fixed'. It is you who has to adjust to that and find ways to manage and cope with difficult behaviour. Not 'fix' them. You may not be able to change their behaviour to your ideal.

DS is 8. It's not untypical for him to wake me twice, three or even four types a night. He will not go to sleep when he is supposed to. When he was a baby he needed to be in contact with one of us in order to sleep.

And I consider us lucky. We don't have a bed wetter and all that goes with that ...

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