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Philosophy/religion

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Original poster

MIL comments yet again on our kids not being Baptised!!!!!!!

25 replies

QueenFlounce · 28/06/2005 15:34

I'm totally non-Christian. DH is a non-practicing Catholic.

We have always made it perfectly clear that our kids would not be baptised and raised in the Catholic faith. PIL know that I'm a non-believer. Ds is now 4 and dd is 11mths. PIL were up to stay with us at the weekend.

MIL and I were out in the garden in the sunshine. She happened to mention that she had a Christening to go to next weekend.... She sort of laughed and said "Can't believe they've waited until their dd is 10mths!". She stopped dead when she realised what she'd said.

She then asked "Have you thought anymore about it for your 2?". I said "no, but had looked into baby naming ceremonies". She thought that sounded lovely and asked if my church would organise it. My what???

I said "I don't belong to a church" (she knows this).

She said "Thats ok, our Priest will do it next time you're down"!!!!!!

WTF????? Will it EVER sink in!?(

OP posts:

gothicmama · 28/06/2005 15:35

probably not

Original poster

QueenFlounce · 28/06/2005 15:36

and

OP posts:

Twiglett · 28/06/2005 15:43

ha ha ha ha ha ha at the concept of it ever sinking in

crazycanuck · 28/06/2005 15:58

agree with never sinking in!! we are also non-religious and will not be having our ds christened. my mom wants us too (even though she herself not overly religious!!wtf???) but resorts to more subtle measures to try to change our minds. when dh and I were married it was a hassle to get our marriage license because I only had a short-form birth certificate and a long form was necessary. the only way we could sort it was to get my mom to send my baptismal certificate over from canada and then get a form from a notary. very annoying and stressful. so her latest tactic has been to say "well surely you wouldn't want something similar to happen to ds! if I didn't have you baptised then you never would have had that certificate and would not have been able to get your marriage license!" I guess she deserves an A for effort anyway!

Original poster

QueenFlounce · 28/06/2005 16:05

Mentioned it to DH today and asked him to have a word with her. He said I will next time I see her!! I said but we won't see them again until September (she'll probably have the after-christening party booked for then!!).... his reply was "Look, just drop it, I'm not upsetting my Mum over the phone"!!!!

Oh well...f*ck me and my beliefs then eh?!

OP posts:

Ameriscot2005 · 28/06/2005 16:07

Just say that you are letting them take themselves to baptism (probably full-immersion) . This is the view of the uber religious folk in our church so there are plenty of biblical references to support it.

Original poster

QueenFlounce · 28/06/2005 16:11

Ameriscot2005 - I think she's ashamed of us. Dh's sister and brother's children were all Christened at a few weeks old. And all attend Catholic Church Schools in England. Makes me so sad that she feels the need to judge.

OP posts:

lilaclotus · 28/06/2005 16:20

my family is catholic and i know they've all been talking around my back about how my dd isn't christened/baptised (not sure what the correct term is) and what a disgrace it is, but frankly i don't care. i hated my religious upbringing as i really felt forced into it and i didn't believe at all. i always said i would let my children decide for themselves. my dh's family isn't religious and dh and i are buddhists, so we really don't see why dd should be part of something her grandparents and distant family want her to be.
anyway, good luck with this problem. i don't really know what to suggest other than sticking to your morals.

Original poster

QueenFlounce · 28/06/2005 16:25

Lilaclotus - It gets me sooooo angry that they can pick and choose when to be religious! So hypocritical and I don't want to be part of that. I, like you, want to educate my children and let them choose..... But are my PIL going to be ramming it down their throats when they get older???? I don't want my children made to feel different from their cousins.

Incidentally, I get on really well with PIL and they are both lovely. It's just this!

OP posts:

Chandra · 28/06/2005 16:27

I would say that we have done it and forget about the subject. Though... maybe not... it may back fire!

We had the opposite problem, I'm a non practising catholic and my inlaws are very anti-church for good reasons so, we thought of doing something very small and low key (and also wanted to avoid all the please-the-family efforts of our wedding) so when my best friend mentioned she was coming to the UK we rang the prospective god father and arrange a weekend to be all together (the five of us) and baptise DS. My mother inlaw has not yet forgiven me for not inviting her even when she is always making clear how much she dislikes religious things.

koalabear · 28/06/2005 16:29

maybe she didn't know that a baby-naming ceremony was non-religious ??

we had a non-religious baby naming ceremony at our house, and then when we visited my parents, we had a "blessing" by their priest in their back garden - I made it very clear that there was to be no promises, etc etc, and the priest was very good about what he said - I didn't mind my son being blessed (basically, just wishing a good life for him) - my hubby and I didn't have to lie about anything, and it still meant the world to my mum and dad

Original poster

QueenFlounce · 28/06/2005 16:32

KB - I told her it was done by the Registry Office..... which is when she piped in that her Priest would 'probably' do it.

I just coulnd't bring myself to do that knowing that I have NO belief in the Christian faith, never mind Catholisism. I am very spiriual, but not religious in the slightest. In fact I'm totally bewildered and bemused by some of the specifications of the Catholic Church. I just can't do it. Ds and Dd must decide for themselves.

OP posts:

Ameriscot2005 · 28/06/2005 16:33

Could it be that they just care for your children?

A lot of Catholics believe that God's grace is received through baptism (and not before), so they believe that it is vitally important for the baby to be baptised ASAP to save them from Limbo, should the worst happen.

You can be firm and say that you do not believe and it is ultimately your responsibility to present your infant for baptism, and that you are more than happy for your children to ask for baptism for themselves when they are much older. Meanwhile, you would feel very touched if they could pray for your children, blah, blah, blah.

koalabear · 28/06/2005 16:33

good for you for being true to yourself

Original poster

QueenFlounce · 28/06/2005 16:37

Ameriscot2005 - I have no doubt that she cares for them. But I just can't handle all the religious stuff... the implication that my children will suffer horribly if I don't sign their souls over.... I feel very strongly about this so I'm trying to be tactful and not go off on a rant like I normally do when discussing religion.

MIL was pg when she got married! Pick and choose, pick and choose.....

OP posts:

lilaclotus · 28/06/2005 16:38

i do like the idea of a naming ceremony. i had a quick look online for those. the bha has celebrants who can do it.

Chandra · 28/06/2005 16:39

Agree with KB, they may not even know what a naming ceremony is. The important thing is that they don't make you resentful to catholicism just because they can't respect your wishes as a parent. Many catholics (including the priests) won't aprove of the pressure. It's you choice, not them.

chipmonkey · 28/06/2005 16:41

Americascot, they've gotten rid of limbo now!

Ameriscot2005 · 28/06/2005 16:42

Really? I wonder what happened to everyone in it!

chipmonkey · 28/06/2005 16:43

And QF, my MIL recently gave ds a china crucifix and told him to hang it in his room cos we "needed more religion in this house!" I'm afraid I wasn't very polite!

Chandra · 28/06/2005 16:44

They were upgraded to first class, they are all in heaven

chipmonkey · 28/06/2005 16:44

Upgraded to more suitable accommodation!

chipmonkey · 28/06/2005 16:45

Chandra, snap!

Original poster

QueenFlounce · 28/06/2005 16:45

Chandra - You've hit the nail on the head there.... all this pressure from them really is making me resent the Catholic Church. My babies are still their Grandchildren whether they are damned to the fires of hell by the Priest or not!

Besides..... I think its more the family party they are after!!!

We don't have the money to do anything just now anyway. Another peach of a comment from her was "I don't know how you manage, why don't you get a Cleaner like (DH's sister) has?" I thought the house looked fine, but obviously not!! I had one basket of ironing needing done and she also said I should get someone in to do the Ironing! I had to politely point out that SIL and her Husband are minted and can afford a Cleaner/Gardener/Ironer! That upset me too... is my house not clean enough?

So I'm denying my children access to heaven and my house is a midden... all in all a good weekend visit from the InLaws then eh!?!?!

OP posts:

Chandra · 28/06/2005 16:52

I'm a catholic and there's no way that I would believe your children will burn in hell baptised or not, sinners or not, actually I have the idea that God is so nice and perfect that I sincerely doubt hell exists...

If it helps we had some problems to get DS baptised as the priest said there was no point in baptising a child when they were not going to be raised in the faith. So please don't feel as the whole of the catholic church is condemning you, as claerly many of us will disagree with your MIL's pressure on you.

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