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Original poster

How did I get my dd to go to mass with me?

23 replies

ClodaghR · 14/08/2005 11:20

I am a catholic and do attened regularly, not every week but would consider myself a regular. My daughter is due to make First Holy Communion next year and I want her to come with me. Her father does not go to mass except if i beg him to for Christmas or funerals. So how can i get her to come. I don't want to force her and her father is not that supportive as he doesn't see the point. Any suggestions anyone.

OP posts:
Tommy · 14/08/2005 11:25

Interesting that you say "My daughter is due to take First Communion..." Surely, if she was going regularly then First Communion would naturally be a part of that. How come she hasn't been going with you since she was a baby?
This is not meant to be judgmental by the way, I genuinely don't understabnd why you feel she needs to take part in the sacraments of the Church if she is not involved anyway.

As far as any advice goes, did you discuss these issues before you got married and if so, what did the priest say about it? Sometimes, my DS doesn't want to come to church with me and wants to stay at home with Daddy so I make sure sure Daddy is doing extremely dull things at home so church is the more interesting option!

hercules · 14/08/2005 11:26

FOr ds's communion he had to attend mass all the time. weekly classes, go to confession etc. IT's an awful lot to ask of a child if they are against it.`

Original poster
ClodaghR · 14/08/2005 11:33

sorry should clarify she does come with me every time i attend but lately she is bored - its boring - why do i have to go if daddy dosn't.

OP posts:
hercules · 14/08/2005 11:34

that's a difficult one, the bordedom I mean.

Tommy · 14/08/2005 11:49

I think a lot of priests and litugy organisers have a great deal to answer to when it comes to boredom at church.
Maybe, Clodagh, getting involved in a Communion programme will help your DD to feel more involved? She would see friends at mass and it might be the children are aksde to do more things during mass?
Whereabouts are you? Is there any scope for involvement?

Original poster
ClodaghR · 14/08/2005 12:37

just back from mass and she did come with me. I suppose its just trying to get her to see the true meaning of mass and not jsut somewhere to pass an hour. There used to be a childrens mass here but it was cancelled due to lack of interest which is a shame really.

OP posts:
Twiglett · 14/08/2005 12:48

speak to your priest not to your DD .. think its the priests fault and he needs to find ways to involve the community

(then again we are not religious so wouldn't take a child to a place of worship anyway)

MrsGordonRamsay · 14/08/2005 12:52

Does she go to a faith school ??

Original poster
ClodaghR · 14/08/2005 13:08

yes a Catholic School

OP posts:
MrsGordonRamsay · 14/08/2005 13:14

Do they not take them to Mass once a week ??

Original poster
ClodaghR · 14/08/2005 13:24

no

OP posts:
spidermama · 14/08/2005 13:26

My dh and his two brothers were brought up Catholic and their mum made them go to church every week. None of them now goes and none would call himself a Catholic. Two of them are deeply spiritual and very learned about different religeons and theology in general though.

I'm not quite sure where MIL went wrong. I know the boys were very frightened by the images of Christ on the cross.

I like my kids to go with her to mass because I'm glad for them to have a variety of new experiences, but they tell me it's boring.

Perhaps it's best to wait until their older and more able to understand what it's about, so they;re not just standing there listening to a load of grown-ups talking in serious voices.

Tommy · 14/08/2005 14:34

So much depends on the liturgy and the priest! DSs have been going to mass since they were born and it's just a part of their life now. Yes they do get bored but they are only 3 and a half and 2 so I guess that's to be expected. DS1 does the collection now so he loves that. They also like meeting up with their friends and playing in the hall afterwards.
Could you find another mass/church to go to or is that not an option?

Nemo1977 · 14/08/2005 14:41

does your church not do a childrens mass?
Ours does one on a sun morning at 11am

Tinker · 14/08/2005 14:52

But mass is boring for a child. She doesn't yet know why/if she is a Catholic yet, just that she's been brought up as one. Not having a go, just remember the boredom.

Tortington · 14/08/2005 15:08

i get this a lot and i answer " becuase i say so"
works every time - other things i do - is give them £1.00 to spend in church shop afterwards. ask the priest how she can play a role - the prest used to give my kids the important role of collecting the mass sheets and hymn books - they were very proud they had a job in church. then later on they became altar servers. then they would help give out hymn books at the back of church or other information leaflets. usually the old ladies who do a job are very reasonable if father speaks to them about a child " helping out"

Tortington · 14/08/2005 15:09

is there not a childrens group - she may be too old to go in the baby group but not too old to help the helpers and help the toddlers do their colouring.

TwinSetAndPearls · 14/08/2005 18:00

As a regular church attender who has always taken her child to Mass I am willing to admit it is more than a tad dull

We approached our priest about running a children's liturgy which runs up until the offertery. Parents take it in turns to organise activities.

When dd comes back into church I do not mind if she quietly colours with some other children.

After mass all the parents have tea/ coffe afterwards and the children run about together in the church gardens.

My dd loves going to church now, part of her social scene!!

MrsGordonRamsay · 14/08/2005 18:56

TSAP

If I didn't know differently, I would ask are you in Surrey

Sounds just like our parish,When my DM and DD come to stay, one of them will say, OH do you know X from nursery ???

He will then look at them, as though they are mad, and say NO ...................Church (subtext, Keep up Nanna...........

nooka · 14/08/2005 20:11

My parents went to different churches (catholic/anglican mix), and we all went to church with my dad. As it was one of the very few things he did with us (he didn't really become a major part of our lives until we were teenagers) I guess that was an extra attraction, but to be honest it was very boring. Other kids got to take toys with them, but we only got to take bible books, so I was also envious of the star wars action figures in the pews ahead! Looking back I quite admire my dad for coping with the four of us every week. This was in the days before Sunday schools became widespread.

However, with the exeption of my sister who is now a priest none of us are churchgoers, and I would describe myself as an aetheist. I don't think that was related to those boring Sundays, but I agree with the others on finding another church - however if you attend the church attached to the school then I would recommend sticking with it - I was ostracised at school for not going to the same church as everyone else (we lived quite far away).

renaldo · 15/08/2005 10:18

Clodagh we faced this last year
DS made his first communion this may and it was really moving and a great family celebration. what we did was
1 DH (non catholic)came to mass with us , and though initally sceptical used the time for reflection and thinking and came to enjoy it.
2 children went to childrens liturgy, informal just a couple of mums and some bible stories and coluring.
3 I let the kids bring stories and sticker books with a religous theme to mass and play quietly
4 we had a ritual of croissants and brunch after mass on sunday
5 dont feel you always have to go, some weekend it just did'nt happen its not the end of the world

LittleMadamOfManchester · 17/08/2005 13:54

My friend(24), her brother (10) and sister (16) has be forced by their mother to go to church since they were born. They go normal Sunday morning service. The boy goes into childrens room with around 40 other 2 - 12 yr olds where they act, sing and dance, read bible stories etc and sister and friend goes into teen room where they read bible and discuss modern issues today and what the right approach is etc...They then are forced by mother again to attend sunday evening service (7-9pm). my friend and her siblings detest their mother and have no faith in god at all because they are being forced into something they really do not want to do. I on the other hand only recently found my faith and love going to the weekly service, it's the highlight of my week. I have never been forced to go by my mother, infact she dont beleive in god.

morningpaper · 17/08/2005 14:01

Lots of good advice here. I like Custardo's and Renaldo's advice especially.

I only have a toddler so it's very different for me. Mass IS usually dull for children but they don't go for their instant gratification, it's about learning a culture and ritual and truth that will guide them through life and hopefully have important meaning for them throughout all their stages of life.

My daughter is 2 is MASS IS VERY BORING. I try to involve her in the ways that people have suggested. I give her money for the collection. I give her money for a candle and let her light a candle after mass. When her father does the offertry her carries her so she can 'participate'. She comes up to the altar with me and her father.

I try to point out certain things "Look, Father's raising his hands and saying a special prayer, are you ready to say Amen at the end?" - She can say the Lord's Prayer and likes this bit.

She also plays a lot with stickers.

Mass for me, as a child, was very dull but it was compulsory. It is still (obviously) an important part of my life.

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